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This week: Colt 45, Lucky 6.6, Lucky 7.5, Heineken!
Plus: Dyke rally at Dietrich's!!
"edited" by AL SOUTH M Hi Beer Line. This is a story about BEER. Tonight I went out and I had some beer. Actually, I didn't go out, I went to work at a bar where we serve a lot of beer. Beer is good. Beer puts us in a nice, soft-pillowed room of a mindstate where we can bounce as hard as we want and never feel a thing because of beer. Long live beer and long live the Beer Line! [BLEEP!]
M I agree with the 35-year-old guy that Lucky 6.6 is a good beer, but he obviously has never spent a night alone in his living room, listening to Oldies 990 and chugging back on a couple of Colt 45s. Colt 45 malt liquor fucking rules! For three bucks, you can get totally zonked on 8.0 beer. Nothing beats that. Nothing! [BLEEP!]
M Sure, Lucky 6.6 has a certain je ne sais quoi, but now they've got an even better Lucky. Lucky 7.5. Now that'll have you feeling like a WINNER in no time![BLEEP!]
M Yeah, hi, I just want to say that I agree that Lucky 6.6 is a fantastic beer. However, it goes flat very quickly, so I would definitely recommend Heineken above all commercial beers. Thank you. [BLEEP!]
M It's about time someone started a Beer Line. Bravo, bravo! I salute you and your courage. [BLEEP!]
M You guys are stupid, dumb fucks, you know that? A Beer Line--what the fuck? You've lost a customer. [BLEEP!]
M Yo Rant Line, I'm rantin'. It's Saturday night, I'm DRUNK as a fucking skunk. Check it out. Here are my regrets for the millennium. I regret not going to see Cibo Matto, I regret not going to see Chemical Brothers, I regret not going to see Metalheadz. Anyway, the things I do remember going to see was The Roots and GangStarr. These are two things I'm proud of. Anyway, it's Saturday night and I'm almost passed out, my girlfriend's all pissed off at me, whatever, whatnot. Anyway, it's all good. And the Beer Line rocks, man. Y'all take it easy.[BLEEP!]
F Hello, I'd like to rant about all those homey rappers who walk like they got fucking shot in the leg or they had their balls cut off. Please stop, it is so annoying. You're not turning us on by limping. It looks like you can't fuck![BLEEP!]
M This is a message for #13 and Mr. Breakfast. Please report to Mole at Central Command as soon as possible. Thank you. [BLEEP!]
F Oh my God, I need help. There's this stupid, inane, dance music made by a group named Infinity--this French, brainless pop music and the video is on MusiquePlus all the time and it is so awful but everytime it comes on I can't not watch it. It comes on and my eyes are glued to it (laughing hysterically). I hate myself for what I do but I can't help it. And now I'm starting to like that new Jennifer Lopez song and it just sickens me (laughing even harder, possibly crying). What am I going to do? [BLEEP!]
F Hi, I'm sitting here with my three girlfriends and we're talking about how little immature 14-year-old boys suck. Everyone should go for older guys because little boys do not deserve blowjobs because they dump you over the Internet. (voice in the background) They can't handle blowjobs! (original voice) Go for older guys, because the kids can't handle sexual contact! [BLEEP!]
F Hi, I'm calling in response to that SHY DYKE who called in a couple of weeks ago--and to all the other dykes who called in response to her. Girls, I just want to say, I hear ya. The state of dykedom in Montreal is really pathetic right now. I propose that we all meet at Dietrich's on St-Denis, this Friday at 7 p.m. One last thing, after I read that shy dyke's rant about how all she could think about was getting some pussy, I was so turned on that I went home and I MASTURBATED five times in a row. Whew, baby![BLEEP!]
F Hi, I just finished eating a whole raw ASPARAGUS. Have you ever considered how phallic they are? Man, I'm so wet, sticking it in and out of my mouth.[BLEEP!]
F I was reading this story about women dying because LIGHTNING is attracted to their underwear and bras. Ladies, get rid of the bras! It's time to start the revolution![BLEEP!]
F Hi, this is for the chick who needs a designated spot where she can SCREAM her fucking head off. The park between Clark and Sewell seems to be the spot where people freak out.[BLEEP!]
M To the gentleman who was distraught at the thought of the Biodome PENGUINS not being able to fly, this is to quell your fears. Chickens, ostriches, and all 17 species of penguins cannot fly. Penguins can swim, that is what their wings are for. They are more fins than anything else. So calm down, have a good day. [BLEEP!]
Next week: Should the Beer Line(TM) accept advertising and/or corporate sponsorship? |