>>Highs

Vandalizing public countdown-to-2000 clocks Good idea. But, oh, will that really stop the ever-ticking hands of Father Time?

Hole looking for bassist It's official, Melissa's out. Courtney and co. now doing a worldwide search for a new Melissa. Preferably one who won't upstage Miss Love.

Ramasutra launch Was it just us, or were there, like thousands of people there? Best launch since BV3. We dug the palm trees, too.

The return of the MIMIs Or shall we say the reutrn of the night of the drunken presenter? Glad it's back!

Les Rhythmes Digitales' Jacques LuCont A Brit who pretends to be a Frenchman. Probably a first in the history of the universe. Coming to town with his car-ay-zee beats soon. Yay.

>>Lows

Cutsie Christmas everything Too early. Can't think. Make it stop. Kill Santa... aaaaaaah!

Stabbing people for PokemonThat's soooo last year. Get it together, children.

Mariah's new Care-Bears-'n'-rainbows look Somebody's gone a tad slutty after her break-up, eh? Mariah, you are, like 30, and you can't look like Britney Spears. Sad.

Banning squeegeesBut we like having our windshields washed by middle-class faux-punkettes with brown water, goddammit. Adds a bit o' spice to the ol' day.

The new, skinny Christina RicciBring back the "young Delta Burke." We don't need another anorexic Hollywooderina. A total shame.

People talking about the amaaaazing new G4Shut up. Shut up. We know. Shut up.