I once saw someone sit through an hour-long Andy Kindler performance without even once cracking a smile. It was an amazing feat, since from almost everybody else in the audience--and we're talking about a venue filled way beyond capacity, a crush of bodies flowing out the doors--Kindler elicited the kind of hoots, hollers, and guffaws most standup comics can only dream about.

So I couldn't help but wonder about this stone-faced suit beside me: was his face paralyzed, did he just have plastic surgery, did he not speak English? None of the above, I decided, after seeing him sneer with unmitigated contempt. That's the Andy Kindler effect all over: many love, respect, even revere him; a few, though, despise him, but usually with enough conviction and clout that it matters.

The suit, you see, was an American network executive; the rest of the audience, fellow comedians and comedy-industry types; and the show, Kindler's State of the Industry Address. The now-famous annual diatribe (which, unfortunately, the general public can't attend) is Kindler's opportunity to lambaste the industry--for its shallowness, its lapses in taste and morals, its pandering, its utter predictability.

It's an event that never fails to engender debate. After last year's Address, I witnessed another industry type (an agent, I think) working himself up to a state of near-apoplexy over Kindler's abuse of Carrot Top: "He always attacks Carrot Top! Well, the fact is, Carrot Top sells!"

"What does that mean?" Kindler asks, laughing and indignant at the same time. "Did he even listen to what I was saying? I wasn't talking about how to make money in comedy. Why is it that just because something makes money, it's considered inherently good?"

Why, indeed? It's an issue that has obsessed Kindler ever since he entered the business. Almost 10 years have passed since he wrote "The Hack's Handbook," for National Lampoon magazine. The now legendary article, in which he sarcastically outlined the steps to success in the comedy industry, including lessons in how to write jokes according to formula, is what landed him his first invitation to perform at Just for Laughs.

Kindler admits, however, that he's not as fearless as his tirades sometimes make him seem. "I know I'm putting down just about everybody I could potentially work for, and that's scary. I want to make a living too! But I'm just compelled to talk about these things. I really can't help it."

Fortunately, Kindler has found friends at the festival. In addition to his annual industry drubbing, they have put him in charge of the Alternative Comedy Show. ("My name actually used to be Al Ternative," he quips.) One of the few shows at the festival where participating comedians are encouraged to take risks and experiment, it has in the past featured such loopy acts as Harlan Ellison and Moon Unit Zappa, whose story about discovering the pleasures of jacuzzi-aided masturbation, getting caught by her brother Dweezil, and obsessing neurotically about it for years before confronting him, only to find that he had no idea what she was talking about, is one of my fondest Just for Laughs memories.

So who will be featured in this year's show? Nobody knows, apparently. It's a decision Kindler makes based on the talent he scouts at the festival. And the criteria? "If you want to be in my show, I require fruit baskets and a totally obsequious attitude," Kindler said.

Andy Kindler hosts the Alternative Comedy Show, July 21-22, midnight, $12.50