Best of Montreal 2000

>> City Life

Chow Time


City Life

Best place to spot a celebrity

1. On St-Laurent

2. Bifteck

3. Buona Notte

4. Globe

5. Planet Hollywood

Honourable mentions: Angel's * Beauty's * Big O * Bourque's office * Bus * Cafeteria * Chez Parée * Chinatown * Super Sexe * Cours Mont-Royal * Crescent * Da Vinci Resto * Faubourg * Gay saunas * In prison * Interbox * L'Express * Lion D'Or * Lipstick parties * Mediteranneo * Milos * Moishe's * Molson Centre * Momeso's * Montreal Pool Room * Movie sets * MusiquePlus * On the arm of an escort from Annik's * Ontario at night * Ritz-Carlton Hotel * Rotisserie Italienne * Shayne's 27 * Sherbrooke outside MMFA * Sona * St. Paddy's Day Parade * The Boudoir * Thursday's * Tokyo * Unity * Hotel Vogue * Waiting room of Salon Energie * We have celebrities?



Best place to spot a babe

1. On St-Laurent

2. Mount Royal

3. Crescent

4. Anywhere

Honourable mentions: 80 Bus * Atwater bicycle trail * Aux 4 Main Massage * Between my legs * Bifteck * Bily Kun * Blizzarts * Café Dépot * Chez Parée * College Beaubois * Cours Mont-Royal * Croissant Royal * CVM * Dawson * Eaton Centre * Eva B. * From my window * Gallery * High schools * In a stroller * In my 400-level Poli-sci class at Concordia * In the village * Jello * Kokino's * Le Swimming * Lipstick * Little Italy * MAC's counter * McGill Law Library * On rollerskates in Old Port * Q-Stix * Salle de L'X * Sisters * Sizmos * Sona * Tam tams * UQÀM * VIA train to Toronto





Best place to overhear

a conversation

1. On the bus or metro

2. Second Cup

3. Croissant Royale

4. Public Washrooms

Honourable mentions: A.A. Meetings * Basement at Foufounes * Concordia Shuttle Bus * Confessional * Cosmos * Dunkin Donuts * Eaton Centre food court * Else's * Euro-Deli * Internet * Last 211 Bus * Line-ups for clubs * McGill conservatory * On my scanner * Presse Café * P'tit Plateau * Santropol * Schwartz * Shed Café * St-Sulpice * Terrasse * The booths at Moe's * Wireless radio



Best minority

1. People offended by the question

2. Jews

3. Italians

4. Anglos

5. Asian

6. Irish

7. Greek

Honourable mentions: Anglo Catholics * Argentinians * Asian-Irish half-breeds * Australian-Chinese * Bisexuals * Black chicks * Blind-African-Chinese-transvestites * Brown people * Chinese * Concordia Rez Kids * East Indian * Ethiopian Jews * Federalists that speak French * Gays & lesbians * Germans * Heterosexuals * Lesbian Asian midgets * Midgets * Mo-Westers * Native Americans * Newfoundlanders * Pakistanis * People who use their signals * Portuguese * Raelians * Russian Jews * Saskatchewanians * Skinny fags * Squeegie punks * Tall poor Jewish people * Tibetans * Trinidadians * Uruguayans * Verdunites * WASPs



Best park

1. Mount Royal

2. Lafontaine Park

3. Outremont Park

4. Westmount Park/Carré St-Louis

5. Jeanne-Mance Park

Honourable mentions: Angrignon * Berri Square * Bois-de-Liesse Regional Park * Centennial Park * Elm * Girouard Park * Hampstead * Kent Park * Lachine Canal * Loyola * Maisonneuve * Morgan Arboretum * Soccer field at Villa Maria * Terra Cotta * Terry Fox * Trenholme



Best neighbourhood

1. Plateau

2. NDG

3. Mile-End

4. McGill ghetto

5. Westmount

Honourable mentions: Along the canal, west of Peel * Baie d'Urfé * Centre-Sud * Cote St-Luc * DDO * Greenfield Park * Lafontaine Parc Area * LaSalle * Laval * Montreal-West * New Bordeaux * Nun's Island * Old Montreal * Outremont * Parc Ex * Petite-Patrie * Point St-Charles * Senneville * Snowdon * St-Henri * St-Leonard * TMR * Verdun



