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This week: Vibrators rip-off, club ego trips, white grubs!
Plus: The return of Tam Tam Tits!!?
"edited" by AL SOUTH F Hi, I'm calling about the Vibrators show at Jailhouse. I would just like to say that the person who stole the money from the Vibrators is a STAIN on the face of this local music scene, because the Vibrators were not making that much money, even after 23 years in the business. They didn't have a big WINNEBAGO to get here, they were just in a little car. It really sucks when people go to the show and rip them off for $400--all the money that they made that night. And it's not even that much money to be making when you've been playing music for that long and they're kind of OLD and it's really hard to tour at this age. So whoever did this, I hope you feel really good about yourself. [BLEEP!] M Yeah, I'm calling about the club scene in Montreal. We've been through the coke trip, the ecstasy trip, the acid trip, the mushroom trip, and now we're seeing the EGO TRIP. What's up with that? Everybody thinks they're all bad and shit. Well, don't come talking to me like you're all that 'cuz I'm going to kick your ass all the way back to where you come from--your (450) place! [BLEEP!] M Hey, what's up, this is Roger from Rhythm Mercenaries. Although I don't ever want to disrespect anybody who calls and gives props to our band, I just want to say to the guy who called the Rant Line that the name of our band is Rhythm Mercenaries. There is no KOP crew. We all function as members of the KOP society in Montreal, but the name of the band is Rhythm Mercenaries. Peace. [BLEEP!] M (same guy) Yo, this is Roger from Rhythm Mercenaries again. By the way, if I told you that I was a masturbating accordion player, would you all hate me too? [BLEEP!] M Yeah hi, I'm a Montreal musician and I just had a run-in with a certain promoter who asked my band how much we wanted to make. When I named our price, $500--not really so much to ask--he said that if we're in the music business for the MONEY then we should look for another career. I don't know what he was trying to say, but as musicians we expect to get paid like anybody else and $500 is not a lot to ask! If 100 people show up that's $500 right there. It's up to the promoter to make sure that that many people show up. And who is he to say that if I'm in the music business for the money then I'm in the wrong business? What the fuck kind of business is he in? Putting on shows, selling beer, that's making money too! [BLEEP!] F This is for all the a-holes in Montreal who didn't support Rock en Stock after their major bust last year. Rock en Stock, an institution, had to close its doors officially last week. And people are still coming by because they are unaware it closed. So Montreal has lost an institution of 20 years. And nobody did nothing. Nobody wrote nothing about it. Nothing! So it shows you how bad the music scene in Montreal has become. [BLEEP!] F Yeah, I'm calling about all these girls who say they're tired of giving their boyfriends head and they want to, like, boycott their boyfriends because they don't like to suck cock. I just find that so unbelievable. Sucking cock to me is an ART FORM. I'm single right now but I wish I could find someone to give head to on a regular basis. Because I just love it so much! Not to say that I don't like getting my pussy eaten too, but I love to suck cock. And if you make it an art for yourself--so that you are constantly improving your skills--I think it will be much more interesting for you. [BLEEP!] F This message is to the guy who likes to jack off in front of girls in public. If you're the sicko who jacked off in front of me at the metro station then I can assure you, I was not turned on. That GLAZED look in my eye was nausea. I wish I could've vomited all over your skinny little cock. And a tip for all the guys out there--keep your cocks in your pants until we go to take them out. Bye. [BLEEP!] M Okay, Mount Royal is about to become a CHEMICAL WASTELAND due to spraying going on in the Mount Royal Cemetery and the Cote-des-Neiges cemetery to kill an insect that's growing underneath the grass called a WHITE GRUB. These white grubs are chewing up the lawns and destroying the lawns and animals feed on them too, so they're ripping up the grass. The apparent solution to stopping these little insects is to kill them with chemicals over five years. But the chemicals are going to seep into the whole mountain, into the river and even the Tam Tams! People who go to the mountain, people who go to the cemetery, take heed! [BLEEP!] M Yeah, this message is for that Tam Tam Tits girl. Yeah, the tam tams are starting up again so naturally everybody out there is anxious to be seeing your tam tam titties all over again. You know, things can grow over the span of a year, things can get bigger, things can keep on growing, things can come around again. We were digging your tits last year and this year we're sure they're going to be even better. If you're out there, we'll be looking for you. Later. [BLEEP!]
Next week: Open forum |