1. 356 (Atwater­Ste-Anne-de-Bellevue)

2. 363 (St-Laurent)

3. 365 (du Parc)

4. 371 (Décarie)

Honourable mentions: the ones with guns * ride your bike.

Best metro station

1. McGill

2. Berri-UQAM

3. Lionel-Groulx

4. Places-d'Armes

5. Guy, Mont-Royal (tie)

6. Vendôme

Best place to spot a celebrity

1. St-Laurent

2. Buona Notte

3. Planet Hollywood

4. Globe

5. Crescent street

Honourable mentions: Air Canada Maple Leaf lounge * at the sauna * Bifteck * Bily Kun * Canada Day Parade * Club Price * Chapters * DiSalvio's * Hollywood or New York * in the court house * Jello * Koji's Kaizen * Mövenpick * MusiquePlus * my bathroom * my house * my kitchen * once upon a time * joints * Pegabo (Nick Cage) * Stone Gym (David Hyde Pierce) * Super Sexe * TV * Wanda's * while working for an escort agency.

As determined by our esteemed readers, celebs are most often spotted on St-Laurent. Though when not on the Main, they seem to be dabbling in Montreal's fine sex industry--frequenting strip clubs and cavorting with call girls--or wrangling with the law or attending our nation's birthday festivities. Sounds like those crazy famous people are whooping it up any which way you look at it.

Best place to overhear a conversation

1. WC

2. Café

3. Bus/metro

Honourable mentions: ER * from the kitchen of Mexicali Rosa's on Bishop--very juicy stuff * women's Y * where there's a conversation * Il Bolero's fetish night * peep shows * phone tap * Dr. Waldon's waiting room * Bonaventure train station * bingo hall * Air Canada business class cabin * at the dentist's * bank line-ups * L'Avenue * laundromat * in my head * Jean Coutu * Holt's snack bar * Da Emma * Concordia shuttle bus * Nantha's * c-phone scanner * Presse Café in the Village * spas at La Cité.

When your own companion proves a bore, it's always useful to tune in to someone's else's adjacent conversation. Eavesdropping can serve to not only entertain you and your boring friend, but may actually re-ignite your own chat session and provide helpful information for day-to-day living. "Did you hear that?!? I mean, they look totally real. I guess Dr. so-and-so really is a top-notch surgeon."

Best neighbourhood

1. Plateau

2. NDG

3. Westmount

4. Mile-End

Honourable mentions: not mine * the mean streets of Hampstead * Brossard * Little Italy * McGill ghetto * Shaughnessy Village * the cusp.

Best graffitti

1. Omen

2. None/kill all graffitiers

3. The lip mural on the corner of Jeanne-Mance 4. and President-Kennedy

4. Flow

5. Tie: Zilon; Seaz; Keith Haring

6. Tie: Guy Metro; St-Laurent Metro; Zep

Honourable mentions: "Galganov Sac-à-merde" * "Newfie bastardo" * "Anglo your days are counted" * "Fuck Samos Bakery" * "Other than that, how was the parade, Mrs. Kennedy?"

We left the category deliberately vague. We accepted your votes for the works of artists, taggers, wits, politicos--anyone who's put something up on a wall. There were votes for different taggers, votes for legitimate graffitti works (e.g. the gorgeously painted underpass tunnel on Ste-Marguerite in St-Henri) and illegitimate (mostly everybody else's), and an honourable mention for the washrooms of Central Station. And then there are the lips, druggy and sensual, that, after 30 years on the same wall, still capture our collective imagination.

Best emergency ward

1. Royal Victoria

2. Montreal General

3. Jewish General

4. St-Mary's

5. Hôtel-Dieu

Honourable mentions: anyone that'll take you * 911 * they all make me feel queasy * St-Luc * Lakeshore General * they're all crap * you're joking, right?

We're not trying to say you--mid-heart attack--should stop your gurney and take in the ER decor, but when push comes to shove and your bleeder requires professional attention, it's nice to know where you can expect decent service. After a year of ER horror stories, the Mirror is happy to provide a list of our readers' favourite emergency wards.

Best CLSC

1. Cavendish

2. Guy

3. René-Cassin

4. Lac St-Louis, Côte-des-Neiges,

4. Pierrefonds (tie)

Honourable mentions: St-Joseph * Atwater * do I look like I'm on welfare? * du Parc * Brossard * they all suck * LaSalle.

