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This week: Baretta's funky pigeon, Todd Bridges, Akira, Ozomatli. Plus: West Island mall worker seeks big welfare money!!
"edited" by AL SOUTH F (loosely translated from the original French) To that girl from Boston who was complaining about there being no live music scene here in Montreal. The problem is that you were probably on the WEST side of Montreal and all the local bands play on the EAST side of town. There are lots of cool bands playing in clubs around St-Denis, Ontario, St-Laurent and Ste-Catherine East. On Thursday there were three excellent shows that you could have gone to see--at Café Chaos, Jailhouse and the Cabaret. Go East to see REAL bands. If you stay West all you're going to see are cover bands. [BLEEP!] M What's happened to all the blues fans in Montreal, dudes? We just had a blues show for the Montreal General Children's hospital, we did more advertising than almost any show in Montreal and we still got a shitty turnout. You people have got to get out and come see some blues. Look out for the name AKIRA--it will be coming soon. [BLEEP!] M Yeah, it's true, the Dysfunctions were one of Montreal's better bands for quite some time. Actually, it was the guitarist who looked like comedian Steven Wright. The singer looked more like Mickey Rourke or De Niro or maybe a bit like TODD BRIDGES. [BLEEP!] F This is for all the fuckers at the Offspring show, which I proudly did not attend. What's up with harassing OZOMATLI? I don't want to hear you 15-year-old dickless boys telling me that they do not belong at an Offspring concert because they're not punk. Offspring is POP, kids! For all of you who aren't old enough to remember, let me inform you that Offspring LEFT Epitaph--and who leaves Epitaph?! [BLEEP!] M Listen, all you people who have so much against CHOM--nobody is forcing you to tune in to them. Why don't you just listen to the alternative or community radio stations and stop bitching? Here is some information--you can call CISM at 343-7711, CINQ FM at 495-2597, CIBL at 526-2581 or CKUT at 398-6787 and they'll send you program listings for all of their shows. It doesn't matter if it's hip hop, techno, world beat, jazz, classical music, anything. All these stations have specialized programming, so just listen to them. Enough about CHOM, already! [BLEEP!] M You people are all a bunch of dicklickers. Why don't you come down to OLDIES 990 and hear where the real music's at? [BLEEP!] F Let me explain something about BRIT POP. For some reason, Brit pop is defined differently in North America than in Europe. In the context of REVOLUTION music, it means bands like Suede, Pulp and Lush. The reason it tends to get mixed in with industrial, electronica and '80s stuff in Montreal is because all of the people who like that kind of music also like Brit pop. But when they have Brit pop nights in cities like Toronto, it's all these SPORTY little teenaged kids. Here it is an older crowd, because the scene in Montreal isn't big enough to support real Brit pop nights. Anyway, Brit pop has never had anything to do with COFFEE SHOPS, so I don't know what the hell that guy was on about last week. [BLEEP!] F Cool cops?! You've got to be kidding. Girl, there ain't been no such thing as a cool cop since Baretta and his FUNKY PIGEON. Not even Kojak. [BLEEP!] F Hi, all I want to rant about is my ex-boss. I hate her fucking guts and she's a bitch who owns (names some store, somewhere). She thinks that she's so cool and she thinks that she's so smart and she thinks that she's so beautiful but she's really just so fat and ugly--and she's got wrinkles and she's only 29 years old.! Anyway, she fired me for no reason. She made up some dumb things but she really just fired me 'coz she didn't like my skinny friend Karen with her big TITS. And she always used to lie, she's really fucking ugly and she's got that typically French ski-jump nose and she married this Greek sex god--fuck, he is so gorgeous--and she is disgusting and I just hate her. [BLEEP!] M Hi, I'm thinking of quitting my totally shitty job working in the FOOD COURT of Fairview Mall and I was just wondering if anyone could give me the straight dope on how much money I can actually get if I go on WELFARE. I've called the welfare people a couple of times about this, but nobody wants to give me any information over the phone. Also, it takes forever before you actually get through and, believe it or not, I'm a busy man and don't have time to wait all day while these guys dick me around. Anyway, I hate my fucking job and I'm sick of working and I've heard that you can actually make a pretty decent living on welfare. I figured that the sort of people who read the Rant Line would probably have a pretty good knowledge of how to get a decent welfare cheque. So if anybody knows the inside scoop on getting BIG WELFARE MONEY please let me know. Ciao, man. [[BLEEP!] Next week: Open forum
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