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This week: Tam Tam travesty, kiddie sodas, party girls dripping dry!
Plus: Setting the record straight on PVC!!
"edited" by AL SOUTH M I'm calling to bitch about this idiot from B.C. who only got here last January and wants to start this Tam Tam 2000 thing and try and beat some kind of world record. That is not the Tams, nor will it ever be the Tams! The Tams is people on the mountain drumming and even more people on the mountain TOKING. That's it! You can't charge a price and the Tam Tam certainly couldn't work anywhere else. So all I can say is get the fuck out of Montreal buddy, 'coz you sure as hell don't belong here! [BLEEP!]
F Hi, this is DJ Amyl Nitrate from PVC at the Cybertech club. I'm calling in response to Carl, who wants to hear Brit-pop at a club without the so-called CRAPPY ELECTRO. Listen, the reason why we combine Brit-pop with '80s new wave is because lots of people in Montreal are into both genres. A Brit-night will not survive in this town without a broad musical palette, so we also play a bit of glam, techno, old punk and yes, even MOD. By the way, the name PVC doesn't refer to any lame-assed fetish dress code. It's what records are made of--even Who records. [BLEEP!]
M This is a message for Carl from NYC who's been looking for a good place to hear ska. Come on down to Bar St-Laurent Wednesday nights, baby! Do the ska!! [BLEEP!]
M This rant goes out to Carl, the pretentious Brit-pop kid. Hey, we are in 1999, soon in 2000. The Beatle is long, long gone--since about 30 years! Forget about the '60s. Arrival happened last week. Techno reigns supreme. Now, repeat after me: we are in 1999, we are in 1999! It's over, your folk music. [BLEEP!]
F Hi, I want to talk about The Arrival party, which was amazing. But I have a couple of complaints. For starters, the water was $3.50. Also, the portapotties were plentiful but somebody forgot to keep replenishing them with TOILET PAPER--can you imagine all those pretty party girls having to drip dry? And who the fuck goes to an all-night party in the middle of the country wearing five-inch heels and a non-existent mini-dress? There were so many trashy, stripper, fuck-me girls there who couldn't even walk across the grass--let alone dance. These girls were freezing because of their lack of clothes. I really wish parties could be about people in COMFY clothes dancing all night and just enjoying each other's company. [BLEEP!]
M Hey, why don't all of you young people out there who want to get DRUNK try learning to like the taste of alcohol so that beer companies will stop loading the shelves with revolting kiddie sodas like Boomerang and Bungee. I'm just afraid that good beer will totally disappear once the market is dominated by little plebes with uneducated palates and unlimited disposable income. [BLEEP!]
M This is for the ranter who complained about the raunchy bathrooms at the McDonald's on the corner of Parc and Mont-Royal. Roger Argent is right, the black lighting makes it difficult for JUNKIES to shoot up in the bathrooms. The same thing happened at the McDonald's on Côte-St-Luc and Walkley a couple of years back. But unable to thwart the thriving junkie population of Montreal--which is vying with Vancouver as the number one shooting gallery in the country--that McDonald's eventually closed down. I can only imagine how many other McDonald's provide shelter for our city's junkies. Although there might have been some good reasons for keeping the fast food giant off the corner of Parc and Mont-Royal, I think that we've learned something here. Without McDonald's, where would all our junkies go? [BLEEP!]
F This is for the people who played outside the Emanuel Christian school on St. John's road. Sorry I got so mad at you, it wasn't anything personal. Your music is fine and you seem nice. But I have small children and I have to go to work at 5 a.m. and two nights in a row of being kept up by your music turned me into MEDUSA. Anyhow, maybe Pierrefonds isn't the best venue for you. All right, so you serenaded me with "The Wall" and that's okay--I was at the first ever performance of Pink Floyd in Montreal--but now I'm old and cranky. [BLEEP!]
F Listen, I know how that chick who wants to do some pussy grinding feels. It seems like the whole city is full of lonely people who, given the chance, will cling to you like GLUE when all you want is some really dirty bad-assed wet sex. I'm not a sex freak but I have no time for stringy relationships. I just need a good rub sometimes, but it's too hard to pick up a chick. Anybody out there, I need some advice: I'm a female in need of some lesbian action and I don't have a clue on how to pick up a chick. I'm frustrated, PLEASE help! [BLEEP!]
M What kind of parent names their child Rupert? That's just mean. [BLEEP!]
Next week: Open forum
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