Best architecture

1. Ex-Centris

2. Anything in Old-Montreal

3. Musée des Beaux-Arts

4. Sun Life Building

5. IBM tower

Honourable mentions: Bank of Montreal head office * Canadian Centre for Architecture * Casino * Club Soda * Complexe Desjardins * Habitat * Houses in Plateau area * ICAO Building * Mary Queen of the World * McGill Arts Building * Mitec Telecom Building * Molson Centre * Notre-Dame Cathedral * Orange Julep * Oratory * Paramount * Place Montreal Trust * PVM * Royal Vic * York Theatre



Worst eyesore

1. Big O

2. Paramount theatre

3. Concordia Hall Building

4. Molson Centre

5. MusiquePlus

Honourable mentions: A&W on Parc * Casino * Club Super Sexe * CP's container terminal * Graffiti in the metro * Le Colisée * Loblaws at Jean-Talon * McDonald's * McGill ghetto * McGill sports complex * Metropolitan Highway * Montreal skyline * NOVA buses * Old Forum * Place Bonaventure * Point St-Charles * Statues in front of le Sugar * Turcotte Exchange * UQÀM building on Ontario * Victoria Bridge * Ville St-Pierre * York Cinema



Best graffiti

1. Omen

2. Flow

3. Castro

Honourable mentions: "Funk or die" * 101 or 401 * Anglo-shit * Big shroom by Lionel-Groulx * CASE * Duluth and St-Denis * Egg Owls * Free Mumia now! * Gaté un jour, gateau toutes les jours * Gentrification--coming to a ghetto near you * She's got a tummy and she's so yummy * Lips near Place-des-Arts metro * Place-des-Arts metro (Ontario exit) * Praise Bob * Skull on stop light (Duluth/St-Laurent) * Stop spray-painting this wall! * St-Rémy Tunnel * Under Pressure * Zilon



Best place to have public

sex

1. Mount Royal

2. Public washrooms

3. Molson Centre

Honourable mentions: 737 terrasse * Angrignon Park * At a rave * Bathrooms at the oratory during X-mas mass * Behind the Natatorium in Verdun * Big O * Café Campus * Chapters * Chatrooms * Chez Parée * Club L'Orage * Club Zone * Concordia Roof * Counter of the snack bar at Dorval bus terminal * CVM * Empty space next to new Club Soda * Ferris wheel at LaRonde * Foufs bathroom * HMV * Imperial balcony * Jailhouse bathrooms * Last car of the line 2 metro * Mount Royal graveyard * NDG Park * Nun's Island ice bridge * Ogilvy's toilet * On Ste-Catherine on festival nights * On the haycart at the Sucrerie de la Montagne * Out behind Schwartz's * Paramount * Park behind Ex-Centris * Rutherford Reservoir * Sona * Tam tams * Telephone booths * At www.pornauditions.com



Best reason not to move

1. Cheap rent

2. The women

3. The nightlife

4. Bagels

5. Jazz Fest

Honourable mentions: Roller-babes * 88 cent pizza * Architecture * Beer * Escort agencies * French girls * International flavour * Mistress Shiva's dungeon * Multiculturalism * Music scene * Smoked meat * The abundance of good weed * The other options * The phone ain't ringing * Too much hassle * Tried Toronto, it sucked



Best kept secret

2 for 1 movies after midnight at Superclub Vidéotron * 49 cent pizza * Alcoholic ice cream store on Duluth * English is spoken here * Flea market in St-Eustache * Folk Roots on CKUT * Girl massages at Aux 4 Mains * HMV exchange * Le Jardin Tiki * Lap dances for $10 * McGill ghetto all-male group-sex nights * Mohawks used to live here * Pollack Hall concerts * The drinking age is just a suggestion * Tropical summers * Underground brothel houses * Verdun confectionery



