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This week: Jailhouse propaganda, Whole Hog, mini-putt, child molestation!
Plus: Paradise lost in Laval!!
"edited" by AL SOUTH M Hello, this is Johnny Jackoff from the Vaginal Croutons responding to the rant about us and the Jailhouse and Dom. Don't blame Dom for what happened. He was enjoying the show and just trying to cover his own ass. Things got a little out of hand, like they often do at Croutons' shows. By the way, if you want to see what happens next, come see us at Bar St-Laurent, June 27. We're going to have monsters and ZOMBIES and spitting blood and guts and it's going to be raunchier than last time. Come check it out. [BLEEP!] M Yeah, this goes out to all you people who are pissed off that Motoerhead and Nashville Pussy won't be coming to town. Well, listen up people, there's a band playing this Thursday at Jailhouse and I promise you they won't be shut down like the Vaginal Croutons. They're called Whole Hog and they're just as raunchy and dirty as Motoerhead and LEMMY'S FACE and they're just as clean and pretty as the girls in Nashville Pussy. Anyways, check it out, it's the first annual barbecue and it's a gig and a half. Man, you guys are going to love it. WHOLE HOG! [BLEEP!]
M This is for that chick who thinks that techno and hip hop are going to be around forever. Fuck man, you're dumb or something, 'cuz every 10 years music changes--drastically. Think about it. First there was disco, then it was hard knock rock with KISS and whatnot. And techno is just monotonous boom-boom-boom. It's a fuckin' beat-beat-beat, that's all. [BLEEP!]
M Mini-putt is back on RDS! I repeat, Mini-putt is back on RDS! After several years of hiatus, it's back, baby, it's back. Bird-eee! [BLEEP!]
M This is about the pygmies in New Guinea who use CAT DUNG to fertilize their dreadlocks. Well, as a multiple cat owner, I know that when I'm cleaning up their cat droppings, if I leave them for several days it seems to break down into some ammonia-based substance and, apparently, it's very toxic and probably acidic. I cannot believe that this can be used in any kind of hair-grooming style and I'm just wondering how this is possible. Does anyone out there has any more information on this? [BLEEP!]
F
I'm calling in response to that rant about using cat dung to fertilize your dreads. I'd heard of people doing that before but I didn't think it really worked until my boyfriend started doing it. He heard about it on Nova or one of those shows on the Discovery channel and the reason why it isn't as disgusting as it sounds is because you have to let the dung ferment for about 10 days before applying it to your dreads. It doesn't really smell bad after that long and it develops some sort of chemical compound that is absolutely incredible for your hair.
M Yeah, I'm just thinking about that silly bicycle thingy. You know, that big bicycle with all the people on it riding around downtown trying to raise money for the Children's Hospital. Well, apparently they're using Gary Glitter's "Rock and Roll" for a theme song. I guess they don't know that Gary Glitter is a convicted child molester. So I hope they maybe get that all straightened out and change their tune. [BLEEP!] M Hi, I'm calling from Laval--I've grown up here, spent 30 years in this town--and that whole section of land between St-Martin and Concorde has been torn up, defiled! It was a jewel of nature. Growing up we were able to see salamanders, tadpoles, pheasants, all kinds of wonderful things. It was just 500 feet from the 15 highway but you would feel like you were 500 miles from all civilization. With the extension of Concorde they tore up the whole thing--they totally defiled the land. I feel that the collapse of that overpass was Mother Nature's way of saying her last fuck you to development. God bless the soul of the people who perished in that tragedy, but countless animals have died with the extension of Concorde and nobody thinks anything of that. Many times recently I have seen animals that were used to crawling around in Mother Nature--suddenly without a home--squashed along the highway. They lost the fight. [BLEEP!] F I'm ugly.[BLEEP!]
F This is to anybody who lives in downtown Montreal who needs a fucking roommate for the fucking summer. I really need a new apartment for July 1. I got screwed over by my fucking roommate. Please send in a rant if you are looking for a roommate. I'm young, I'm 18, I'm hot. Give me a call. [BLEEP!]
M So many dumb broads. If you want to know whether I've got a body or not, why don't you just take off my baggy shirt and my baggy pants? What a person wears has never determined their cuteness. Why don't you get with it? [BLEEP!]
F Aren't there any normal people out there anymore? I'm sick of all you freaked out, sex-crazed loonies. [BLEEP!]
Next week: It's the Mirror's special 15th anniversary issue. Feel free to rant about everything you love (and HATE) about the Mirror! |