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This week: Bucket drumming, female cyborgs, a military spanking!
Plus: Where is 1-800-GOLFTIP?
"edited" by AL SOUTH F I'm sure glad this is an open forum because I don't think I could stand to hear another rant about this Tam Tam Tits chick. I've been away from Montreal for three years now and I can't believe that the local music scene is so lame that the Rant Line is reduced to talking about this idiot and her little boobs on the mountain. This city is turning into a MORGUE. There is nowhere to go and nothing to do whatsoever. It's like that movie Waking Ned Devine--I've never seen so many 20 year olds with so little fucking energy. All you Montrealers should take a trip to Toronto where they'll teach you a thing or two about having FUN. [BLEEP!]
F Where the hell are Rosebuddy? They're one of the best bands in this whole loser city and I never hear about them playing anywhere. Am I just out of it--a spacecase who ain't tuned in to what's going on anymore--or is something seriously fucked up here? Rosebuddy, man, Rosebuddy! [BLEEP!]
M I'm calling to leave a message for that kid who plays drums on BUCKETS. Dude, I've seen you play twice now, once at Le Swimming and the other time at Cabaret and I'd really like to know when your next show is. You obviously aren't very good at advertising. Maybe you should consider printing up a flyer or something, 'coz I'm sure there are a lot of other people like me who want to see you play again. You're awesome, man. Keep up the bucket drumming! [BLEEP!]
M What the hell is wrong with Molson's? All year long we drink their BEER and all we ask for in return are a couple of free concerts. So? Where are all the free concerts? I don't see any. [BLEEP!]
M The only thing that is going to happen in this city this summer is Punkfest 99. Yeah, that's right, PF99 baby! You can keep your fucking Edgefests and your Vans Warped Tours and all of that other fucking shit 'coz PF99 is gonna be a happenin' this week at Jailhouse.[to friend in the background] Hey, pass me some of that barbecue chicken, motherfucker. [BLEEP!]
M Hey, I just want everyone to know that the Common Sense that is coming to Montreal with the Vans Warped Tour is not the MC from Chicago, but the reggae group from California that SUED Common for the name a little while back. Later, peace. [BLEEP!]
F This is for that girl who was wondering if there were any '80s nights in the Montreal clubs. Yes, there are. Friday's at Sphinx is '80s night and it's 5 bucks to get it with $1 drinks for ladies. Bye. [BLEEP!]
F Hi, I'm a female living in Montreal and I just want to say that everybody is always going on about how great it is to live in a city with so many beautiful women. Well, for some of us it's PAINFUL. They should put up a big sign that warns women that walking up St-Lawrence Blvd. on a nice day can be a horrible blow to one's self-esteem. Where do these women come from, these CYBORGS? Where are all the men who are into women who have curves--women who aren't 5'10", 105 lbs, with blonde hair? There have to be men out there that are into women that are real. I want to know where I can find them. [BLEEP!]
F Right now I'm fantasizing about a really big, tough-looking, sexy military man--in his uniform--giving me a nice hard SPANKING. Okay, bye. [BLEEP!]
F What the hell is wrong with me? I'm infatuated with this FREAK Avi Lewis from that Newsworld show, Counterspin. The guy is ugly as hell but I find him irresistibly attractive. Every weeknight I sit in front of my television and am compelled to watch this bizarre CREATURE do his thing. My roommates are starting to worry about me. I love Avi Lewis! [BLEEP!]
M Gee, I kind of wish Jamie Orchard was the Tam Tam flasher. That woman has one hell of a RACK. In fact, she's the only reason I get up in the morning to watch Global News. [BLEEP!]
F So I catch this fucking guy on the metro trying to steal my wallet and I tell the fucker to get his fucking hands out of my purse--I caught this fucker red-fucking-handed. Anyways this asshole starts pushing me around and calling me a RACIST before he takes off. A racist!? What the hell is going on here? Race had absolutely nothing to do with it. I just caught this fucker trying to steal my fucking wallet. What the fuck do I care about race? Christ! [BLEEP!]
M I'm just wondering if anyone out there remembers 1-800-GOLFTIP? It was a line that was around a few years ago and when you called it you heard a guy counting to 10 over and over again. He would always pause between numbers 6 and 7. What was the purpose of this line? I heard a rumour that it was a rave info line at certain hours and about golf at others. Does anybody know what happened to it? I used to have fun calling it up when I was stoned. [BLEEP!]
Next week: Open forum |