Whisperin' wusses

>> Ottawa wimps Kepler bring the unnoise

By JOHNSON CUMMINS

Ottawa's Kepler have things permanently on the Q.T., and in this day and age of screaming frat boys and Marshall-stacked rawk, Kepler are sticking out like the self-admitted nancy boys they are. Their new record This Heart Is Painted On collects the slow dripping molasses of Codeine and mixes it with Slint's lethargic whispered vocals. It's guaranteed to make even the most hardened of rockers well up and have a good cry.

"We actually really like loud rock music," says bassist Samir Khan, who's taking time out from his Saturday night tradition of making doilies and watching figure skating with his mother. "In fact, three of the guys in the band are dedicated metal heads." And the other two? "Uhh... (in whispered tone) ...pretty much nancy boys."

Not all people will appreciate Kepler's unique brand of lullabies for the myopic indie rock masses. In fact, indie bible Alternative Press once described Kepler's music as well in need of a "wet fart," but they manage to keep a good sense of humour about being the ultimate lo (volume) fi band.

"We played this one show in Montreal in somebody's apartment, and I guess most people thought it was going to be some sort of funky dance party. We could hear all of the people just talk right through our set, so you could hardly hear us. We just thought it was really funny."

The surprising thing with Kepler is that the first audience to embrace their slow, quiet sounds was not the decaf "Honk if you like Godspeed" should-have-a-real-job-by-now set, but rather the NAMBLA wet dream known as the all-ages show.

"We would always stand out on the all-ages bills because we were so quiet, but they would always listen and we would always get a good response." Khan stops for a moment as he ponders the reason why these pre-pubes got hipped to the quiet tip. "I guess because we're older and they have to respect us as elders. In fact, at those shows I'd appreciate it if they just addressed us by our surnames, preceded with Mister." :

With Snailhouse at Cafe Chaos on Tuesday, February 22, 9:30pm, $5