My Blair bitch project by MATTHEW HAYS I was quite relieved when a reader phoned me up last week to set the record straight about the indie horror phenom The Blair Witch Project. "In your review," he told me in all seriousness, "you made a mistake. You said those were actors in the film. They aren't. That's real footage and they disappeared!" I explained that I had seen and read interviews with the three cast members since the film was released, pretty clear evidence that they didn't disappear in real life, too. No, Mr. Caller insisted: The Blair Witch Project is a true story. So I asked him: how do you know it's for real? "I just got off their Web site. They tell the entire story there!" Such is just one anecdotal example of the massive hype spreading through the international media about The Blair Witch Project, undoubtedly the cinematic success story of the year. After scare-inducing screenings at Sundance, the ultra-low-budget film, involving the plight of three film students lost in the woods as they investigate a legendary witch (an entirely fictional legend), was bought by a major distributor. With a faux Web site pumping up the film's central myth, Blair Witch hasn't looked back, listed as no. 2 on the box office charts last week. But thankfully, there's a growing chorus of dissent surrounding Blair, cracking the apparent critical consensus (and saving my credentials as a film critic and horror buff). Nay, I did not like this movie. The faux-doc stuff has been done to absolute death--and what up with those allegedly scary moments? I'm sorry, but getting up in the morning and finding some rocks in a pile or some sticks wrapped together outside my tent would simply not be enough to ruin my day--hungover or not. At this point in the film, I kept imagining the voice of SCTV's Count Floyd: "Oooh, look! It's some rocks and twigs! And a tent! Scary, eh kids?!" Not only can this film be read as a cautionary tale about camping, it also appears to be trying to expose the terror of bad landscape architecture. Blair detractors have also argued the film makes them nauseous, due to all that hand-held camera work, the kind used forever by filmmakers as a stylish tactic to make audiences feel like they're watching "the real thing." Merchandising tip to Blair people: why not market an official "Blair Witch Barf Bag," especially for those who can't stand watching all that free-flowing camera on the big screen? Finally, some mistaken hype of a different kind: Alliance Vivafilm, the Canadian distributor of Blair, issued a press release which reprinted a Variety story detailing the film's box-office success. According to this fax, Blair Witch is expected to earn over one billion dollars. Gawd, that really is successful! A rather sheepish publicist told me later that the figure occurred due to an unfortunate typo, leading to an extra zero. Still, at $100 million gross projected, Blair isn't doing badly for an overrated film that's essentially about three people losing it with one another while out in the woods. COMMENTS: matt_hays@babylon.montreal.qc.ca