Sleazy rider

>> Bob Log III and his guitar want to see you clap your tits

by LORRAINE CARPENTER

"I don't want people to think I'm driving the trike all the way to Montreal. I love my trike, but if you get on that thing for more than two hours, you're pretty much wrecked." So says Tucson, Arizona native Bob Log III of the cover star of his latest album, (wait for it) Trike. Log's one-man blues act features grinding slide guitar, a bass drum, foot cymbals, drum machines and old-bluesman vocals heavily distorted through a telephone mic attached to Log's helmet (but more on the headgear later). With song titles like "Bacon," "Ass Computer" and "Clap Your Tits"--featuring the world's first guitar and tit duet--you can tell that Log is an upfront man of simple pleasures. How appropriate then that he should phone the Mirror on a scratchy cell while driving through Minnesota to discuss tube tops, puking Styrofoam and sad attempts at getting ladies a-tit-clappin' (i.e. hit their tits together).



Mirror: Have any Canadians clapped their tits for you yet?

Bob Log III: To be honest, Canada's been a big "no," but people are really good at not clapping their tits all over the world. We've been practicing not clapping our tits for thousands and thousands of years and I just think it's time to have us all move on to the next level.

M: Who's got bigger tits, Americans or Canadians?

BL3: You Canadians got some pretty big tits, I'll tell you that right now. I think Canadians, Americans and Australians are tied for first, Japanese are last, but there's hope for everybody. I'm perfectly alright if people clap against their friends' tits, as long as it's tit against tit.

M: Have you added any new gadgets to your act lately?

BL3: The interior of my last helmet was starting to smell like 30-year-old cheese, so I brought this new helmet on tour. The first day, my sweat mixed with the Styrofoam in there and it turned into this horrible-tasting mud that was just flowing into my mouth like water. I just kept spitting it out and kept playing, and after the show I ran outside and threw up Styrofoam behind a tree. That taught me a lesson, so now I've got a really nice interior going on inside the helmet. You can all take turns trying it on if you want after the show.

M: Do you ever get recognized without the helmet?

BL3: My hand moves faster than a normal human hand, so if it moves really, really fast, it's like, "Hey, you're Bob Log." I try and keep my hand in my pocket and if I'm not playin', my helmet's in the car.

M: I heard you have some crazy merchandise on tour with you, like sex videos and women's panties--

BL3: It's the Bob Log Butt Thong. Yeah, I got those, but the most important item on this tour, the one I'm most proud of, are my tube tops. I'm trying to sell enough tube tops so that someday I'll have a whole room full of people in tube tops partying with me when I do my little party thing for 'em--'cause it's not a rock 'n' roll show you know, it's a guitar party.

With Bloodshot Bill et Les Hubcaps and Bloody Gashes at Jailhouse on Friday, Aug. 25, 9pm, $7