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Welcome to fantasy island Queer Montrealers talk about their hidden desires by Matthew Hays What a messy, complicated relationship we gay folk have with popular culture. On the one hand, much of the history of media--especially Hollywood, our primary dream factory--has excluded representations of our lives; on the other, gays and lesbians are as hooked as anyone on the images fed to us through TV and film. Though times are indeed changing in this post-Ellen world, it strikes me that a culture with such a dearth of queer images presents unique challenges for queer spectators. While wading through it all, gays and lesbians have found new ways to mine culture for same-sex subtexts, whether intended by the artist or imagined.
Yes, I'm admitting it here: watching First Officer Spock, full of cool logic, often seen in counterpoint to the hysterical Dr. McCoy, led to a wicked crush on the Vulcan. While always committed to the Enterprise's various missions, Spock was also set aside by his half-breed status, his dramatically different emotional make-up--Spock was an outsider, something I could relate to. I spent much of my early adolescence wondering if there were gay Vulcans. My endearment to the character only grew when I read that there were others out there who imagined Spock and Kirk in a decidedly sexual relationship and, when the characters were resurrected for a series of movies, my gay interpretation was only enhanced. Witness Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan--Spock's death scene is easily one of the most beautiful evocations of love between two men ever captured on film. It is in this interpretive spirit that the Mirror, in celebration of the city's annual gay celebration Divers/Cité, has asked over 20 Montrealers to come out all over again in our pages, disclosing for the very first time a passion or sexual fantasy they've never revealed before. While most have cited celebrities, we've given our interviewees free rein to describe any fantasy they've ever bottled up. Let the love that once dared not speak its name spit it out loudly here--or swallow, if necessary.
C'mon get happy I've thought a lot about fantasies. Just prior to leaving New York to move back to Montreal I placed a series of personal ads in the Village Voice. I wanted to leave the city with a bang. Each add was a personal fantasy of mine! The first one read "Looking for a David Cassidy lookalike (while he was young) to have sex with on multicoloured bus, (I'll supply the bus) to the song "I Woke up in Love This Morning." Unfortunately, the only one who responded looked more like Susan Dey... with braces. So I passed.
So now I sit at home eating fat-free popcorn and watching reruns of The Partridge Family. David, are you out there? E-mail me at: graephillips@geocities.com --Drag performer Grae Phillips. Phillips' show plays tonight, July 29 through Saturday, July 31 at the Comedy Nest. Info: 844-7277
A piece of the action
--Author and poet Erin Mouré, whose latest collection of poetry, A Frame of the Book, was published this spring
Size does count, after all Frankenstein's monster, because he's so big. He can scare off queer-bashers, too. Docile, yet unpredictable. Doesn't talk, but grunts really loudly. And I assume that all body parts are functional and, like I said, big. --Le Mystique's John Banks
Where's the beef? I've been making a documentary on women bullfighters for the past four years. It's very erotically charged. They're so feminine and elegant yet it's a traditionally masculine thing. --Filmmaker Kathryn Klassen
Hair days When I was four I used to brush my hair in front of the TV when Mr. Rogers' Neighbourhood was playing and I'd ask him if he liked my hair. --Divers/Cité organizer Miriam Ginestier
Sex in the closet
--Activist Michael Hendricks
The gang's all here My fantasy is to be invited to a sexual happening at the Belgo Building, hosted by Mado, with Ewan McGregor, DJ Luc Raymond, DJSC, the cute red-headed guy from my dépanneur on the corner, Stefan the waiter from La Paryse, Danny the bar man from L'Aigle Noir and Romloc19 from the mtlfrgay chat room. We have to hold it during the tennis championships so that Pete Sampras can come. --Visual artist Kevin Crombie
Superhero sex I found Chris O'Donnell, in that black Robin outfit in the Batman movies, really sexy. That would be appetizing. I'd have to be the Green Lantern or something. As for a real-life fetish, I met filmmaker John Maybury [Love Is the Devil] a couple of years ago and he looked at my hands and said he had a hand fetish. That's something I'd really be into exploring, hands on.
