Networthy






>>> Aug. 05, 1999
Seal clubbing
You may remember Club A Seal, which Newgrounds brought you in '96. Not one to sit on its laurels, the site (www.newgrounds.com) has expanded. Hence, Club A Seal 2, where you can play tennis using a baby seal, using Orca whales as tennis rackets. Or Bop A Seal, reminiscent of Whack A Mole.

The site also features Cat Dynamics, a site devoted to building a better, stronger cat after Fluffy's been involved in an accident. And there's Beep Me Jesus, which works like a Magic 8 ball, only better, 'cuz it's Jesus answering your questions.

While at Newgrounds, you may want to drop by the original Celebrity Assassin and kill some of your favourite pop icons. Unfortunately, you won't be able to see Teletubby Fun Land, which just got removed this week due to a threat by the BBC. I guess they didn't see the humour in Tinky Winky et al pimpin', whorin' and drinkin'.

Use me: Mitchell Amihod

>>> July 29, 1999
Kubrick, Keitel, Kidman and cum
I don't know if this story is true, but it's a funny-enough anecdote that the word should be spread, to let people decide for themselves. Did you know Harvey Keitel was originally cast in Eyes Wide Shut? Find out why he ends up on the cutting room floor. You could say he pulled a bad lieutenant. Go to www.fucker.com/index_hair.html

What's green and red: Finally, the classic "frog in a blender" joke has made it to the Net, animated for the inner child in you. A 10-speed blender, in which floats a frog. You can slowly build up speed, watch as the frog spins round and round. Or, if you're in the mood for insta-gore™, you can just hit the 10 button to send the cute little froggy to amphibian heaven. (http://www.joecartoon.com/reddot/blender.html)

Screw me: Mitchell Amihod

>>> July 22, 1999
Shaken, not stirred
This one comes from an informant in the Networthy™ Global Spy Network. Imagine: you're hosting a posh cocktail party, the guests are on their way, and Jimmy your bartender just got hit by a bus. Too late to send everyone home. What to do? Why, throw your laptop behind the bar and let the Webtender (www.webtender.com) whisper sweet drink recipes in your ear.

With over 4,500 drinks in the database, you won't be caught with your blender down as the Ambassador asks for a Wet Pussy.

Capital L of the week: Yes, yes, I know, there's plenty of crap on the Net. But once in a while, a certain crop of crap is worthy of distinction, or just pointing at and laughing. So point your browser to http://www.execpc.com/~mephisto/.

Thrill me: Mitchell Amihod

>>> July 15, 1999
Dear diary
The thing about keeping a diary isn't that you don't want people to read it, but that you don't want people you know to read it. Well, that problem is solved thanks to the Open Diary (www.opendiary.com). Now you can keep an anonymous diary that no amount of searching through your room will uncover, while thousands of strangers can paw through it and give some feedback as well. While lots of it is uninteresting crap, some of the diaries are actually engaging.

Battle of the bulge: Probably long overdue, the Hacker's Diet has arrived: how to lose weight and hair through stress and poor nutrition (www.fourmilab.ch/hackdiet/). Despite its tongue-in-cheek name, it's a serious project by a geek, teaching geeks to "hack" their bodies. Just do it.

Bite me: Mitchell Amihod

>>> July 08, 1999
Hitchhiking in cyberspace
You know the answer is 42, and mice were the smart ones after all. But did you know about the Web site?

Welcome to the Earth Edition of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (www.h2g2.com). The universe's greatest guide finally comes to our (mostly) harmless mudball.

The idea naturally follows the guide described in the books, relying on "researcher" entries. Anyone can register and become a researcher. The guide has editors who wade through the submissions, picking what makes the cut and what doesn't.

While visiting the site, you must check out the field reports from Archduke Leopold the Terrible (III).

A fun idea--and if the site ever hits a critical mass of participants, it may actually become useful guide.

Flame me: Mitchell Amihod

>>> July 01, 1999
Arf, arf
Sure, religion can be a bit of a nuisance. Gotta get up early on the weekend, drag your sorry ass to church and all that. Well, lazy layfolk can rejoice. Don't waste your time with all that "tired" brick and mortar structure thing; instead, go visit the Virtual Church of the Blind Chihuahua™ (www.dogchurch.org).

Claiming "the courage to be ridiculous before god," the site lives up to its billing. Broken into sections of the narthex, nave, Sunday school, restroom and catacombs, there's some silly stuff all around.

As well, there's the usual panoply of topics: entertainment, style, lives, work, mayhem and wit. Nice added touch: an area for reader feedback under whatever you're currently reading.

Flame me: Mitchell Amihod

>>> June 24, 1999
Light summer reading
Bored? Drop by Tag magazine (www.tagmag.com) and wile away some time.

>Inside, you'll find a good number of sections. Begin with the regular feature, usually a good read. And unlike all those other mags that kow-tow to the stars they love, Tag features the Celebs We Hate. You can play around with the amazing Sex Machine, if that tickles your fancy.