Political gaffe of the year

1. Jean Chrétien in the Middle East

2. Bourque still in power

3. Landry's hidden money

Honourable mentions: Health care in crisis, millions tucked away in provincial treasury * Anti-gang squad * Anything by Louise Beaudouin * Anything Lucien Bouchard says * Garbage bag laws * Le Sommet de la Jeunesse * Letting the OLF exist * Mayor's haircut * Minister of Education sending his kids to private school * One island, one city * Prime Minister Poutine * Proposed dump site in St-Henri * Sonia Biddle sitting idly by during developments in St-Henri * Stephane Dion suing the Entartistes * The Rialto fiasco



Best way to learn French

1. Date or french kiss or sleep with a French person

2. Get a job

3. Watch Bleu Nuit or Les Simpsons

4. Get arrested

5. Speak it

Honourable mentions: Become homeless * By having your language oppressed * By trying to explain what you want to a salesperson who doesn't speak English * Cereal boxes * Do time at Bordeaux * Hang out in places other than Crescent & St-Laurent * Keep a French mistress on the payroll * Watch Elvis Gratton 100 times



Best festival

1. Jazz Fest

2. Just for Laughs

3. Fantasia

4. Fringe Festival

5. World Film Festival

Honourable mentions: Beer Festival * Black & Blue * Blue Metropolis * Carifesta * Festival du Homard * Festival of Lights * Festival of non-stop orgasms * Fetes Gourmandes * Francofolies * New Cinema and Media * St. Patrick's Day * St-Laurent street fair * Symfolium



Best new trend

1. Leather

2. Tankinis (tank top-bikinis)

3. Glam/'80s look

4. Asian prints

5. Pink

Honourable mentions: All-inclusive massage prices * Amateur Internet porn sites * Bands with string sections * Big hair * Capoeira * Capris * Community-ism * Cowboy hats * Dark denim * Environmental awareness * Flip flops * Floating bead jewellery * Good graphic design * High-pitched dance music * Horny tourists * IMF, WTO demonstrations * Karma beads * Lesbian massages * Matrix-influenced clothes * Men's skirts * New Volkswagen Beetle * Pants with beads hanging off the hem * Pareo for men * People picking up their dogs' shit * Pedal Pushers * Pirate pants * Plumper chicks * Pornstar clothes * Sheer women's tops * Shiny pants * Short dresses * Showing more skin * Sideburns * Snake prints * Sparkles * Spiked jewellery * Start a record label and become a DJ * Studded leather * Telling trendy people to fuck off, right to their faces * Thick-heeled shoes * Topless parades * Transparent short-shorts * Tropical prints * Wrist bands * wwaaaazzzzzzzuuuuuppppp



Worst new trend

1. Fur

2. Capris

3. '80s look

4. Pokémon chic

5. Backless tank tops

6. Pink/Asian prints

Dishonourable mentions: "Serial Joe" hair * '50s-style Gapwear * All black & gray clothes * All-news radio * Anyone can be a DJ (even monkeys) * Baggy jeans * Barbie chic * Black shirt with white pants * Body piercings * Boy bands * Breakdancing in metros * Clothes that look like bags * Coloured contacts * Commercialized raves * Cuffs * Drawstring pants * Dreads * Drive-by shootings * Elephant Pants * Everybody in neon * Expensive jeans * Fake country aficionados * Flowery and beaded clothes for girls * Frankenstein shoes * Fun fur * Gangsta rap fashion * Hip hop--the attitude, not the music * Indian styles * Latin music * Leather * Make-up for men * Men in fur * Men in pink * Misappropriation of Asian cultures * Orange clothes * Pastels on men * people saying wwaaaazzzuuuppppp * Portable MP3 players * Rag heads * Rapcore * Retro '70s * Short tops on fat girls * Skater kids wearing Fred Perry * Skinnier boys * Skinny belts and ties * Skirts with pants * Stupid hos in midwinter with nothin' on * Taped news programming on radio * Turquoise * Ugly 14-year-old skanks wearing platforms and three pounds of makeup * Ugly boys in pink shirts * Unavailability of transparent short-shorts * Vegans * White boys with dreads * White shoes, calisse! * Wiggers * Women with tattoos *