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This week: Welfare dicks, Taiwanese
Plus: Crazy Assed Delinquents vs
"edited" by AL SOUTH F Hi, my name is Sam and I'm calling in response to that guy who was saying that Oldies 990 was where the music is at. Well, I'm 19 years old and I love oldies! I am not ASHAMED. Oldies 990 is the ultimate station and I ADORE their choice of songs. My friends think I'm crazy but I don't care, Oldies 990 is the best! Awesome shit!! I paid over $200 to get the Time/Life oldies set and I live off the shit. [BLEEP!] F Oldies 990 is all cool, all of the time! Let the people know! [BLEEP!] M I'm pleasantly surprised and pleased to inform you that CHOM is at this very minute playing some Planet Smashers. I'd call this a good thing. [BLEEP!] M Yo, to all the hip hop people, I got a rant. I'm calling on behalf of the LaSalle CAD--Crazy Assed Delinquents--soon to have an EP. Under no circumstances do we want to be related or linked with the Verdun CAD, who beat up grade school kids, pick on old people and tagged "Nigger" and "Whitey" next to two water fountains. Please understand the LaSalle CAD is not a GANG. We're a group--a way of life--and there is no way that we're racists. And to the Verdun CAD--life is reality, reality is colourful. Ciao. [BLEEP!] M I'd like to know what's up with this new thing with all these white people wearing this FUBU clothing. Do they even know what FUBU means? It means "For us by us". I don't think LL Cool J meant white people when he founded this company, so why don't white people just dress like white people? Thanks. [BLEEP!] M This is to that girl from Boston who ranted that there didn't SEEM to be a local music scene here in Montreal. Well, sure, there doesn't SEEM to be a local music scene here because the local music papers like the Mirror are too busy writing about all this TECHNO stuff that they seem to think is going to replace music one day. I'm glad to hear that in Boston they aren't quite as PLASTIC as in Montreal. There are all kinds of bands here and places to see them in, but you don't read about them anywhere because the local papers don't care. [BLEEP!] M Is it just me or does anybody else have a bad Vox sound on their Peavey amplifiers? Mine is awful and always has been. Can anyone out there give me some insight? [BLEEP!] F This is for all you perverts out there. I have been a massage therapist for two years and I'm so tired of men calling me and going, "Excuse me, what do you look like? Do you have big boobs? Do you wear lingerie?" This is a HOLISTIC art. It is massage--for relaxation only--not to jerk you off or give you sexual pleasure. I am so tired of getting a million phone calls a day asking me if I offer "options." Please print this for me and all the other REAL massage therapists in this city. [BLEEP!] M Yeah, this is my first time calling the Rant Line. You see, I can't seem to get a decent massage anywhere in this town. If anybody knows where I can get one by one of those TAIWANESE or Chinese girls then just send it on back to the Rant Line. Thank you. [BLEEP!] M To the guy thinking of quitting his job at the mall and going on WELFARE. Stay at the food court!! I'm sure it sucks but, believe me, you don't want to go on welfare. You think your boss treats you like shit? You ain't seen nothing until you start arguing with your social worker because they've misplaced your cheque for the third month in a row and you are actually starving. You don't even have to raise your voice before they've got the private welfare DICKS on your back--escorting you out of the building--and you still don't have your cheque or any food. You are nothing but a piece of shit when you're on welfare. The social workers smile at you sometimes but in their hearts they see you as a big fucking loser. When you finally get your money, it's hardly enough to pay for rent at even the shittiest of apartments--forget about going out DRINKING or anything like that. I wish I could tell you differently but there is nothing good at all about being on welfare. Don't do it! You'll be sorry. [BLEEP!] M Why can't I find any decent acid in Montreal? All I want is some plain LSD 25. I am right now fried on mescaline and it is not presently feeling like a very good trip, so if anybody can tell me where I can get some decent acid, please leave a rant and help me. [BLEEP!] M Did something happen to the Cinéma du Parc? I've been waiting in line to see Happiness since last Tuesday. I'm starting to lose my patience. [BLEEP!] Next week: Open forum.
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