Best place to have public sex

1. Mount Royal

2. Washroom at Luba

3. McGill campus/library/Shatner building

Honourable mentions: 737 * 1000 de la Gauchetière * alley * Amsterdam * Agrignon park * anywhere if it's public * lawn exhibit at CCA * back of a car * bathrooms * behind any ticket counter at Mirabel airport * behind curtains at Unity * boat in St-Lawrence * car on Décarie * CLSC * Club Extreme * drive-in * Eaton's 9th floor * elevators in school * Faubourg theatre * fountain at Place-d'Armes * golf course or cemetery * ground floor offices at Vidéotron's communtiy access channel on Viger * hospital rooms * in our blue van * jail * Jazz Fest crowd * John Abbott College * kiddie park on Coloniale * Labatt park site * libraries * Lionel-Groulx behind the bushes * the lookout * Loyola campus * McDonald's * metro * my back porch * my friend Zoe's * my secret * Old Forum * Old Port * on balcony * on lawn at city hall * on sands of Memorial Beach * on the roof of my van in the parking lot of the casino * on top of the washbasins in the toilets of Central Station * Parc des Iles * parking lot * Place Ville-Marie * phone booth * pool at Royal Vic * portable bathrooms * PVM elevator * Sky * Sona * stairs of a hotel * Stereo * St-Joseph W. * the Internet * this question is so scandalous * top of a building * truckstop * TV * upper deck of CP Rail's gallery on Ste-Anne line.

Best reason not to move

1. Cheap rent

2. Summer

3. Montreal women

4. The people

5. Nightlife

Honourable mentions: $.49 pizza * a chance at seeing Mike Mcgee sans pants * the mentally challenged guy who hangs around the Cavendish Mall * all the nasty litter * Anglo-Saxon Canadians * bagels * Bar des Pins * because you can't * best food in North America * best public sex * best welfare town * bisexual girls * change is bad * cheap drugs * cheap pizza * cheap tuition * wonderful gay scene * cultural events * cute boys all the time * dial-a-weed * elevators are too small * expensive food * Foufs * French boys * girls from Stomp Records * Grim Skunk * hate packing * it's a bitch * it's going to get better * it's not Toronto * Luba * movers that jack you * Montreal is the place everyone loves to hate * no money * save money and sore muscles * the chance to meet David Usher * the Habs * to piss off the peppers * you can live on welfare and live next door to a millionaire * you can smoke here.

Best-kept Montreal secret

$.49 pizza * 1382 Notre-Dame W. * Air Montreal discount airline * Allegra * Amelio's * anglophones * another referendum * architectural display at CCA * B&M on Monkland * bagels * Bar de Pins * beautiful women * best contemporary music scene in North America * Big O * bilingualism * Boustan resto * Café Boomer * Café l'Express breakfast * Celine Dion had a baby when she was 16 * Chad Kenemy * cheap drugs * cheap rent * Checkpoint Charlie * Cosmo's * cost of living * Dalcourt lane * DJ Slyde * Drugstore * Else's chile drink * English people * Epitaph Records * ethnic restos on CDN * everyone works under the table * Faim du Monde * Fairmount Bagel * female G-spot * friperies * George Souvlaki * girls * girls at Annik's escort * girls give other girls special massages at Aux 4 Mains on Ontario E. * great hot dog restos of Notre-Dame in St-Henri * great summers * grouchy cab drivers * happy anglos * hasn't been found yet * headache * homosexuals galore * hot girls * Hudson Foga * I am a prophet * I'm not telling * if it's the best I still don't know * it's a secret * it's actually upside-down * John Farrow is really Trevor Ferguson; Trevor Ferguson is really Stephen King * La Paryse * Lachine canal * Les Vivres * live shows * location of bike paths * Luba * massage parlours * McGill lesbian conspiracy * Me * Melissa Auf der Maur * Mistress Sheva's dungeon * Montreal ska scene still rocks * Mount Royal * musical apartments * not a French city * nuclear shelters * once you live here, you'll never want to leave * ourselves * poutine * Pratt park in Outremont * Pointe St-Charles is like, really close to downtown * public sex * René Lévesque is not dead ** riverwalk promenade along the Verdun & LaSalle shorelines * Royal Vic pool * sans menu * Santropol * Sasha is really a man * Sherbrooke & Cavendish * souvenir shops open 24/7 * Spaceshits * St-Elizabeth * Stereo * strip clubs * Student Bodies is filmed here * St-Viateur bagels * Tampopo * textbook buy/return policy at McGill * the artists * the Big "O" tower to lean in the future like "Pisa" * the Mirror of course * the people are so nice here * THEY ARE HERE! * this is heaven on earth * tunnel under Mount Royal * underground porn * Villa du Souvlaki * water fountains laced with crack * waterbed massages at 4 Mains * we all speak English here * we aren't all French * we're nice * we're trapped * weekly bus pass * we're not telling * where is all the hash gone?

