The horror, the horror

>> Famous monsters of rock 'n' roll get psyched for Halloween

by JOHNSON CUMMINS

Ever since youngsters frugged to "The Monster Mash" in the early '60s, Halloween has been the unofficial rock 'n' roll holiday. Since then, dressing up as Gene Simmons or Alice Cooper, stealing candy from a pretend Pokemon or vomiting malt liquor on some Spice Girl replica has been a rite of passage for the earnest, young rock 'n' roller. And it's right around the corner again.

With this in mind, the Mirror pestered some of rock's scariest figures, all due in town this week, on their favourite Halloween bashes. First up was wrestling star/toy model/Misfits bass player Jerry Only. The Misfits have dressed up as ghouls 24-7 for over two decades now and pepper their oeuvre with ample lyrical references to B-grade horror movies. Envisioning a flashlight under Only's chin as he rattles off tales of decapitations and bloodletting, I pop the question.

"My favourite Halloween," begins Only, "was when we would get all the kids in the neighbourhood and have a squaredance for them at my family's machine shop."

Squaredance?! C'mon, Jerry, can you help me out a bit here? Then he begins yammering on about wrestling and how well his doll is doing, so it's time to move on to Nashville Pussy's sexbomb guitarist Ruyter Suys.

This redneck rocker must surely celebrate Halloween by dismembering yankees, just like in H. G. Lewis' gory cinematic ode to peckerwood cannibalism, 2000 Maniacs. "Last year," she says, "I dressed up as Ted Nugent, complete with loin cloth and a mini crossbow, and Blaine [Cartwright, singer] dressed up as Crackula, a bloodsucking crack addict."

Now we're getting somewhere. So, after the show, did she go huntin' for some yankee stew fixin's? "We were backing up Motoerhead that night and got kicked out of the venue because they didn't believe we were in the band." Okay, that may not be chomping down on human flesh, but Suys has to contend with the everyday horror of waking up next to Cartwright, her bandmate and husband, every morning so we'll let her off the hook.

I finally bite off a bit more then I can chew with Speedealer's unassuming guitarist Jeff Hirshberg. This rootin', tootin', shootin' Texan seems like a regular Joe, but a sneak peak at his adolescence proves his scariest costume was dressing up as himself--a fullblown, pre-pube sociopathic wingnut! "When I was in middle and high school, we used to do stuff on Halloween," drawls Hirshberg. "One Halloween I got thrown in jail for lighting a field on fire, but that wasn't as bad as the other stuff I used to do and didn't get caught for. I would fill balloons with paint and throw them at cars, or smash mailboxes with baseball bats as we drove by. The worst stuff I ever did was, me and my friends would get in this old beat-up car and take two 10-gauge shotguns and shoot out peoples windows and front doors. Once we even got a .22 rifle with a scope and sat behind a parking garage and tried to shoot out car tires. I guess I wasn't a really nice child."

That squaredance thing with the kids is starting to sound more and more appealing. :

The Misfits and Speedealer, with Guy Smiley and Vulgar Deli, play the Medley on Saturday, Oct. 14, 7pm, $20, all ages. Nashville Pussy join the Headstones at Foufounes Electriques on Wednesday, Oct. 18, 7pm, $20