Sharing the warmth (and the stickiness, and the funny smells)

>> Heralding the return of local legend Shloenk

by JOHNSON CUMMINS

Shloenk singer Al Warnock was one of the best roommates I ever had. Always cleaned his dishes, always ready to dis our other junkie roommate and could even muster up a pretty good Eddie Haskel imitation when my mother came around to visit. But what my mother never knew was Al was a bit strange.

Al never tried to hide his eccentricity and his twisted sense of humour. One just had to look in his bedroom, carpeted in Astro Turf complete with a pitched tent, a sleeping bag and a set of electric logs. I remember coming back from a long day at the rubber stamp factory one time, ready to unwind with some mindless television. But instead of seeing Leslie Roberts' automaton face on the tube, I saw a self-portrait of Al running screaming with a split penis, chased by a grandmother with an axe, painted over the screen. When I asked why he had painted over our TV screen, Al matter-of-factly replied, "It was a dream I had last night and I couldn't find anything else to paint on."

Al's first baptism in the limelight was as a bored audience member. During a particularly mediocre band's set Al, inspired by a recent viewing of The Exorcist, climbed onstage and began inserting a crucifix up his ass to the strains of some forgettable love song. Since then Al has been addicted to the big lights, adulation and the disgust of many. After a five-year hiatus he's back to take another swing at the rock 'n' roll pinata with the reformed Shloenk. Be afraid, very afraid.

"The weirdest thing that ever happened at a Shloenk show was when we played at G Sharp," explains Warnock. "I was wearing a dress and I sat on this guy's face and screamed 'Eat me' and then I suddenly felt him licking my balls. That was really weird. Also, I've always wanted to put cheese slices on my sweaty back to see if I could manage to eat them while I sing. Maybe I'll try that this time around."

Rounded out by drummer Kelly Backs, guitarist Angie Simpson and bass player Jody Penhal, Shloenk started in 1990 with bassist Colleen McIntyre, but after a successful tour of Germany and Switzerland the band broke up when McIntyre contracted HIV. Members Simpson and Penhal, McIntyre and Warnock later moved to Japan, Korea, Vancouver and Toronto respectively.

McIntyre finally succumbed to the virus and died in 1996. "I still live in Toronto," says Warnock, "but everybody else is back in Montreal and we were just bored and wanted something to do. We really miss Colleen and it's still weird playing without her, but I know that she would've wanted us to keep playing. Now's as good as a time as any to get back together, because we just think it's time for people to feel the Disney-like love of Shloenk again. If people come to the show I can guarantee it will be a fun trip down memory lane. It will be fun for the whole family and people should bring their kids. We're planning a lot of heartwarming moments, guaranteed to tug at everybody's maternal instincts." Like I said, be afraid. :

With the Discords at Barfly on Sunday, August 6, 9pm, $3