Most dangerous intersection

1. du Parc & des Pins

2. du Parc & Mont-Royal

3. St-Laurent & Ste-Catherine, Cavendish & Kildare (tie)

4. Sherbrooke & University

Honourable mentions: all of them (this is Quebec) * any near the Big O * the legs of any Dôme-goer * that one in Beaconsfield (Woodland, now a multimillion dollar underpass) * who crosses at intersections?

Political gaffe of the year

1. Re-electing Pierre Bourque

2. PQ re-election

3. Jean Chrétien not going to King Hussein's funeral

Honourable mentions: Alliance Quebec picketing Eaton * anything said by Bouchard or Chrétien * Bernard Landry pulling strings to get his wife a hospital bed ahead of others * Bourque's China trips * demo against police brutality * municipal mega-merger * invasion of Kosovo by Serbs * Jean Doré's comeback * Michel Prescott's campaign * naming an alley after Nick Auf der Maur * trying to weasel around Helen Fotopulos * William Johnson.

Best bank

1. Royal

2. mbanx

3. Toronto Dominion

4. Caisse Populaire

5. CIBC

Honourable mentions: food bank * sperm bank * hahahhahahahahaha * I hate banks * mattress * not mine * my piggy bank.

Best local Web site

1. The Mirror Online (www.montrealmirror.com)

2. Stomp Records (www.cam.org/~stomp)

3. The Gazette Online

4. (www.montrealgazette.com),

4. CHOM (www.chom.com) (tie)

4. Moist (www.moist.ca),

4. Yahoo! (www.yahoo.com),

4. STCUM (www.stcum.qc.ca) (tie)

Honourable mentions: Pamela Anderson's * Montreal's unoffical pagan page (www.total.net/ ~sabre) * DNA (www.dnarecords.com).

Best Internet server

1. Total Net

2. Vidéotron

3. Cam

4. Sympatico

5. Delphi, Sprint (tie)

Honourable mentions: Open Face * McGill.

Best way to learn French

1. Date/marry/boink a French person

2. Go to France

3. Go to the east end

4. Take a course

Honourable mentions: Allô Police * become the S&M slave of a dominant unilingual francophone * Bleu Nuit on TQS * Bordeaux jail * borrow a French girl's tongue for a while * cabane à sucre * drink with frogs * get a job * get drunk * get stuck
in a hospital waiting in St-Louis de Ha ha!

* getting your ass kicked in some god forsaken east end shit hole * have a threesome with a unilingual francophone guy & his unilingual francophone girlfriend * lift your skirt in the east end of town * memorize one full sentence * parachute into Saguenay * read menu at La Belle Province * Sesame Street * speak English with a French accent...throw in a couple of French words once in a while * take the plug outta your ass * TQS Sex et Confidence * work at Pie IX Dodge Chrysler.

Best festival

1. Jazz

2. Just for Laughs

3. Fringe

4. FantAsia, International Film (tie)

5. Divers/Cité

Honourable mentions: tam tams * Mtl Porn Fest * Mondiale de la Bière * Carifiesta * Edge Fest * Festival du Hot Dog at Resto Green * Fetish Fest * Francofolies * Homard * George Festival (souvlaki).

Best cab company

1. Diamond

2. Atlas

3. Co-op

4. Unitaxi

5. Champlain

6. Veteran's

Honourable mentions: the first one that stops * Mr. Taxi * one that hires Hatians * Beaubien * Candare * West Island Co-op * any when it's -20C, 3 am and you're drunk * Air Taxi 2000 *the one with the blues guy * yellow * there's more than one?

