Tips for romantic film buffs by MATTHEW HAYS So, it's the annual Divers/Cité week of celebration once more. And imagine, what with all the partying and mingling going on, you've managed to land in bed with a film critic! Okay, so we film critics aren't at the top of the professionals-gay-men-would-most-like-to-sleep-with list. In fact, we're not even close. That honour goes to police officers, military men and construction workers. We're a bit further down the list, somewhere beneath sanitation engineers and McDonald's managers. But back to the fantasy: you wake up, cuddling with your film critic amour, and it dawns on you that you like this film critic and something could come of it beyond a tryst-juste-pour-un-jour. Here's a helpful list of things not to say to a film critic the morning after, if you wish to be invited back for a second date: * You know, sometimes I don't agree with all of your opinions on movies. * Movies are kind of fluffy. Don't you think you should be writing about something more serious? * I read your stuff all the time--really, I always pick up Hour. * I think it's quaint that you write about movies, seeing as TV has become so much more of an important medium. * Can you explain Eyes Wide Shut to me? * I caught an episode of Mary Tyler Moore the other night. Wow, was that show ever overrated. * Admit it: you'd kill to be a reporter on Entertainment Tonight. * I think it's really fun to go to the cinema and chat right through the movie. * I can't wait for you to meet my mother. How does later today sound? * Why don't you have any Pauly Shore movies in your collection? * I think Jeffrey Dahmer was a largely misunderstood individual. In other vital film-related news, the World Film Fest will unveil its lineup on Tuesday, August 8, at its annual press conference. My psychic abilities are in overdrive: Serge Losique will tell any journalists who question his leadership of the Fest to shut up, and the lineup of movies will be decidedly mediocre. There's already some serious bad news for the Fest: a number of Quebec filmmakers are premiering their films in Toronto, not here, for some odd reason. They include Robert Lepage (Possible Worlds), Denys Arcand (Stardom), John L'Écuyer (Saint Jude), Arto Paragamian (Two Thousand and None), Jean-François Monette (Take-out) and Quebec wunderkind Denis Villeneuve (Maelstrom). The question is, how many of these films will also be playing in Montreal? If the World doesn't screen at least some of them, then that's a really, really bad sign. It means the Fest has managed to alienate the local film community rather severely. : COMMENTS: matt_hays@babylon.montreal.qc.ca