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Beer Line(TM) killed due to lack of corporate support, Rant Line(TM) returns!
Plus: Public Enemy, phallic vegetables!!
"edited" by AL SOUTH M We should bow our heads in fucking SHAME. The greatest group in hip hop history who have toured the world about a dozen fucking times and released about eight albums and two full length video tapes and has countless achievements under their belt came to Montreal, and performed like professionals for two and a half hours in front of about 150 people. I'm talking about, of course, Public Enemy and the event that went down at Rainbow-ites last week in NDG. At times like this, the hip hop scene should be looking to the punk scene for inspiration. Groups like Diesel Boy and BigWig and Strung Out can fill up Rainbow-ites, can bring tons and tons of bodies there. Then you'll have groups like Limp Bizkit coming to town to the Molson Centre and it'll be sold out. So when you see talented Montreal groups taking off and going south of the border to get popular, don't ask yourselves why. The reason why was last week at Rainbow-ites, man. No one showed up for P.E. Shame on you, Montreal.[BLEEP!]
M Yeah, hi, I'm just calling to talk about the Public Enemy show. If you weren't there, you missed the ill shit. Never again will there be a hip hop show in this city by these legends in a low-ceiling loft in NDG. Come on, Rainbow is the coolest venue ever, Public Enemy are the coolest group ever and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise can go fuck themselves. These guys represent every single colour and race known to man. If you're down and you're under the roof with them and they're all right with you, everybody's going to have a good time. It's too bad it's over because it's one of the sickest things to hit this city in a long while. [BLEEP!]
M Sure, Lucky 6.6 has a certain je ne sais quoi, but now they've got an even better Lucky. Lucky 7.5. Now that'll have you feeling like a WINNER in no time![BLEEP!]
M Hi, I'm just going through my old stuff because I'm moving and I found the old rave invitations and tickets to all of Bug and Jam's amazing events from H2O, Solstice and Lush, from '92 and '93. I think those guys were the only real ravers in Montreal. After them, it was all style and no substance. I mean, these guys actually cared. I wish they'd come back, I'd support them. [BLEEP!]
M This is for that woman who wished there was a designated spot where she could let loose with a violent stream of profanities followed by a primal scream. It's called a bedroom! Come on, get with it. All you need is a considerate and attentive lover and everything is taken care of. Good luck. [BLEEP!]
F It takes 417 licks to get to the Tootsie Roll centre of a Tootsie Pop. Thank you. [BLEEP!]
M Hey Montrealers, stop complaining about everything. There are a lot of good things happening in this city. My favourite night is Thursday night and I spend those nights at Foufounes Electriques. There's a reason for that--those two dancers they hired to dance on that stage. I think they're professionals--they give out CANDIES and they're so damned sexy. So stop complaining, have sex. Sexual healing. Sex therapy. Sexual candies. Swallow them all. Suck and lick. Go both ways and enjoy it all. Take the high road, take the high road. [BLEEP!]
M Yeah, I'm sitting here with my friends and we're tired of 14-year-old girls badmouthing the sexual capacity of 14-year-old guys. Just 'cuz they're used to fat, withered old penises doesn't make us any less capable. By the way, they're all crack whores. This is a message from CATW. Thank you.[BLEEP!]
M Those little girls don't know what their talking about when it comes to blowing 14-year-old boys. I haven't been 14 in a long time but I sure remember how one tastes--and it's damn fine, girls, damn fine! Yum, yum, CHICKEN. Cock-a-doodle-doo! [BLEEP!]
M Hi, Rant Line? I just read the message from the woman who was commenting on the phallic nature of ASPARAGUS and I'm having an identity crisis here, 'cuz I'm thinking about how my favourite vegetables are cucumbers, zucchini, broccoli, cauliflower, even carrots. And I just thought I'd let that woman know that she's really screwed me up. Thanks a lot. [BLEEP!]
M Am I crazy? Am I the only guy who likes to sing along and dance to the Shania Twain song Man, I Feel Like a Woman? Am I? I would like to know. Thanks. [BLEEP!]
F I went to see a movie at Ex-Centris the other night and as I was taking the usual PEE before the movie, I noticed I was actually able to see the reflection of the girls in the booths next to me in the black floor. I mean, I could see everything! It's freaky, man. It made me want to forget about the movie and pretend to POO so I could spy on them for an hour. [BLEEP!]
M Hello, this is #13. I have a message for Mole. I killed Mr. Breakfast. Ha ha ha ha ha![BLEEP!]
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