Best new trend

1. Cargo pants

2. Butterfly hair clips; pink; shiny pants;

4. Tae Bo (tie)

3. Bisexuality; goomies; hip hop; platform

2. shoes; protests every other week;

2. tube tops (tie)

Honourable mentions: 3/4 sleeves * afros * all-nite parties * anal sex * barbie doll shirts * bead curtains on windows * being in a ska band * bell bottoms * big ugly shoes * black flared polyester pants * black on blue * bra-strap hair bands * café au lait * capri pants * CIQC * coloured contacts * comeback of monarchy * dancing: salsa, swing, etc * death metal * drawstring clothes (easy to take off) * dresses over pants * drugs * educational protests * empanadas everywhere * feather boas * Furbies * glasses * Greek worry beads * having a cell phone * Hawaiian shirts * heavy metal revival * Irish culture * khaki's * keeping fit * Liquid Cocaine shooters * live-in S&M slavery * long hair * lounge scene * Madonna * male masseurs for women * Mendhi * microbreweries * Mtl performance art is blowing up * newly built townhouses * no bras with halter * no dancing cool bars * no tipping policy in massage parlors * older guys adopting younger girls * pants that change into shorts * performance poetry * plastic glasses * polite bus drivers in LaSalle * public massage * rave clothes are out * resurgence of metal * return of Vaginal Croutons * right-wing teens & twentysomethings (how about hiring them at the Mirror?) * sandals * sex in public places * short pants * short-short bangs * sneakers * soup & noodles * sparkles * spiked hair * spoken word * studies for surface metro in Mtl * summer * sushi * tapered pants * tattoos * throw a stick & you hit a coffee shop * tight everything * tip-happy Americans * trends are never good * VIP necklaces * wait 'til summer * white everything * women not looking like little girls * women treating themselves to erotic massages * www. hudsonfoga.com * xx-large * yawn * yo-yos.

Worst new trend

1. Platform shoes

2. Pierced body parts (various)

3. Butterfly clips

4. Cargo pants

Dishonourable mentions: "Have a day", "Sucks to be you" (why does everyone keep saying that to me?) * 1970s fashions * 5-yr-old chick voices * accusing people of not having a culture (Canadians, Celine Dion, etc) * all * alternative girls * Asian themed clubs * cocaine & swing * Avanti cigarettes * bad funk * baggy pants * being gay/cool/fake * bell bottoms * big black goofy shoes * bra-strap hair bands * breakin' * capri pants * caterpillar scarves & extreme tight clothing * celibacy * changing everything 'cuz we have to * Chinese themed clubs * CJAD * cowboy boots * cell phones * dancing * dark lipstick/punk-red hair * date rape/Titanic * drawstrings * drugs * elephant pants * fat chicks in Barbie doll shirts * fear of touching * fishing hats * fluorescent bubble gum * Furbies * girls with attitude * glo sticks * government underfunding * grafitti * guys wearing undershirts in public * hair kerchiefs * hair-strap bras * Hawaiian print shirts * invasion of chain bookstores * junk faxers faxing homes as well as offices * knickers at Asian shows * Latin look * less house parties * loose everything * loud mouth * know-it-all teenagers * low-slung buses * multi-coloured camouflage pants * muscle boy suburban peppers * new big cinema complexes * one pant leg up & one down * one-strap velcro bags * phony boas * photo i.d. in government data banks * Plateau gentrification * polyester & vinyl * protest after protest * ravers * referendums * resuscitation of Bill 101 * revival of disco * Second Cup * sensationalism * shootings in clubs * short-short-short bangs * ska * skaters * skinny shoes * skirts over pants * smoking * snort * snotty hair dressers on St-Laurent * sparkles * Spice Girl shoes * swing nites * tagging in metro stations * teensploitation flicks * the supposed cool inundation of Ottawa frat boys; go home dammit * those annoying black leather jackets * tiger balm * total political correctness * ugly metro stations * VIP necklaces * wait 'til summer * war in the Balkans * white eyeshadow & thick shoes * women becoming radical feminists & not shaving their legs * women getting tattoos * women who don't shave * yo pants.