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This week: Accordions, camping, heroin, death, thongs!
Plus: Ant rant!!
"edited" by AL SOUTH F Yeah, I'm calling in about Lullaby Baxter Trio. I was listening to their CD at Indigo today and it reminded me of a cross between the "Where Are You Tonight" song from Hee Haw and Rita McNeil. I want to support the scene and all, but I don't know. I don't think we need any more ACCORDIONS. That's all. [BLEEP!] F Hi, this is Lili L'Amour from the Lipstick Party and I'd like to say that I went to check out the One-976 show last night and I'm proud to say that rock 'n' roll is alive and well and living in Montreal. Yeah! [BLEEP!] F Hi, this is for that guy who ranted about Big Blue Cooler being embarrassing. How can you say that? They're the shit! What do you do when you go CAMPING? You bring a big blue cooler with you and you keep all your food and your cheese and your beer in it, and maybe all your rope. And when you look at it and you're, like, "Wow, you're such a cool blue cooler" and you open it and you grab a beer and it's so great! Thanks to your big blue cooler!! So how can it be embarrassing?! A big blue cooler is fucking GOD, man. [BLEEP!] F You know that song, "The Thong Song"? Okay, what the fuck is that about? Excuse me? Like, let me see that thong?! We're supposed to be encouraging our young women of today to be PRANCING around in half-assed nothings while our men jump around in their whatevers? I'd like to see their thongs too but that's not even the point. In western culture we're so retarded we don't even understand what the human body is for. What is the world coming to? [BLEEP!] M Yeah, I've just been back in town for about two weeks. I'd been on HEROIN for 10 years and just got off it and all these memories are starting to come back to me. Some of these memories are really pissing me off--things that I had forgotten all about. So I need to know, because I haven't listened to CHOM in years, is Marty Lamar still DJing there? [BLEEP!] F Hey, this is in response to that guy who mentioned the word niggas a little too much concerning women who are supposedly good looking. It's not so much that we have stuck-up attitudes or that men look like scrubs. Mainly, I think it's about how you approach a woman. And from my personal experience, a lot of men are just looking for big breasts, a big booty and a ride. So for those men who are offended by the word scrubs, maybe it's because you are one. And for the real men out there, it wouldn't take nothing but a little "Hello, Miss, how you doing" in order to get my number anytime. You have a good night. [BLEEP!] F Hi, this message is to that chick who says she gets turned on by two guys making out. Well, so do I and I understand your feelings when all these guys freak out because they say it's NASTY. Well, I think they are just highly homophobic and that they should get it up the ass before they even speak about it again. That's what it comes down to. They need to be fucked up the ass so that they realize that they're just fucked because that's what they feel deep down. I know that. [BLEEP!] M This goes out to Sarah and her friend who are sick of giving their boyfriends blowjobs. If they're sick of giving their boyfriends blowjobs, maybe they should become dykes and give each other blowjobs. Out. [BLEEP!] F Sweetheart, you and your girlfriend Sarah should get together because blowing guys ain't all that. You and your girlfriend should pleasure yourselves and leave your boyfriends high and dry. Ciao. [BLEEP!] M Yeah, I'm leaving this rant 'cuz, like, my uncle just died. Why the fuck did God create death, man? Fuckin' why is death and why is life? Why is everything? [BLEEP!] M Yeah, no wonder there's graffiti all over the city of Montreal. Over the past three months, I've sent out over 300 CVs and in total I've got 10 callbacks and each one of them was a bullshit jerk-off. [BLEEP!] M I'm really pissed off right now 'cuz my place is fucking infested with ANTS. I don't get it. What's with the people who own this building? There's ants everywhere! I'm gonna spend the whole night listening to loud music, probably smoking lots of pot, and using the vacuum cleaner to clean this place really nice and tidy. But you wanna know something? That won't solve the problem! Because the ants are breeding behind the fucking bathtub and they're breeding behind the fucking walls in the places where the radiators are. I moved to Montreal because I love it here and I hate people that slam it. But this thing with the ants--I'm not impressed! [BLEEP!]
Next week: Open forum |