River of no return

>> Gowan + Styx = the end of all life on Earth

by CHRIS BARRY

I always understood the Scriptures to prophesy that the fifth sign of the apocalypse would be the pairing of the ugly guy from Extreme with a tired and Sammy-less Van Halen. But like many other holy men and theologians, I was off by a tad with that one. Van Halen just made another ridiculous record and the world kept spinning 'round as per usual.

But don't turn a blind eye to the Scriptures just because we soothsayers have fucked up a little in the past. Do not forsake us. Be forewarned: the end of the world is upon us. Larry Gowan has replaced Dennis DeYoung in Styx, a new live album has been released, a tour is in progress, and perhaps weighing most heavy in portent,

Larry Gowan's solo career has been put on hold.

Apparently, lil' Tommy Shaw and the Styx gang were so impressed with Gowan's consistent wowing of audiences while in the support slot on their last Canadian tour, that they immediately thought of him after learning that the fey-yet-swashbuckling DeYoung was leaving the group to further pursue his theatrical career. For Gowan, who says he was starting to harbour a desire to work in a band environment anyways, the opportunity to share a stage with a couple of homely guys and a giddy blonde midget with an oversized guitar was just too tempting to refuse.

And despite the fact that this unholy union will no doubt have the heavens raining destruction upon us and bring about unprecedented misery throughout the world, who could blame him? Styx still packs 'em in like nobody's business and whether you like them or not, seriously, you have to admit that the coupling is a match made in heaven, or hell, depending on which passage of the Bible you're working from.

"Stepping in to Dennis's shoes was, admittedly, something I initially approached with some trepidation," says the strange animal himself--who, as is prophesied in Revelations, is such a nice guy that it is difficult to accept that he is in fact the long awaited dark horseman. "But halfway through the first gig, that fear was totally alleviated. The fan support has just been so great. Besides, everyone in Styx is a frontman, so it's not like I have all of the weight on my shoulders."

Well, okay, the new arrangement may be fine and dandy for Styx fans, but what about for those of us who find Styx totally embarrassing yet still yearn to experience the heartrending "Moonlight Desires" or the psycho drama of "Criminal Mind" performed live by their creator one last time? Eh, what about us, Mr. Larry Gowan? What about the legions of Gowan fanatics the world over who are being shortchanged of their hero?

"Well," Gowan tries to reassure me, "we do sometimes perform 'Criminal Mind' with Styx, but that's the only song that we plan on doing from my solo career for the moment." But I'm not reassured. Not at all. I've seen the signs. May we all join hands in prayer and await the Great Reckoning. Dominus vobiscum. :

With Saga at Metropolis on Tuesday, Oct. 10, 7:30pm, $60