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This week: Ruby Tuesday, Tigger, Cosmo 1 & 2, Fluffy, Dave, Badger, Gros Rayé, Nippy and the late Gustav!
Plus: Juggalos rule!!
"edited" by AL SOUTH M Hi, my rant is towards the guy who's talking about drum & bass and about how much it sucks and how it hasn't evolved in four years. Well, buddy, go to Toronto and check out Final Syndicate. Go check out DJ Slip and Slide and Rough Neck and Freaky Flo--I could name you about a hundred more. Go to Toronto, man, 'cuz it's the drum & bass capital of the world! [BLEEP!] M Hi, my name's Automatic and I'd like to rant about the Insane Clown Posse. They're the best group out there and how come they never come to Montreal? Because Montreal's afraid of us JUGGALOS. We are a nation, we will take over the world. Fuck KISS, fuck Ozzy, fuck Slipknot. ICP forever! [BLEEP!] M Hi, this is Stuart Mackenzie and I just called to say you can tell your sister not to talk to that mean JANITOR. If she wants to e-mail me, it's stuartmackenziefc@hotmail.com. Everyone's welcome and I'd be glad to answer your questions. [BLEEP!] M Hey, this is to the stupid fuck who's cutting up the Foufounes Web site. I'm just looking at the site right now and if the dumb fucker would have been able to read, at the bottom it says Français and English. But I guess he's so fucking stupid and illiterate he couldn't read that. Anyway, if you click English, you can see on the bottom, it says "Shows, Club Night Prices" and all of that. If you click "Shows" and you use the scroll bar--which he probably doesn't know how to do 'cuz he's retarded--they got shows listed right up to Wednesday, April 12. So that's that and tell him to go fuck himself. [BLEEP!] M To everyone who was going on about Foufs. Just save your breath, it's not worth the effort. The place sucks, plain and simple. I was good enough to be allowed to grace the place 11 years ago, but now I'm a victim of their NO SKINS policy. Barring an entire group of people based on their appearance is discrimination. So why would anyone want to go to a place that discriminates? [BLEEP!] F I'm just calling back for the young lady and her CAT Cosmo weighing 24 pounds. Well I took my cat, Ruby Tuesday, a nice tabby cat, and I put her in a PROVIGO BAG and I weighed her with an old spring weigher. She came out to 27 and maybe 1/3 pounds. So I think Ruby Tuesday, the old tabby--and she's a bitch, too, oops, well, a female cat--beats out Cosmo. Have a better one, everybody. [BLEEP!] M This is for the girl who said her cat Cosmo weighs 24 pounds. Yeah, well my cat weighs 28 pounds and he ain't FAT--he'd kick your cat's ass! [BLEEP!] F My sister's cat Badger must weigh at least 29 pounds and he carries around a whole mess of objects from his oversized FLUFFY tail which makes him even heavier! [BLEEP!] M My cat Dave weighs 26 pounds so suck it, Cosmo! [BLEEP!] F Yeah, I think our cat Nippy is the fattest cat in Mile-End. Everyone who comes in to our house agrees. Not only is he large, he has very long hair that looks like it's going into DREADS. [BLEEP!] FAXRANT (Including picture) Our cat Tigger weighs 23 pounds--with a tiny head and a big fat body. Kind of the opposite of all those Hollywood lollipops. [BLEEP!] FAXRANT (w/pic) Here's Gros Rayé, 22 pounds! A hot babe. [BLEEP!] F My mother's cat weighs 31 pounds and is 26 1/2 inches from head to ass and that's not including the tail. [Ed's note: Your cat wins, please send a photo.] [BLEEP!] M My LATE cat Gustav was 18 pounds and he was huge. Put your cat on a diet. He must be one fat motherfucker. [BLEEP!] F This is in response to the girl who has the cat named Cosmo. I just wanted to say that if there's not another cat out there who weighs 24 pounds, at least there's another cat named Cosmo and that's my cat! I think that's pretty cool, you know, two Cosmos in the same city. Bye. [BLEEP!] M Yes, I'm reading the rant about the 24-pound cat. ANIMAL ABUSE is an accepted form of behaviour over here because everyone is so fucked up. And I'm sure there are even fatter cats because we are abusing ourselves and the environment--and especially animals. 24-pound cats, what the hell is wrong with you people? Eat that crap yourself, don't feed it to the animal. Animals don't deserve to look like us and be like us--totally unhealthy and sick in the brain. [BLEEP!] M Let the search for the fattest cat end because my girlfriend has the fattest PUSSY ever and whoa, I love to lick it! [BLEEP!]
Next week: Open forum |