--Performance artist and filmmaker
Sisters are doin' it for themselves I want to dress up in drag and seduce Whitney Houston and show her that anything a man can do a woman can do better. --Body piercer Lucy Black
Close encounters of the most fabulous kind
--Drag performer LaReign
Extra cheese, please My fantasy is what I like to call the McCain Pizza Supreme... that tender, no-mess rim. --Comedian Craig Francis
Get thee to a therapist
I'd love to tell you that my secret fantasy involves something like me tied to a tree by a leather-clad Jodie Foster. The truth is, the few fantasies I indulge in are so dull they would make Doris Day look trampy. I do, however, have a secret passion. I have a thing for drag queens--the skinny little nerdy ones, not the muscle-clad divas. It started back when Kids in the Hall was airing weekly. There was a particular skit with these prostitutes, one of whom had a French accent, that I was inexplicably drawn to. I loved those prostitutes. When Dave Foley started doing a lot of drag, I was totally smitten. In Pat, the movie, Foley played Chris, Pat's girlfriend, and I thought she was just the hottest thing. Later I got little crushes on local
I'll never know what to make of this. I don't want to get it on with these drag queens. I just get off on watching them. But it's strictly a drag thing. --Writer Johanne Cadorette
Threesome Participating in an advanced game of strip truth or dare with Ed Norton, Paul Rudd and Paul Newman (circa 1958). --Divers/Cité communications director Chris DiRaddo
Indoor sports I want to be a blonde and fucked by a soccer team in the back seat of a car. Preferably a Brazilian soccer team. --Ici columnist and drag performer Mado, who will be hosting the Divers/Cité drag gala this Saturday, July 31 at 8 p.m. at Parc Émilie-Gamelin (corner Berri and Ste-Catherine)
The lost and found dept. Some woman comes along and brings back my libido. I lost it somewhere. --Divers/Cité director Suzanne Girard
Involuntary voyeurism
--Journalist John Custodio
Desert love To be Ralph Fiennes seducing Kristin Scott Thomas in The English Patient. --Image&Nation director Charlie Boudreau
You shouldn't have! I would love to send a hunk to my boyfriend for a present, so they could have one night together. There are people he thinks are unobtainable. I feel so secure with him, though I don't know how I'd react. Just giving him that pleasure, though, would be great. --Filmmaker José Torrealba
Doing the bad guys I really like Dr. Evil from the Austin Powers movies. And Mini-me at the same time, if he's available. --Filmmaker Nelson Henricks
Drag king I want to date a girl who looks like Ed Norton in American History X. Can you say hormones? --Image&Nation programmer Katherine Setzer
No patience for the patients This is more of a revenge fantasy than anything. I'm a nurse with big hair and big white shoes. My patient is none other than Lucien Bouchard and he's all trussed up. I'll leave the rest of my fantasy up to your imagination... --Author Will Aitken
Party favours I imagine getting into a big party with hundreds of people. Everyone is wearing a mask. I suddenly exchange glances with someone. We leave our masks on but get away from the crowd. We make love, and then blend right back into the crowd again. We then lose each other among all the people, and are left only with the memory. --Sisters owner Lucie Duguay, who swears she hasn't seen Eyes Wide Shut
Let's do the time warp I would go back to 1978, back to the middle of a conversation where he asked me a question and I said yes and should have said no. This was the mistake that brought our relationship to an end. --Historian Ross Higgins, who will speak about researching gay culture this Friday, July 30 at UQAM. Info: 287-9987
Light my fire
--Publicist and Dykes on Mykes co-host Elana Wright
The next wave of graduation
Fantasy No. 1: to be towel boy/masseur for the Cuban soccer team at the next Olympics. Fantasy No. 2: I went to two convocations this
--Concordia professor and author Tom Waugh
To know them is to love them Sure, there are celebrities who make you say, wow, they'd be interesting. But for me, fantasy must be tinged with reality. It's got to be somebody who I could have a conversation with the next morning. My fantasy involves someone like my partner. The fantasy must be with someone, say, like Jodie Foster, who I know I would be able to have an intelligent discussion with the day after. --Professor Anne Whitelaw
Upping the lesbo content I have a dream that big, fat lesbian characters appear in every prime time TV program from now on. On the romantic side, I would like Catherine Zeta-Jones to discover the beauty of independent lesbian video production and land on my casting couch. --Video artist Anne Golden
Interviews by Matthew Hays Some photos by Gunther Gamper and Jason Felker
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I grew up on a healthy diet of reruns of the classic Star Trek series, for example. But my readings of the episodes were undoubtedly vastly different from those of my het siblings as we sat and watched the show together. They watched as the brash Capt. Kirk cruised the galaxy for babes in rave wear; I always watched Spock, who seemed to witness this spectacle of Kirk's misguided libido with bemused detachment.
I then placed an add that read: "Want to participate in gym fantasy with muscular straight guy?" Ok, so it's standard... but it's still a good one. I got a pile of responses, and after picking one decided to meet him at a gay sports bar called Splash. I was thrilled, he was gorgeous, but seemed nervous and told me his wife was out of town and would I go to his home (complete with gym) in New Jersey. The recent TV news had been reporting a series of homophobic murders throughout the city, and I immediately had visions of my body parts floating along the Hudson river. I gently declined and he slammed his beer down and walked out.
I don't really fantasize about any one person. Rather, I like bits and pieces of various people. I really like Arnold Schwarzenegger. I like the idea of machine and person combined. Of course, I have to extrapolate that from the fact that he's a straight Republican. I also like Julia Roberts' mouth. I go to her movies just to watch it move.
I have a fixation with a certain Quebec political figure. But he's closeted, so I can't name him. He's tall, dark and handsome. I've dealt with him on occasion, and it's been very compromising. I can't look at him. He has such beautiful eyes. I get wet when he smiles. I'm dying to see what he's got under those fabulous clothes!
It's a beautiful starry night in Montreal. The air is warm with a soft wind. I am on my terrace, in the nude, with a bottle of champagne and a joint. THEY come near, hover, communicate a few essential truths. THEY ask me to trust them and to come with them. I do, of course. THEY take me to a place where there can be a loving, spiritual union between them and me. We share the ultimate climax as THEY help me to expand my mind beyond conditioned limitations. That's right. I dream of a world where there is creative individualism. Where gender identification, sexual preferences, prejudices, titles, fear, hate and jealousy are not issues. Where love is the highest order. I can't change this world. I can only change myself. I'm leaving with THEM. So bye-bye!
drag queens. For a while my favourite was Nana, when she played Mado's sidekick at bingo. Nana would get trashed on shooters and prance around with her clothes barely on. Now, though, I think I would go for Nicole, Mado's sister. I love Mado, but she's not my type--too buff.
I would be having sex with a half dozen of my fave Falcon Studio studs. We're doing a remake of Casting Call, the classic porn film. Reverend Fred Phelps would be forced to watch. From another room, of course, because having him in the same room would be gross.
I would like to slide down a fire pole with a female firefighter. It's the uniform that does it for me.
year and they were a bit slow. So I've suggested, and am awaiting administration approval, that next year's convocation take place underwater at the Olympic pool... nude. The honorary degree will go to Brad Pitt who, instead of the traditional convocation address, will perform a slow motion swan dive from the high board. To the musical interlude presented by Ricky Martin, liberated at last from clothes and the closet alike, the entire graduating engineering class of the year 2000 will offer a mass demonstration of non-textile synchronized swimming.