This week: Burzum, the KKK, the Moffats, the end of the world at Clyde's!

Plus: In search of females who want to be dominated!!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M

Yeah, this goes out to that doorman who says that there's a QUOTA against black people. Well, I've been a bouncer for seven years, buddy, and I've never heard of your so-called quota. The fact is that it's doormen like you who give clubs a bad name, so maybe you should get a life and get another job. And to all the people of ethnic diversity out there--there are no quotas against you. Come to our clubs and enjoy yourselves. It's all about respect. [BLEEP!]

M

Hey, you know the guy Richard Germain who killed his girlfriend, Chrystelle Lavigne-Gagnon, in Laval? Well, he's wearing a BURZUM T-shirt and that's a National Socialist black metal band. And the people who came to support him in court that you saw in the news? One of them was the head of the KKK in Laval. Bye. [BLEEP!]

F

This is for all those people out there who all they ever do is complain about CHOM. Well, in case you didn't notice, CHOM rocks! CHOM is l'esprit de Montréal and that's fucking true. CHOM is great and Montreal is a great city that deserves to have a great radio station like CHOM. Do any of you BIG RADIO CRITICS know how hard it is to run a radio station and always play great music all day and night? CHOM rules and you don't! [BLEEP!]

F

I'm calling about the bullshit CHOM all-request hour. I always wondered what kind of losers were always requesting the same overplayed songs until one night three of us phoned, one after another, and here's what happened. They TELL YOU what their playlist is and, basically, they put your name to it. So when they say, "This goes out to so-and-so," it's a bullshit cover-up for CHOM, an American sell-out depot. One of us asked for Dave Matthews and they said "Sorry, that's not coming up." I asked for Rufus Wainwright and they didn't even have it and it's supposed to be a Montreal station. The real question is can this Rant Line(TM) or people do anything about it 'cuz it's total bullshit! [BLEEP!]

M

Yeah, hi. I'm just reading this rant about CHOM FM and I've got to agree. They're starting to play the Moffats, for crying out loud. What a bunch of crap. Later. [BLEEP!]

m

Hi. Could someone please tell me at what point did punk go from from Fuck the World to Food Not Bombs? Like, I'm assuming sometime in the '80s, right? [BLEEP!]

F

This is a message from one of those CUTE GIRLS that fancy bars place at the door to collect covers from dumb-ass freaks and bitches. I make peanuts to smile non-stop while you people complain and treat me like shit all night. Just get the fuck out of my face with your condescending degrading attitude, your stinky beer-and-smoke breath, your sleazy come-ons and oh yeah, those seven-cent tips. The only reason I put up with your crap is to pay off my tuition in the hope that some day I will be in the position to make you feel like the worthless piece of shit that you are. [BLEEP!]

M

Hi there, do you guys realize that FILTERS in joints are unique to the province of Quebec? I've been to a lot of places in North America and the world and it seems to be that we're the only ones who put filters in spliffs. So what I'm advocating is that we go back to the natural spliff style--no tobacco, no filter, twist it at both ends, spark it up, celebrate, baby. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M

What's with all the hype about Survivor lately? Yeah, for sure, "Eye of the Tiger" was a classically awesome song but that was, like, 15 years ago, and come on, that was their only good tune. Are they on tour again or something 'cuz it's, like, all I ever seem to be hearing about these days. [BLEEP!]

M

My DINK is big and it hurts. [BLEEP!]

M

I'm just wondering what the females-who-want-to-be-dominated scene is like in Montreal. Are there any advertisements or if I should put out an ad for my domination abilities? Of course I won't charge anything. So, yeah, maybe I could find some of that around town. [BLEEP!]

M

Chevo, it is I, the gatekeeper. I have been searching for you, the KEYHOLDER, for all of eternity. Finally, you reach me through the Rant Line(TM) and together we will doom the Earth to tarblazing damnation with our unholy union. Hail Wicca, hail Satan, sieg heil, and all the important things, but when the heil are we going to get together with the moon goddess and bring these mortals to their knees? I await you, gatekeeper. Meet me Thursday at Clyde's where I work and together we will prepare for the re-entry of our dark master in to this spiritual plane. Till then, ciao, Chevo. [BLEEP!]

M

Who the fuck is Chevo? Be your own god. You want heat, come in to my fucking temple.

Next week: Open forum.