For whom the bells toll

>> It doesn't get much bigger than the Symphony of the Millennium

by RUPERT BOTTENBERG

Listen up, motherfuckers! You want big? I mean, fucking gigantically, humongously big? Like, bigger than goddamn Pink Floyd at Pompei? Bigger than Tangerine Dream at the Grand Canyon? So fucking big that most of your little brains (excepting those already immunized by the mega-sized excellence of Floyd and Dream) will explode like pus-filled buboes at the very concept?!

I'll give you big. You just follow me on over to St-Joseph's Oratory this Saturday evening, and behold bigness in all it's massive, grandiose splendour. Dig this: the concert's called the Symphony of the Millennium, it's the brainchild of Walter Boudreau, and buzz is already out there. L'Express, in France, is calling it "one of the craziest projects imaginable for welcoming the new millennium." Premier Bouchard calles it "an almost insane dream," but check it, he's down with it.

How big is it? Check the numbers: 333 classical musicians, 2,000 choir voices, 15 church bells, a monster church organ and a pair of antique firetrucks. They're performing an oeuvre put together by 19 composers, for the benefit of an expected audience of 25,000 to 30,000 at a venue fully a kilometre-squared in size.

This thing's so big that Boudreau's main nemesis in assembling this sonic behemoth wasn't securing funding, roping in players or negotiating crowd logistics. No sir, he took on the very laws of physics! "Because sound travels at about 354 metres a second," he bitches, "music produced by ensemble A, who are 1,062 metres away from ensemble B, would take three seconds to reach them. Multiply that by 10 or 15 interacting ensembles and you've got a large-scale nightmare!"

They've worked it all out, though, promising an aural experiece they call toupartouphonie--which means big, clear, uniform sound, no matter where you are! Top that, Spectrum! And you know what the best part of all this is? It's free! Free! Which means you can invest your money in mezcal, speed-laced acid, canned food, rubber bullets and anything else you might think appropriate for a musical event of such an immense, spectacular scope. :

Outdoors at St-Joseph's Oratory on Saturday, June 3, 8:30pm, free