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Lister lister >> Mr. Mister and other dubious listmakers from the '80s
by JULIET WATERS
This prediction is based on two books I received in the last six months: The Book of Eleven, which is one woman's random thoughts on a variety of subjects, and now Postcards from the '80s, which contains 80 lists of stuff from the '80s. I'm aware that it may be premature to base the entire collapse of a system of communication based on two seemingly harmless little books, let alone a trend, but it makes such perfect sense. The list is the ultimate form of expression in our consumer-driven society. All that crap in between--people, stuff and things--that's just thinking, who needs it? So it's no surprise that the first list in Postcards would be ads from the '80s. Some memorable: "Where's the Beef?, the California raisin growers' "I Heard It Through the Grapevine" and O.J. Simpson's Hertz commercials. Some still around, though not particularly memorable: Advil's "Advanced Medicine for Pain" and "Extra Lasts Extra Long." Some that must have some personal meaning to the authors, Stephanie Bennett and Amy Hall, because I can't figure out why else they would be included: Medic Alert's "I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up" and Max Factor's "The Essence of Romance." And finally, some which, from what I remember, are more '70s than '80s: "Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific" shampoo and Coke's "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing." There are also lists from music, film, fashion, news events, Grammys, Emmys, Oscars, etc. and this book is a fun enough diversion on an attention-challenged sunny day. It could be an extremely helpful book. I know of one journalist who claims he can't remember the '80s. I wasn't sure why anyone would want to, but when I looked over the list of events I remembered that some things actually did happen. The Berlin Wall came down, MTV was born and Post-It notes were invented. Still, I get a feeling of anxious nausea when I see the words Mr. Mister, Tears for Fear, Kevin Bacon, or get even the fleetingest vision of acid-wash jeans. And I'm thankful that the authors seem to be unaware of things like balloon pants, plastic pockets, Mickey Mouse nostalgia--and hereby apologize for reminding people of them. According to the forward, this book started with an innocent question posed to a group of friends over drinks: what was the best movie soundtrack of the '80s? And part of the charm of this book is that it maintains that composed-over-a-bunch-of-drinks feeling. On the other hand, part of the irritation is reading other people's composed-over-drinks lists, which you probably composed over your own drinks several years ago, all the while never thinking of making a book out of them. However, the main irritation of this book is that the criterion for what gets on an 80s list is a little broad, i.e. anything "that can be associated in any way with the '80s." The authors were, according to biographical information, about 10 in 1980 and compose lists as though that's when the world started. Here's a representative, but by no means complete, list of patently obvious things that are not really from the '80s: Charlie's Angels, Meredith Baxter Birney, Monopoly, the Sex Pistols, Styx, the Rolling Stones, lines like "Jane, you ignorant slut" (especially erroneous since they don't forget to exclude Dan Aykroyd and Jane Curtin from the '80s list of SNL players), Easy Bake Toys, The Jetsons and Fruit Loops. If these things can be included as part of the '80s, then why not the colour green, telephone polls and ants--weren't they around in '80s? It's not like these kids had a lot of editing to do.
Postcards from the '80s, edited by Stephanie Bennett and Amy Hall, Andrews McMeel Publishing, pb, 275pp, $16.50
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Back in the '80s, I used to worry that books might disappear. But recently I've begun to suspect the opposite. I think that in the future--right after their 15 minutes of fame--everyone will publish a book. What might disappear instead will be paragraphs and sentences. People will just come out with books of lists (and in the really worst case scenario they will perform these lists as spoken word poetry).