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>>> Nov. 25, 1999 Alley elves Every so often an online fad breaks out and everyone's mailbox is flooded with the latest craze to hit the Net. This week, Elf Bowling suddenly appeared, and overnight millions of people were mowing down little pointy-eared men with virtual bowling balls. A creation of those nutty programmers at Nstorm (www.nstorm.com), Elf Bowling lets Santa loose on a bowling alley with elves as pins. The fun lies in the fact that normal pins don't move, taunt, or get accidentally decaptitated. Ill communication: The Beastie Boys just released their new anthology, The Sounds of Science, but through their Web site at www.beastieboys.com you can create your own 40 track, 2 disc set from several hundred available songs. This stunt is a first for a major artist. Mullets Galore: Check out www.mulletsgalore.com and explore a field guide to that most elusive of redneck phenomena, the mullet. Also called hockey hair, the mullet is the official haircut of NASCAR, Pabst Blue Ribbon and various brands of shootin' stuff. -- Michael Citrome |
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>>> Nov. 18, 1999 MP3 made very, very easy Possibly the hottest thing going on the net right now, Napster is a name sure to be on everyone's lips as the holidays roll around and we all have a bit more time to waste. Billed as a "music community," Napster is bar none the best way to find MP3s on the Net. Once you download the Napster client you instantly have access to hundreds of thousands of MP3s. Napster will automatically list your MP3 files and make them available for download. You can also search through all the MP3s offered by Napster users and download whichever ones you want, with no restrictions. Unlike most MP3 sites, which are unreliable or force you to upload to get songs, Napster is free and every song you find will be available because it only lists MP3s currently online. To give you some idea: a sample search for A Tribe Called Quest turned up more than 30 songs. Get the Napster client, currently only available for Windows PCs, at www.napster.com. -- Michael Citrome |
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>>> Nov. 11, 1999 Do not pass go, Bill Gates Looks like Microsoft may soon meet the same fate as Ma Bell and be broken into pieces, now that a U.S. federal court judge ruled that the software empire broke antitrust laws. You can read up on the verdict at Yahoo! Full Coverage (http://fullcoverage.yahoo.com/fc/Tech/Microsoft_Antitrust_Trial/). The court may have declared Microsoft a monopoly, but one site claims that MS founder Bill Gates is in fact the spawn of Satan. Bill Gates: The Antichrist (http://www.freeyellow.com/members4/privantu/bill666.htm) may be one man's swan dive off the deep end, but some of his arguments are convincing. Is the Windows logo really the mark of the beast? The whole Microsoft fiasco came about from the inclusion of Internet Explorer as part of the Windows operating system. As it happens, many people actively dislike MSIE. Check out Internet Exploiter (http://www.jwp.bc.ca/saulm/ie4/) for your RDA of cruelty. Of course, another option is to dispense with Internet Explorer and go back to the old school. Browzerz R Us (http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Network/7070/vintage.html) offers a selection of vintage browsers including Netscape 1.0 and Mosaic. Frames? Bah! -- Michael Citrome |
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>>> Nov. 4, 1999 Stupid = funny The World Wide Web has a long history of documenting human stupidity; allow Networthy(TM) to guide you through. (Warning: These sites may cause cynicism in younger viewers.) * Possibly the single greatest repository of human foolishness is the Darwin Awards (www.darwinawards.com/), an archive of awards that, in the spirit of evolutionist Charles Darwin, commemorate those "who suffered idiotic and fatal misadventures, thereby dousing our gene pool with chlorine." Here you'll read about the sad demise of a group of terrorists who failed to account for daylight savings time on their car bombs and detonated themselves en route. * The Webcrawler Search Hall of Fame (www.sb.net/ksimpson/webcrawler.html/) documents some of the stupidest Webcrawler searches ever, annotated with explanations. Typical searches include "goth kennels" and "Does Fabio love me." * Ladies and germs, I give you Fat Chicks in Party Hats (www.portalofevil.com/fatchicksinpartyhats/). "Are you stuck to my back honey?" "Yes. There is a pizza here." -- Michael Citrome |
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>>> Oct. 28, 1999 Dr. Tongue's 3-D house of Web sites Ghosts and witches might form some peoples' idea of Halloween, but if your tastes veer more to Frankenstein and Count Dracula, you'll probably enjoy The Gallery of Monster Toys (http://members.aol.com/raycastile/page1.htm) where you can view monster toys dating from the '60s to the present. Break out the chewable monster vitamins! If you're in for something gorier, allow me to make one last plug for the Celebrity Morgue (http://www.celebritymorgue.com/). Part of the world-renowned bastion of poor taste that is rotten.com, Celebrity Morgue features the final portraits of such stars as Tupac Shakur, Josef Stalin and famed circus elephant Jumbo. Not for the faint of heart. Halloween is a time of candy--and, more often than not, bad candy. But before you cry over a trick-or-treat bag full of those nasty molasses things, take a gander at The Page of Bad Candy (http://www.geocities.com/NapaValley/2066/). At this site, you can view some very, very bad candy. Be sure to try Double Zout, it's particularly vile. -- Michael Citrome |