As well, there's the usual panoply of topics: entertainment, style, lives, work, mayhem and wit. Nice added touch: an area for reader feedback under whatever you're currently reading.

Ear to the ground: Everybody loves gossip, though not everybody will admit it. And nothing's better than gossip about the purveyors of gossip. So check out mediagossip (www.mediagossip.com), a daily weblog of gleanings from going-ons around the media biz.

Flame me: Mitchell Amihod

>>> June 17, 1999
A piece of the action
So, you think you've got your finger on the pulse of pop culture? Think you know which flick's gonna be hot and which is not? Well, put up or shut up at the Hollywood Stock Exchange (www.hsx.com).

It's an entertainment stock market game; you trade with Hollywood Dollars. You've got your MovieStocks, which include films in all stages of production (from concept to release). There are StarBonds, through which you can finally own a piece of your favourite star. You can buy Options and gamble on the opening weekend winners and losers, or buy into a managed or indexed fund.

20-minute fun-o-the-week: Check out Blind Wino (www.blindwino.com), starring Drunk Driver and Ask Satan.

Flame me: Mitchell Amihod

>>> June 10, 1999
Tastes like chicken
What do you get when you take a database program, fill it with a bunch of entries on every topic you can think of, and mix in tons of cross-indexing? You get a little bit of Everything (http://everything.blockstackers.com).

Everything is a communally maintained web database, where users participate in rating the information they find. The dbase is constructed from nodes, each featuring its own topic (the list of topics is too vast to describe, and it grows daily). On each node, there are a number of branching links to other related nodes. The more people who follow specific node-to-node pathways, the stronger the links become, and the higher their rating on the link list.

It's the kind of thing you have to see for yourself. It's a good concept, it's fun to browse through and you never know what you're gonna find.

Flame me: -Mitchell Amihod

>>> June 3, 1999
What now, Furby™?
Okay, so the Furby™ you got for Christmas has been sitting idly on the shelf, sleeping for the last two months. The cuteness has all but worn off. Well, you can breathe some new life into your electric gremlin with a good ol' fashioned autopsy.

Not too sure where to begin? Then visit The Furby™ Autopsy page (http://www.phobe.com/furby/) and all will be revealed. There you'll learn how to gut and skin your Furby™, with the end result being a much better, demonic cyborg-esque Furby™.

File under S for Strange: Been sitting on this for a while. It's just bizarre. Let me know if you figure it out. Sam Sloan's homepage: http://www.ishipress.com/index.htm

Flame me: -Mitchell Amihod

>>> May 27, 1999
Visit the Salon lately?
Sporting a brand-spanking new look, Salon Magazine (www.salon.com) is one site that's always a pleasure to read.

Content is updated daily, with plenty of quality features and columns covering a wide spectrum of topics. Sections include news, technology, arts & entertainment, books, media, people and comics.

Columnists you may recognize include Garrison Keillor, Camille Paglia and Susie Bright, among others. Definitely worth a visit every day or so. I guarantee you'll find something to pique your interest.

Good cop, bad cop: If you've been online for a while, you know what a problem spam can become. Well, here comes SpamCop (spamcop.net), sort of a neighbourhood-watch-meets-anti-spam-activism. If you get some spam, just go to the SpamCop site, plug your spam into their handy-dandy form, and they'll take care of the rest.

Flame me: -Mitchell Amihod

>>> May 20, 1999
Stars in my eyes
Sure, some of the less-informed will tell you the best place to spot stars is on St-Laurent, or possibly at Planet Hollywood. Maybe, if you're into living stars. But some of us prefer our stars like our drinks: on ice.

And thanks to the wonders of technology and a sick mind, it's now possible from the comfort of your living room. Welcome to the Celebrity Morgue (www.celebritymorgue.com), a site where you can find some of your favourite famous and infamous celebrities enjoying their eternal rest.

Inside the ice box you'll be able to take a peek at JFK, Mussolini, Rasputin, Tupac Shakur and Mother Teresa, who are in good company with Kurt Cobain, Marilyn Monroe and Dumbo (yes, the elephant). Some are more graphic than others; if you have a weak stomach, don't visit during dinner hours.

Flame me: -Mitchell Amihod

>>> May 13, 1999
One stop shopping
At Information Unlimited (www.amazing1.com) the possibilities are unlimited. Carrying a vast array of products ranging from the harmless to the downright dangerous, it makes for some good window shopping.

You can start by checking out some of their Anti-Gravity devices (personal fave: hover board). Or maybe some mind control is more to your taste--I've been considering the Telekinetic Enhancer myself, for the low price of $99.95.

If you are drawn more towards the mundane, there are devices for Dog and Rodent Control, or perhaps stun guns and tasers are more your speed.

With Father's Day rapidly approaching, this may be just the site you need to get that oh so special gift.

Flame me: -Mitchell Amihod


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