Skeptical about sex addicts

I'm writing about Sasha's advice to the guy who steals money from his parents to hire escorts ["Escort epidemic," Jan. 14]. I think it was misleading to suggest to someone in his circumstances that he check out Sexaholics Anonymous (SA).

I recognize that Sasha added some skeptical disclaimers to her recommendation, but still, this guy's problem is clearly not that he craves sex to an abnormal degree. If he's having to steal money to get it, then he's probably not having sex twice a day, seven days a week--an arbitrary number but, arguably, roughly where one might begin to talk about addiction.

Someone who has never slept with anyone other than escorts may have other problems. But it's a lazy nod to an idea that happens to be "in the air" to explain his sexual habits in a way that lends credibility to the questionable theories of SA.

Pseudo-scientific labels, such as "sex addict," may give the guilt-ridden an easy peg on which to hang their anxiety. But just because people are hungry for ways in which to castigate themselves doesn't mean we should satisfy that hunger.

Other than that, I should say that the column is generally a lot of fun.

--Matias Milet

I'm writing you in an attempt to clear up a widespread misconception about 12-step programs. They are not Christian-based, as Sasha stated in her column of Jan. 14, but rather Spiritual programs.

God is mentioned in the literature in the context of a Higher Power. In the readings, the word God is almost always proceeded by the expression "of our own understanding," and the only criteria for this Higher Power is that it be loving and caring.

Personally, I had a real problem with the concept of God, but rather than turn my back on the program that promised me freedom from active addiction, I called that unseen force "the Universe." After a while I began to call it "Love."

I know a woman who, because of her upbringing, was so uncomfortable with the word God that she chose to put her faith in the little ceramic unicorns that she collected as a child. No one ever told her that wasn't acceptable. Nor do we diagnose each other; every person who walks through those doors decides for themselves if they are addicted or not. All 12-step programs are self-help programs. It would be a shame to turn someone off from getting the help they need by erroneously labelling 12-step programs as Christian-based.

Keep on keepin' on,

--Sam

Teacher's pet peeves

I really liked Teacher X's témoignage ["High school confidential," Jan. 14], but I have to disagree with his language tolerance. When your students see you tolerate bad language, don't they then try to see if you will tolerate another kind of foolishness?

Kids are not stupid, they just act to be part of whatever group they admire, which is normal at that age. Being truly natural is rarely an option, because they haven't even figured out who they really are. The bug is, they think they know themselves, so until you find that soft spot that makes them understand they're acting as someone else, you'll have trouble getting through to them.

What I've found is that the only thing kids in high school ask for is to be treated fairly, no matter the level of tolerance/intolerance. If your rules are set upfront, at the very beginning, and upheld (by yourself, this is the important part) during the whole semester, they start realizing you mean what you say, which is very important for them. Only then will you get their respect and can start really teaching them (and be a positive influence).

Read in French? I suggest Pour en finir avec l'école sacrifiée, published by Boréal.

--Marc-André Séguin

In pursuit of peace

I just finished reading Dominique Ritter's piece on Eric Abitbol and his peacemeaking pursuits in the Noisemakers '99 issue ["Publisher for peace," Jan.7]. I am touched and relieved that there are people out there who not only recognize the importance of providing interested readers with an alternative to an increasingly incredible international media (phew!), but who actually take it upon themselves to do something about it.

I commend Abitbol for directing such a valuable forum for intercultural discussion. I look forward to getting involved with Cantilevers and supporting this noble project in any way that I can.

--Bara Adly