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Little rudies, sexy tranquilizers, bobby pins!
Plus: Too-loud metal at Foufs!!
"edited" by AL SOUTH M This is for the guy who perpetuated that little message about the ska scene. Every scene has its poseurs and people who change everything about it except for the name. The skin scene has always had its boneheads, mods have wankers, and rudies are always going to be full of little 12-year-old kids wearing their daddy's suits. But this ain't the SHANTY ghettos of West Kingston, this is Montreal. So get over it. Sport your suit and keep your chin up and go to Bar St-Laurent on Tuesdays. Dance your heart out and act all snub and be a HOT SHOT. All the bitching in the world won't make any difference. Cheers. [BLEEP!]
M To the guy who complained that not enough people go to the BSL. Well, we might go if everyone who wasn't dressed rude enough didn't get stared out of the bar. I consider myself quite the ska fan, and although ska did start out of the recording industry in Jamaica, it has now evolved into live performances. So why not set up a ska night where there is a weekly showcase of some of the emerging talent in Montreal--which is now being swallowed alive by unacceptable venues and no support from fans. Let's have more live ska music, like at Le Swimming every week when the Stomp All-Stars play. People go to that. [BLEEP!]
M Hello, I've been a music fan for decades and I'm very pleased to see that Foufounes includes extreme music in its programmation, namely a METAL night on Tuesdays. But there is one thing that ruins the whole idea and that is that the sound is too fucking loud! I know lots of people who have shown up there and quit after two minutes because they got HEADACHES and were unable to stand the volume of the music. This is the reason why the metal nights are always empty. Tell the DJ to turn down the volume! He doesn't seem to realize that the optimum level for human hearing is not above 200 decibels. In fact, it's a bit under 100 decibels. Otherwise, it's a nice idea and we've all been waiting for a night like this. But come on, do you have to shatter glass? Sylvain, turn it down a little bit before they kick you out and trade you for a polka show! [BLEEP!]
M No one at all, nothing at all, is going to stop me from partying! Do you hear me?! [BLEEP!]
F Hi, I'm a female and at an early age and, well, I have a problem with men. I've tried everything with men just to get an orgasm out of it and no man has ever pleased me and given me a good fuck. And I'm WILD and I like to do a lot of adventurous stuff in bed, you know? But the man only knows bang bang, thank you ma'am. Well, I want something else--a man with a dick who knows how to move it and move it good. Because it kind of sucks after 30 minutes and they're still going at it--thinking they're so good--until they come. So if anybody knows some way that I can get an orgasm--and not by masturbating, by the way--but from a man actually giving me pleasure, well, reach me on the Rant Line and I'll get back to you. [BLEEP!]
F This is for that girl who didn't want to be a virgin for the new millennium and wanted to get DE-VIRGINIZED. Well, I would love to pop your cherry and show you a really wild time. And, believe me, I can make cherries pop really hard. So get back, bye. [BLEEP!]
F I just discovered the ultimate roach clip, people. A bobby pin, a bobby pin! (inhaling) Fucking wicked, man. (exhales) [BLEEP!]
M Tell that fucking mental case from a couple of weeks ago to shut her fucking mouth about Ativan! I fucking live on Ativan and if it weren't for this beautiful, sexy drug I would probably go down to the fucking bin they keep her in and rip out her fucking throat. Thank you. [BLEEP!]
M My ex-roommate just showed up at my door after two months wanting to get her stuff back out of my apartment. I told her no because she owed me money, so she called the police and told them that I had a GUN and threatened to kill her. Seven police cars showed up at my door and eight cops busted in, put me in handcuffs, pushed me against the wall and said, "We're going to go upstairs and search for a gun, is that all right?" And of course they didn't find one. But my roommate did get her dictionaries and her MANNEQUIN HEADS out of the house. I'm glad she had seven police cars to help her move her stuff. This is all just to say that I'm glad I'm GAY because I don't really like women. Never move in with a girl you meet on the street, man. Be gay, that's the way to go. [BLEEP!]
Next week: Open forum |