This week: Reeling Studs, gun clubs, colourful NDG!

Plus: Crustiness is not normal!!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M

Yeah, this is Billy Bugs from the Reeling Studs and I just want to know what the hell's with these goddam radio stations in town? I have a CD out there and I can't get them to play it unless I got OODLES of cash or I'm some sexy chick with big tits or something on the cover. Anyway, I'm pretty frustrated. It's the Reeling Studs, man. Buy our CD, dammit, man, it's a good one! It's rock 'n' roll, man, but I like it! [BLEEP!]

M

Yo, what's up? This recent booking of hip hop artists with rap, rock, alternative, metal artists has really gotta stop. Unless they actually book some decent acts, you know? For example, I would have loved to have seen Slim Shady and Xzibit, especially Xzibit, but as anyone who knows anything about music knows, Limp Bizkit is really kind of shitty. A perfect example of an industry-created trend--fucking bullshit music. And now it's the Offspring with Cypress Hill. Cypress Hill and Rage Against the Machine, no problem, Deftones, no problem. But Offspring and Cypress Hill? That's fucked up. And yo, I'm an English MC in Montreal and I feel like I'm a French MC in Vancouver. Yo, Quebecer MCs gotta start respecting the anglo MCs a bit more. Peace. [BLEEP!]

F

Hey, this is for the dickhead who thinks Eminem is this generation's Bob Dylan. If you've ever listened to anything Bob Dylan wrote, then you'd know that he spoke of issues affecting the world. He didn't whine about his marriage and promote violence to anyone who's dumb enough to listen. We should all be concerned about people who listen to this fucker and then wish to ejaculate on gay people. Call back when you have something educated to say instead of stirring people up. [BLEEP!]

F

If you really want to know why it's not MEESE, well, it's because goose is an older word in the English language and therefore has an irregular plural, geese. Whereas moose is a comparatively new word in the English language and therefore has a modern, up-to-date plural. So that's really why. [BLEEP!]

F

If you want, there can be meese. I talk about meese, I see meese everywhere. There are meese. [BLEEP!]

F

Hi. I'm calling about the rant concerning the Plateau and how COLOURFUL the people are and that's why they live there. I lived on the Plateau for about four years and then I moved to NDG. Until I moved to NDG, I practically didn't even know that there were black people living in Montreal. So the Plateau is not very colourful, if you take the literal meaning of that. [BLEEP!]

M

I've got a response for that gentleman who was complaining about a leaky faucet at the Hall building at Concordia University. Well, the first thing is that you don't go to the security department and tell them that there's a leaky faucet, you call 848-2400. And if that little boy would ever call them up, they will definitely fix up the leaky faucet in the Hall building within 24 hours. Good bye. [BLEEP!]

F

This is a response to the girl who was thanking the guy who commented on small-breasted girls. I started to thinking how it's a big thing right now for guys to say they like small breasts, but really it's just a response to all the feminists who go on about how all you guys just like girls with big breasts. So now guys are trying to say they just like intelligent women with small breasts. So what happens now--and I can say this because I actually have LARGE BREASTS--is that when a guy sees a girl with large breasts, all he wants to do is have sex with her and he doesn't really want to pursue a relationship with her because he sees her as some sort of a sex object. And I'd just like to have a boyfriend--somebody who takes me seriously--but I can't find anybody because I have big breasts and, uh, guys like small breasts now. Anyway, I think you should actually like the personality of the person. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F

In reference to last week's vaginal crustiness, I do believe that you probably have a yeast infection because crustiness is NOT normal. And you should always wipe from front to back because it's quite easy to get bacterially infected. Crustiness is not good, ladies, so don't go telling everybody that it is because then they'll just have a yeast infection all the time. And it's also those tight pants. [BLEEP!]

F

This is to say thanks to the woman who ranted last week about cunt crust. I found that really EMPOWERING and I think more people should talk about things like cunt crust. Umm, and I think we should have a big forum about it, okay? So thanks, Rant Line(TM). [BLEEP!]

M

Hey, this isn't a rant but it's more of a question. I'd like to know if there's a GUN CLUB right here in Montreal so I can shoot some rounds and relieve some tension, you know? Let me know. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum.