|
This week: GG Allin, serious messages, diaper bags!
Plus: Pigeon for official bird!!
"edited" by AL SOUTH M Stop the presses! Somebody just told me the other day when I was having a beer in Jailhouse that they're going to start up a GG Allin and the Murder Junkies cover band. A cover band in Montreal for GG Allin! I mean, how crazy is that? That's all the city needs now! [BLEEP!] M I don't know if you guys have seen the Goldylocks Rock On 2000 flyer yet. I have and all I've got to say is watch out. To all the fans out there, get ready for this one, okay. [BLEEP!] M Hi. What the fuck is up with all of these assholes who show up at rallies--like anti-police-brutality rallies--and then run around and break windows? It's such a pain in the ass. You know, sometimes I wonder whether these guys are being PAID by the police to come and bash in the heads of everyone else who is conducting themselves in a civil manner trying to get their political message across. Would you TROUBLEMAKERS please stop coming to every bloody rally and spoiling it for all of the rest of us who have a serious message to deliver and who have better things to do than smashing windows? That would be so kind of you. Bye. [BLEEP!] M Yeah, this is for that official BIRD of Montreal contest. My nomination is the PIGEON. The city is full of them, it's infested with them. There's no way you can ever compare a shitty city like Montreal to the peregrine falcon. Never, no way, no way, no how. [BLEEP!] M What's up, Rant Line? About that contest going on for the official bird. I'd say the pigeon wins hands down, you know? Because, see, the city is infested with all these pigeons. You know all these platform-shoes-wearing, 20-pound make-up-wearing, little pigeons who think they're all that. All right? Bye. [BLEEP!] M Okay, right now I'm just watching TV and I see a beautiful commercial. Lots of little animals, bears, what have you. Near the end, it says "We're with you through and through." I thought the message was basically something about being a good parent to your baby. And then Rod Stewart starts playing in the background and it turns out it's a frigging, fucking PAMPERS commercial. Yeah, for Pampers. You know those plastic things that you throw away every day by the bagloads? So they're showing a picture of cute cuddly animals running around in the savanna when, meanwhile, we're polluting it with tons and tons of fucking DIAPER BAGS. I just want to say that television truly does suck if this is the kind of message that these companies are sending out. We pick on Nike and Coke, maybe we should pile on Pampers and every other one and finally start living up to maybe being a little more rebellious against these bunches of corporate losers. Anyways, have a good day. [BLEEP!] M To the guy who thinks we shouldn't feed cats because of starving Ethiopians. I would like to know--since you don't have a cat to feed--what you have done recently to help reduce hunger in Africa? Talk is cheap, asshole. [BLEEP!] M I just bought a loaf of BREAD at the Pain Doré on St-Laurent and when I walked out of the store the bag ripped and the bread fell to the sidewalk. So I go back in and tell them and ask for some new bread and the lady looks at me like to say no. Excuse me, this is my fault? And then she gives me all this attitude and is completely rude with me and finally gives me my loaf of bread. I don't understand. Is there some process in the world that makes shopkeepers really rude to their clients?! Do they get off on doing that or what? [BLEEP!] M You can't find any Free Mumia 'cuz he's guilty. He did it. That's why. [BLEEP!] M Hi. This is a rant for the girl who claims to be abducted by ALIENS. And the answer is no, you're not alone and if you do want to talk about it, meet me at the Second Cup Thursday night at 9 o'clock up on that little second floor type place. And don't worry about me recognizing you 'cuz it takes one to know one. [BLEEP!] M Okay, here it is. My girlfriend's got BIG TITS. When we walk down the street, all these fucking losers look at her. You know what, you losers? You're looking at her but the thing is I get to bring that home and I get to touch and I get to bang her so thanks for looking and making ME feel good. [BLEEP!] F Hi, this is SOME CHICK and I'm here with a bunch of friends and we're watching Bleu Nuit, this stupid crappy show on TQS. And it's crappy 'cuz they'll show tits and pussy but they won't show any COCK. And it blows 'cuz we're all, like, horny. We want to see penises! This blows. [BLEEP!]
Next week: Open forum |