Kooky cooking

Never the same meal twice at the Spirite, Restaurant and Lounge

by SARAH MUSGRAVE

Imagine a restaurant that kept a record of what you ate, ensuring that you are never served the same meal twice. They could keep track of your likes, your dislikes, your allergies, your dreams and your fears. There is such a restaurant, and it's tucked away in the Gay Village.

It's called Spirite Restaurant & Lounge, and besides their fantastic-plastic eating registry, they have a few other little quirks. Vegetarian and almost completely organic, there is only one meal on the menu each night, unless you've already eaten that particular meal, in which case they'll make you another. There is also a $2 penalty for not eating every last morsel on your plate.

We expect things in the Village to be a little flashy, a little kooky. The owners, Roz-man and Patrice, who work seven nights a week, respect our expectations and deliver the decorations. The entire interior of Spirite Lounge is covered with aluminum foil. I thought Barbarella was going to serve us, but all we got was Patrice, who could've passed for Barbarella if Jane Fonda was a brunette with smaller tits--he was wearing skin-tight black leggings and a black meshy top with little silver shiny hot peppers dangling from the mesh. Very hot.

Patrice approached our table and told us that on the menu tonight were burritos, preceded by a salad. If we had an allergy, they would accommodate our condition. If we were vegan, they would accommodate our decision. If we brought them a steak, they would not cook it. Damn!

Patrice described each dish with a barrage of ingredients that never stopped, each one causing my mouth to water a little more, until finally, I drooled on myself. Now that's class.

The salad was warm spinach salad sautéed in garlic and apple cider vinegar with coffee mushrooms. Triumphant. It takes amazing talent to sauté spinach without turning it into candy (which is another triumph in itself). My only complaint was the size of the salad, which was small. I wanted more, until Patrice announced that indeed, if I did not finish my meal, I would be fined two bucks, and not allowed to have dessert.

The burrito was made with an organic enzyme tortilla and contained organic basmati rice, spinach, peanut-tomato mousse, white kidney beans, eggs and cheese. Patrice was talking so fast I may have missed an ingredient, sorry. The burrito was accompanied by a tomato/orange/ cumin sauce with avocado, mango, plantains, some kefir and a side of coconut sorbet. There were also veggies: broccoli, cauliflower, snow peas and plantains, sautéed in ginger.

This was a burrito not to be forgotten. It was hot, it was cold, it was fruity and it was fragrant (coriander, I think). I finished my plate and was told that because I was a good boy, I could have dessert if I wanted it. I did. Dessert was double-chocolate bread (not cake) sweetened only with banana, not sugar. It was topped with kefir, apricot purée, raspberry sorbet and pure maple syrup. If dessert can be healthy and sinful, this was it.

One of my fellow eaters could not finish her cake. Patrice made a comment and gave her a moment to consider her bad behaviour. When the bill arrived, there was a charge of $2, which we were told goes to Oprah's Angel Network. Angels indeed. :

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Spirite Restaurant & Lounge

Address: 1201 Ontario E.

Phone: 524-5264

Hours: daily 6-10pm (until midnight Thu-Sat)

Best features: space-age décor, vegetarian food

Vegetarian friendly: extremely

Credit cards: no

Street level

Alcohol: BYO wine

Price: $10.50 for two-course meal

Rating: HHH out of HHHH

Correction:
In my June 22 review of Café Casa Cuba, I wrote, "the word Cuban in the description [of a fried chicken dish] definitely warrants some Central American spice." By mentioning Central America, I was making a broad referral, not stating a geographic fact. Also, it has since been pointed out to me that the dancer I wrote about is a professor of modern dance from the National School of Havana.