Pet shop toys

>> Fun and games for pups, pussies, parrots and the people who own them
lby SARAH MUSGRAVE

While some of us can have a great time with a pooch and some peanut butter, others need something more... stimulating. Online and in stores, there's no shortage of choices when it comes to buying playthings for our animal playthings.

Doggie style

Whether your dog is new or decrepit, you can enjoy hours of fun playing the name game with a copy of the Pet Name Book , available for $14.99 at Little Bear (4205 Ste-Catherine W.). This fun store also sells Fetch & Glo ($17.99), a durable ball that lights up on impact for night games and was apparently first designed for street hockey. The puppy training newspaper ($11), allows him to practice with a plastic version before bringing in your incredibly lame Gazette every morning.

Over at Animal Expert (1113 de Maisonneuve E.)--the Blockbuster of pet stores--you'll find a bunch of things to chew on: a severed human foot, a tough-guy boxing glove and a cheesy submarine sandwich, all about $6. Just keep in mind that your choice of chew toy says more about you than your pup. The Kong, a rubber shape that's supposedly good for teeth, is the best non-connotational option.

Dressing up your dog is a game in itself. For the more upscale canine, you'll have to head to Ogilvy's for a Burberry dog sweater in the trademark beige and red tartan ($175). Somewhat more affordable are Moody Dog Mood Collars, which change with your dog's body temperature. When the mood stone registers blue-green, for instance, your dog is relaxed and cuddly, but black means he's cranky. Pick it up for $42 U.S. at eLUXURY.com. The same site hawks a Louis Vitton monogrammed dog carrier ($930 U.S.) and a matching meal and play set that comes with a vanilla-scented rubber ball and a "cubist-inspired" bone ($75 U.S.). While online check out DogNip.com, a Canadian company that reminds you that hep cats are not the only stoners of the animal world. They manufacture hemp tug-of-war ropes, birdie "tweats" and canine frisbees that look like they are made out of discarded yarmulkes.

Pussy galore

Many pet stores sell cat-sized soccer balls for a buck--a real hit with my panel of judges. Also ubiquitous is your standard wind-up mouse. I've never seen a cat actually enjoy one of these things, but you can afford to take the chance for $3.50. A safer bet is a six-pack of furry mice ($6.99) or use the money to buy yourself beer and pull the sofa out from the wall to find the stash of mice past.

A newer product is the Door Dangler, a plastic clip on which hangs a butt-ugly furry thing with googly eyes ($10, Animal Expert). Better yet, laugh along with kitty during the American election coverage as she destroys outdated political figures stuffed with catnip. Look for the barely recognizable Bill Clinton and "Toss Perot" ($7.25, Little Bear).

The latest development in cat toys, the source of intense R&D but yet to appear in local stores, is a touch- and sound-activated mouse. It retails for about $12 in the States and is manufactured by Ethical Product Inc. Equally compelling is the Space Mouse, a remote controlled rodent powered by AA batteries. Find it at www.pets.com ($5.99-9.99 U.S.).

Special needs species

For your piranha wannabes, Numbskulls has a line of aquarium accessories featuring the remains of pirates who met an unfortunate end ($7.29). For the truly spoiled poi, add a touch of history to the pond with Egyptian relics, such as King Tut's sarcophagus (which, for the record, was found in the desert and not underwater) or a model of a Roman viaduct ($19.99).

For the birds, the only product that stood out for me was the Wild Walk, an uneven wooden stick that claims to strengthen muscles while being "great for birds' feet" ($8.99, Animal Expert). Knot-A-Rope ($7), a colourful woven rag perch, is scented with passion fruit and is supposedly a favourite of parrots everywhere--except maybe in the jungle.

If you've got chinchillas or hamsters or any other small furry creatures, there is more than a trip to the microwave in store for them when it comes to playtime. The equally sadistic Kritter Krawler is a neon plastic ball in which they can roll around the house and probably down the stairs ($6.49 and up). Which brings me to a final word of advice: any pet-toy manufacturer who thinks it's kool to name their products with a "k," like Krazy Kitty Katnip, are probably best avoided unless you toy with taxidermy.

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