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>>> Oct. 21, 1999 Hedonism for the greater good of mankind Angry? Frustrated? Bored? Want to buy expensive objects on credit while protesting against the capitalist system in which we live? Why not join Decadent Action (http://www.underbelly.demon.co.uk/decadent/), hyper-inflationary anarchists who want to topple the world economic system by living extremely well. Learn about initiatives such as World Phone-In-Sick Day 2000. It's better than joining the Raelians, and with nicer clothes. It's a twisted bit of economic theorizing, but it just might work. Direct from the source: Why spend all your hard-earned cash at Urban Outfitters on a cost-inflated Sumo Fan, when you can get it from the source. Archie McPhee (http://www.archiemcphee.com/) has the goods and more. Where else can you get a Sarcastic 8 Ball? Hip hop lingo: The Beastie Boys may tell you to bring back the old New York rap, but why not just create your own? For definitions of all the hip hop terms you'll ever encounter, check out the Rap Dictionary (http://www.rapdict.org/) and be down with the old skool steez, yo. You'll be the mack daddy and the daddy mack. -- Michael Citrome |
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>>> Oct. 14, 1999 Happy think tank If you ever find yourself depressed and confused--and it happens to the best of us--check out The Institute of Official Cheer (www.lileks. com/institute/). Inside you'll find idealized portraits of the gods of corporate America, best-forgotten moments in the lives of stars--Bob Hope kissing men, for example, or Jerry Lewis with a wine glass inserted whole into his mouth--and more. As well, you'll get the chance to adopt a cast-off product mascot of the past. I recommend Dave the Self-Denying Fish. It will definitely cheer you up, though it may leave you confused. Marxist-Leninist cartoonist: If you ever thought Dilbert was a front for a communist plot to topple the American government, take a gander at Dilbert: Propaganda for New-Order Bolshevism (www.andrew.cmu.edu/~dmb/dilbert.html) and discover someone who agrees with you, you nut. -- Michael Citrome |
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>>> Oct. 7, 1999 Work it baby Well, this is the last Networthy(TM) from yours truly, and it's been fun. But now it's time to clean out the bookmarks, and spread some joy. Start with the Noodle (www.thenoodle.com), where you'll find a Java version of the Kevin Bacon game, and a handy little utility called Newsblip which serves up the lastest headlines, as well as being a news search engine. Swing by Bitterwaitress.com for some angry waitress stories. The most fun are the celeb run-ins. Interested in beefing up your Engrish skills? Visit www.lumine.net/engrish/index.html and learn about that sweet sweet Pocari Sweat. Looking for some light web-reading? Maybe you want to stop by Feedmag.com, for some reviews, news and festures. The latest issue is the Art Issue: Part II. Enjoy. Toss me: Mitchell Amihod |
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>>> Sep. 30, 1999 Rock 'n' roll RIP >Let's be honest: most of us plebes are never going to make it to Nine Mile, Jamaica, to visit Bob Marley's grave. Or when do you think you'll next be anywhere near Fremantle Cemetery in West Australia to pay your respects to Bon Scott? Thanks to the magic of the Internet, geography is no longer an impediment to visiting (virtually) the graves of your favourite music stars. Just drop by the Cemetery of Rock (www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Frontrow /2547/grave.html) and have a little look-see. Some of the graves you'll find include those of Roy Orbison, Elvis and Jimi Hendrix. Quality viewing:This is worth checking out, since I don't think the ad is actually airing in Canada. It's one of the original Dreamcast ads from Japan, and it's pretty slick. You'll find it at www.sega.com/console/index.shtml. Follow the link to the "Apocalypse Commercial." Toss me: Mitchell Amihod |
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>>> Sep. 23, 1999 That's a lot of zeros If you got your education reading Richie Rich comics, as I did, you probably know that a googol is a 1 followed by 100 zeros. Now get ready for Google.com, the latest and greatest of search engines (or so the creators hope). Using "sophisticated next-generation technology," Google promises a better, smarter search engine. It's got a simple and clean interface, and if you're tired of your old search engines you might want to give this one a spin. Fashionable insanity:From my Networthy™ Global Spy-Net comes this little site: fi.ugo.com, dedicated to comedy, parody, satire et al. The site includes the AssMaster--the anti-Ann Landers. Learn about the upcoming Gary Coleman Webathon, and check out the wicked feature on future fashions. The site will keep you clicking for at least a good 20 minutes, and you may even want to come back for more. Kiss me: Mitchell Amihod |