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This week: Ween fiasco at Foufs, incestuous Len, panty hose seams!
Plus: Black Bottom fondly remembered!!
"edited" by AL SOUTH M Hi, I just got back from the WEEN show at Foufounes and I've got to tell you, it was a great show until Foufounes decided to turn the lights on and ruin the set. Then they HERDED everybody who was enjoying the show out onto the street! They kicked us all out and wouldn't let us back into the club unless we gave them another eight bucks! I already paid 22 fucking bucks to see this show! Those fuckers at Foufounes cut it before Ween has finished and then they kick us all out? Come on, what's going on here? Boycott Foufounes! BOYCOTT THE FASCISTS! [BLEEP!]
F FOUFS SUCKS! [BLEEP!]
M Hey, I heard that Women With Kitchen Appliances (WWK) are having a gig at Jailhouse on August 2. You don't want to miss this. These chicks rule! [BLEEP!]
M Last week someone shit on Dou Dou Boisvert. Okay, Dou Dou made some mistakes, there's no question about that. But I fondly remember Joe Pass, McCoy Tyner and his nine piece band, Archie Shepp, and years of great memories in his club. Dou Dou also worked at The Black Bottom--does anybody remember the RIBS and black-eyed peas there? After Dou Dou burned all of his jazz bridges, he opened his doors to Glen from SHITHEAD Productions and the earth-shaking Montreal hardcore scene. Many bands from Montreal played there--as well as Black Flag, Corrosion of Conformity, Cro-Mags, Agnostic Front, the list goes on. All I can say to the person who ranted against Dou Dou is, what have you ever done? Or, what will you ever do that will be remembered by anyone--be they black, white or indifferent? [BLEEP!]
F Hey everybody, this is Chavez the Monkey Boy calling from Côte-des-Neiges and I want to know what's up with that group Len? I mean, what the fuck is going on with Sharon and DJ Burger Pimp? Like, these guys are BROTHER and SISTER but, when I see them on my TV, they act as if they like to fuck each other. I know these guys are from Montreal North--where families have sex with each other all the time--but come on, this is wack, man! Sharon should be getting fucked by me, man, not by Burger Pimp. [BLEEP!]
M This is for that young man who was asking all the women on St-Laurent for blowjobs--as if they would be doing him some kind of favour. Listen kid, I don't think you understand. There are a lot of people out here who would love to suck on your cock. I, for one, can't think of a much sweeter thing than CHOMPING down on your young sex. I know I'm not a young woman--or even a young man for that matter--but I'd be more than happy to take care of your WOOD if you'd let me. If you think you might be interested in a good-looking and wealthy 54 year-old man, let me know on the Rant Line and we'll find a way to hook up. Do you like snorting COCAINE? [BLEEP!]
M Hi, this is Tom Cruise and I just want to thank that guy from last week for OUTING me. You can't imagine the weight that's been lifted off my shoulders since you went public with my sexuality on the Rant Line. I always knew it was just a matter of time before my secret would be out. Thank you, friend, thank you for LIBERATING me. And yes, I will try to get up to Montreal for your Pride parade this month. Arrivederci, tout le monde! [BLEEP!]
F Why would anybody want to shoot Cher? I love Cher. Cher rocks! [BLEEP!]
M All I know is that if Cher were ever SHOT I would probably proceed to TAKE MY OWN LIFE shortly afterwards. There is so much darkness in the world and Cher is that rare bit of light that makes it possible for people like myself to carry on. Please don't anybody KILL Cher! [BLEEP!]
M I love Cher and I'm not even GAY. [BLEEP!]
F I have a complaint against the shoe stores here in Montreal. I've lived here all my life and I've had pretty BIG FEET for a long time now--size 9 and over. I find it incredible that us women with big feet can't find shoes here to save our lives. A big-footed girl has to spend, like, a day shoe shopping just to find something that fits! To all of you shoe stores out there, please, start stocking larger sizes. Not everyone wears a size 7! [BLEEP!]
M How come North American women dress so boringly? Being a European over here, it's a sad sight for me to see. In Europe, women love nylons or PANTY HOSE with seams. So ladies--especially the young ones--why don't you start wearing stuff like that? Maybe you will meet a very exciting European gentleman. Remember, keep the seams straight. Good luck. [BLEEP!]
Next week: Open forum. |