This week: Hoodlum writers, cat-calling jerks, Phish, Socrates.

Plus: Absinthe wanted!

"edited" by AL SOUTH

sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

F I don't know how we can live so close to Vermont and still have no Deadheads and practically no Phish fans. There is something BIG going on and Montreal is not even a part of it. CHOM wouldn't even play any Dead the day Jerry died. Instead, they laughed!! [BLEEP!]

F Hi, this rant goes out to the person who obviously has no understanding of graphing and/or writing. I don't claim to be an expert, but I love seeing tags in the metro, in washrooms, on buildings or anywhere else. If you're calling writers DELINQUENTS, well, you're right because most graphing or writing is primarily illegal. But that is the point! It's rebelling against the whole idea that art has a specific place where it can and cannot be exhibited. Writing and graphing are art forms that become part of life and existence. I don't know where you come from, but maybe you should consider staying in that place so you don't have to abuse your precious eyes with the expressions of a bunch of HOODLUMS. Personally, I don't want to live in some whack police state. [BLEEP!]

M This person who was complaining about graffiti should obviously come check out to this exhibit, Profane, on March 5 at the Macdonald/Harrington architecture building on the McGill campus. It's a photo-documentary on graffiti and I think that if this individual were to go with an objective manner, she would discover she has a lot to learn. [BLEEP!]

M This is for that uninformed female ranting about the tags that she sees all over the city. First of all, I think it's stupid that she's not complaining about all of the corporate billboards and advertisements that litter the urban landscape. We can't even leave our home without having some company urging us to spend our hard-earned bucks on some of their bullshit materialistic garbage products. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, one thing I know about tagging is that it pisses off single-minded little PISS-ANTS like you. I suppose that's as good a reason as any to keep doing it. [BLEEP!]

M This is in response to the rant from the drum & bass lover who is dissing rock 'n' roll and heavy metal music. Listen, music is for the PEOPLE and we will listen to what we want, when we want. Don't put people down just because they're not like you. Now I'm gonna have to go to Sona on Thursdays and find you and STOMP on your head, you useless piece of shit. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M This is for that DWEEZIL bitch who complained about heavy metal being shit music. Drum & bass has never been real music and will never be real music and everyone who thinks that this kind of shit is phat can go fuck themselves. Beware, HELL is near. Rock and roll rules! Heavy metal rules!! For eternity. Yeah!!! [BLEEP!]

M It's almost a shame that the Greek language has to be defended by a classical chump Gino claiming that God is Greek. You vindictive little PUPPY. It's Greeks like you who condemned Socrates but don't even know what the word Greek means. When will your genitals shrivel up so you won't reproduce and inflict us with other anti-Greeks like yourself? As for the person claiming that Greek is a sexist language, the Greek word for male is ANDRAS--as in androgynous and not anthropos. Which simply signifies human. Are you a member of the McGill Second Cup Feminist League, perhaps? [BLEEP!]

F This is to that funny little Greek man who called in last week. I would just like to say that I'm one of the many women who will not be stolen by the likes of you. I mean, insanity and conceitedness are always such a turn-on for us women. Oh yes, you sound like a real winner. Also, God isn't any more Greek than he is RETARDED or Jewish or gay. You give people a good reason to be anti-Greek--not that I am. [BLEEP!]

F Yeah, little Greek man. I think you should know that women are not overly attracted to a culture that is famous for buttfucking throughout the ages. It's just not a woman thing. Need I say more? [BLEEP!]

M Hey, if God was Greek you boys wouldn't suck so much at SOCCER like you did last year at the Mondiale. [BLEEP!]

M Leave Diaper Boy alone, you BULLIES. He's right, there's something wrong with this city when a guy can't even walk down the street in his diaper without being harassed. What is this, Nazi Germany? [BLEEP!]

F As a woman in this city, I just want to say that I can relate to Diaper Boy. All those cat-calling jerks who spend their days hanging around the streets yelling obscenities at women should be forced to spend a day walking around St-Lawrence street in their diapers. Maybe then they'd know what it feels like to be a woman in this city of loud-mouthed idiots. Maybe then they'd start keeping their inanities to themselves.

F Does anybody know where I can procure some ABSINTHE in this fine port city of Montreal? [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum