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This week: Synth funk, trendy glam, female voyeurism, death!
Plus: Accordian passionately defended!!
"edited" by AL SOUTH M Hello, this is Grayson, the renowned ACCORDIAN player of Montreal. I'm calling about the rant from the woman who heard the Lullaby Baxter Trio CD. I just want to tell her that most of what she heard on that CD was not an accordion--it was a PUMP ORGAN. If she had looked at the instrument listings in the credits she would have discovered that. Regardless, I'm sorry that there are so many accordions for all you people. But while all you guitar-wanked rockers are having such a good time with your little dreams, the accordion is the real rock 'n' roll instrument. You better watch it 'coz punk is coming back with the accordion. So lady, you might as well move. [BLEEP!] F This is Unitard on behalf of the Lullaby Baxter Trio being an accordion band. They are not. It is brilliant, brilliant music! The lyrics are insanely beautiful, totally uplifting, extremely positive and if one person thinks that they can get the gist of what's going on in one basic listening at Indigo, then they have no appreciation for the art of listening to music. That is not how you wrap your mind around an album. [BLEEP!] M Yeah, about that raver who wants to support the scene and all but doesn't want anymore accordions. You know, you've got to stop watching Rita MacNeil and check out some good local accordion acts. Like that twisted Harvey Christ and Friends whose PHALLIC accordian sheds new sick light on the Knack classic "My Sharona." And leave Miss Baxter alone! Her accordion player plays 10 different keyboards, the album totally rocks. Why don't you just go buy it instead of listening to it for two minutes in between lattés. Or better yet, go to a show and see for yourself. If you want to support the local scene and all, why don't you go to local shows? [BLEEP!] M Yeah, I have an opinion about the local music scene. I went to see this guy Willie Ray play at Jello. He's supposed to be a James Brown cover band and the guy plays three James Brown songs and he doesn't even have a horn section. They've got fucking synth horns! What the fuck is that, man? When is some decent funk going to happen in this city? Somebody save me, please! [BLEEP!] M This is for that bitch, Lili l'Amour and that shit band One-976. I mean, that's the new glam trend? I mean, three years ago it was a fucking ska trend and a little bit after that was a fucking swing trend. Now a fucking glam trend? Damn, I am so fed up. People in Montreal make up your minds, fuck. Music is music as far as I know. I mean, yech, caca.[BLEEP!] M This is to the guy who's UNCLE passed away. It's kind of interesting about life. I know the feeling of wanting the world to stop when your uncle dies. But you have to keep on living. You have to look at the fact that his uncle wanted him to live. There are no answers. You just got to do it. And knowing that his uncle loved him is the way to do it. Live the life that your uncle would have wanted for you. You've got to find the answers. But you're going in the right direction. You're asking questions and you're going somewhere. I hope you're okay. [BLEEP!] M Yeah, I wrote this poem and I just want to know what Montreal thinks about it. It's called What is Death? Death, what is death?/Is it oblivion or is it birth?/Why does death happen?/Then again, why does life happen?/I do not pretend to understand life or death/I can only try/Why do I feel pain when somebody dies?/Why do I feel mourning?/Why do I feel these things when it's supposed to be natural?/Death, is death time?/Yes, death is eternity/You can't save lives, only delay the inevitable/I will also die one day and others will mourn my death/But life will go on without me/Life will continue/So now I have answered my question/What is death?/Death is life [BLEEP!] F Hi, I'm calling in about that girl who gets turned on seeing guys making out. Me too, and my friend, we were just sitting here and we were talking about it and (giggles) yeah, we get turned on when we see guys making out. (Friend comes on the line) I don't know, when I see two guys make out, the way I feel, it's like I guess the way guys feel when they see two girls make out. It's like, kinky or something. [BLEEP!] M Yeah, this message is for that chick who thinks it's not NASTY for a guy to kiss a guy. Well, a guy to kiss a guy is fucking nasty and a girl to kiss a girl is fucking nasty and a girl that fucks a girl is fucking nasty and a guy that fucks a fucking guy is fucking nasty. Guys are supposed to fuck girls. That's why men have dicks and women have pussies. That's all I have to say. [BLEEP!] F Yeah, I like to see two guys playing with each other but what I really like to watch is when guys jerk off. I see this guy across from my courtyard all the time playing with himself every night before he goes to bed with the lights on in his room and I get really horny when I watch him do it. He's not even that good-looking but I really like to watch him. I ask my boyfriend to do it in front of me all the time now and he thinks I'm going PERVERTED. But me, I think it's normal to want to watch guys getting themselves off. So yeah, okay. [BLEEP!]
Next week: Open forum |