Crimes and misdemeanors

>> Woody's Small Time Crooks is sweet, but no bonanza

by MATTHEW HAYS

So who can fault a director this prolific for a film that's not so great? God knows, Woody Allen has managed to churn out about a movie a year for almost 30 years, and the completed projects are more often than not well above average.

Still, the disappointment is stinging. After the excellent Sweet and Lowdown, Allen returns to acting in a slightly altered version of his famous persona, as a neurotic, romantic ex-con who's desperate to make his fortune. Along with the delight of watching Woody work his shtick, there was the added bonus of Tracey Ullman, who plays his manicurist wife in the film (the cast is nicely rounded out by Jon Lovitz, Hugh Grant and Elaine May).

Then there's the plot, which also fuelled my anticipation. Woody convinces Ullman that they should open a cookie shop--not so that she can sell her cookies, but so he and his crook buddies can dig a tunnel to a nearby bank, where they will hit the vault and strike it rich. Then, Allen reasons, he and Ullman can retire to Florida.

All the ingredients are there, but Small Time Crooks feels like a failed Woody project, more Celebrity than Bullets Over Broadway. The one-liners, though copious, too often fall flat, while Woody really isn't too convincing as a loser (we've kind of come to expect him to play a down-and-out screenwriter).

The screenplay also takes us into some not-so-subtle territory, which wouldn't be so bad if the whole thing could be sustained by superior one-liners. After the two strike it rich, Ullman becomes dismayed by just how lacking in taste and intellect she is. She ends up hiring Hugh Grant, well cast as an erudite art dealer, who proceeds to romance her (neatly fulfilling the infidelity quota in this Woody entry). The base, yuk-yuk treatment of class difference has been done before, and done better. It's clear Woody isn't trying to create too much dimension, rather a simple urban fable. But Small Time Crooks feels too simplistic, sort of like Woody set out to write a children's story.

Still, one can't fault the man too much. He's already shooting his next film, working on another screenplay at the same time while slated to work on another director's project as well. And Small Time Crooks isn't evil. Though I didn't laugh uproariously, I did smile a lot, and chuckle a few times. Lord knows, there have been worse crimes. :

Small Time Crooks opens Friday, May 19