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Crazy-ass vaudeville, Mack Mackenzie, nipple poll!
Plus: The trouble with Bourque and bobby pins!
"edited" by AL SOUTH M Hi, this is Bobby from the Kingpins. I take exception to that previous rant that called us all a bunch of talentless rich kids. I'll have you know that I am neither rich nor am I a kid. [BLEEP!]
F (with a Mack Mackenzie song playing in the background) Hi, I just have one question. Where is Mack Mackenzie? [BLEEP!]
M Hello kiddies. I've got a little story for you. It's about a show that you want to go and see. It's a reincarnation of the spirit of VAUDEVILLE. Vaudeville with music. And we're doing it in a bar. Yes, it's fucked up as vaudeville can be. It's as crazy-ass-kill-everything-in-your-mind-except-for-your-mother as vaudeville can be. I'm not in charge of it or anything, I'm just an actor in it, so I'm not trying to plug, like, some production company thing. And it's low budget. We're doing it at Club Zone on the 24th of February. [BLEEP!]
F Hi, we're four really stoned girls and we just wanted to call in and really thank the chick that called in about the bobby pin roach clip, it works like a charm. Thank you so much, you're a goddess, we love you, you're LUSCIOUS. [BLEEP!]
F Hey, this is to whoever said that the ultimate roach clip is a bobby pin. It's not. It's if you go and you get your nails done and you use just the corner of your nail 'cuz that's twice as small as a bobby pin and you can hold it fucking forever. Just don't use a bobby pin 'cuz you're going to burn the bobby pin. [BLEEP!]
M I'm calling about the gay guy, who called in a couple of weeks ago, who had the problem with his roommate. He says never to move in with a girl. I find this a very appalling representation of the gay community. If he doesn't really like women, he shouldn't have had one as a roommate in the first place. I don't know if he's ever gone through the discriminatory things that older gay people have gone through, but I hope he doesn't march with us in gay pride because if he can't give tolerance and acceptance, he has no right to march with us and ask for it. Thank you very much. Bye. [BLEEP!]
M Hey, does anybody remember laughter? [BLEEP!]
F This is the girl who can't get orgasms. For the women who offered to have sex with me, it's very nice but I'm sorry, I still like men and I still like the real thing. I'm not trying to be mean but I'm not into that. And to the fucker who called me frigid, well, you can go to hell. [BLEEP!]
F This is on behalf of women. This is to the guy who enjoys mowing women, okay? First of all, it's not mowing, okay? You make love, okay? Second of all, our vaginas are not called "stinkholes," all right? You uneducated prick, learn how to fucking talk to a woman. Maybe then you will understand how an orgasm works. [BLEEP!]
F This is in response to the young lady promising earth-shaking vaginal orgasms. I seek sexual partners other than my right hand. As good as that might be, I wish to seek other opportunities. I would love to spend a night or two with you and your girlfriend. I would want you to lick my clit all night long. Thank you. [BLEEP!]
F Hi, I have a question. I want to know if guys have a preference between brown nipples and pink nipples. I have brown nipples. I just want to know if people have a preference. I'm serious. [BLEEP!]
M Hi, I was at the anti-police brutality demonstration last Saturday and I'd just like to say that I really didn't appreciate the two or three morons at the end who felt that it was so devastatingly necessary to break the window and spray yellow paint all over the front of that café. Like, what purpose did that serve? I mean, at the beginning we agreed that it was going to be a non-violent protest--that we were not going to give the police any reason to attack us--so if they did it would be their fault. And frankly, I think that we're just fortunate that they didn't. I really think you defeated the whole purpose. I mean, we weren't there to break windows. Now it's going to look like everybody who was at the protest was breaking windows and we really don't need that. If you really must break windows then maybe you should just go and join some sort of street gang and not show up. You make us look like a bunch of TOUGHS rather than citizens with a national message to deliver. [BLEEP!]
M Hey Rant Line. I've got a rant about that fucking guy Mayor Bourque and his friends who shovel the streets in Montreal East. Every year it gets worse since that guy has been elected. Me, I have to wait over a week after a snowstorm before they send some guys to clean my street. Vive Doré! Fuck you, Bourque! Asshole. [BLEEP!]
Next week: Open forum |