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This week: Concrete Cream, DJ apostrophes, the strippers of St-Jerome!
Plus: Guru drink makes girl go ga-ga!!
"edited" by AL SOUTH F I'm phoning about the Cream Festival. It was just a bunch of naked horny homo yuckies--naked!--and strippers--half naked, three quarters naked!--prancing around blowing whistles and going crazy with their glow sticks. There was no vibe at all, the music bounced off the CONCRETE like shit. There were two areas, the hip hop place and the main stage, and they weren't even separated by rooms--they just had one speaker facing one way and another speaker facing the other way. It was CHAOS. Better to go out and buy some CDs than listen to that crap. [BLEEP!]
M I just want to say fuck you to the loser who flipped off alternative. It's brainless idiots like you who think Gap and Tommy Hilfiger are the shit. Alt music is a LIFEBLOOD of people with style and originality. Go fill your rectum with some Daft Punk, you pathetic bloke. I'm going to enjoy a re-emergence of alt rock brought to life by bands like Nine Inch Nails and L7 who have always stayed true to the late '90s. [BLEEP!]
M To the guy who thinks smoking and Tommy Hilfiger are stupid, I'd like to thank you for putting in the best rant I've heard all year. It's nice to see someone in this city who can actually think for themselves. Keep up the good work, man! [BLEEP!]
F Hi, I just want to rant about that new drink GURU. I really love it. It's good. I just feel really tired now, as if I spent the whole night raving and now I'm crashing. And that's how good it is. Really, it makes you feel like you're on SPEED or something. I don't know, like, it's really good. Like, you're alert and energetic and I'm so happy and I love it and I'm so glad that I read about it in the Mirror. I think that everyone should know about it, because it's really something special. I wish I could tell everyone. And everyone I keep meeting now, I tell them about it. Guru, it's good. Guru, thank you. I'm just tired now, but that's not because... I don't know why I'm tired, okay? Because I'm, like, doing the suit thing, like, whatever. Okay, okay, okay. I don't want to bore you with the details of conforming to, you know, conforming to real-life living and convention and the work force, the 9 to 5, everyone's downtown, everyone's in their suits, the money makers and all that. I want to go to Cream but I'm tired. HELP ME, SOMEONE. Oh well, by that time it will be too late. So, okay, blah. I wish they'd invent a new kind of birth control, it's really annoying and, like, I don't know, okay, whatever and OW MY HEAD HURTS! And every time I read the Rant Line, there's something about someone moshing or whatever. I mean, how stupid can they be? OH MY STOMACH HURTS. My heart hurts me and my stomach hurts me. Oh, my head, ow!! What else? What else did I want to say? I wanted to say that I had a cigarette on the steps of a church, does that mean I'm bad? Is it satanic? Also, by accident, I said to my boyfriend, "You're so cute" or something like that. Actually, I said,"You're one of the cutest boyfriends I have." But I only have one boyfriend! Can anybody interpret that and tell me what it means? [BLEEP!]
M What's so good about Montreal's nightlife? The bars close at three o'clock, I mean, that's pretty early, eh? Fucking sad. [BLEEP!]
M I just watched the MTV Video Awards. Now I think I'm going to go kill myself. [BLEEP!]
M I just watched the MTV Video Awards. The only redeeming thing in it was that black chick's BOOBY. [BLEEP!]
M This here is about the stupid misuse of the English language. Now we all know the store XTC on Prince-Arthur is having a clearance sale. But did you know that they use apostrophe 's' in DJs?! That makes no sense, because it's not the right proper use of English. Bye. [BLEEP!]
M Yeah, this is for the fire that burnt at the corner of Rachel and Mentana. I mean, what's the big deal? There's a fire station about 100 metres away. Couldn't they stop the fire, at least, man? I can't believe the whole place burned down. I mean, come on. [BLEEP!]
M All right, this is for the guy who hates the way GREEKS drive. Too bad you didn't get run over while you were over there. Who are you to judge the way people drive in a whole different country? You should know that the roads are different in Greece and driving habits are suitable for them. So don't call us animals, Mr. Race Car Driver. [BLEEP!]
M To the guy who respects strippers, you got ripped off. For $30, you can get a blowjob from a stripper in ST-JEROME. Strippers don't want your RESPECT--they want your money! You know, it's the way they make a living--so just respect that. Respect the fact that they make a living doing something that other people don't appreciate. [BLEEP!]
Next week: Open forum |