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Potholes versus buttheads The ever-changing game of road hockey by THE WICK
Back when you were a kid, it was out in front of your house, dodging the cars of disgruntled neighbours who insisted on trying to run over your road-blocking net. In the last few years, though, the road game seems to be leaving our potholed streets and moving to the various indoor ball hockey leagues in and around the city. A strange new world of orange balls, referees, extensive stat packages and butthead players who'd rather spit in your face than lose a game. Just what the sport needed. As kids on the street, we made our own rules. All laws were unwritten but strictly adhered to, for fear of the dreaded penalty shot. When a car went by, you shot the tennis ball underneath hoping to see it run over by one of the wheels--a major thrill for all involved. Orange ball organization In today's organized ball hockey leagues, all laws are written clearly, on paper, so even the dimmest player will understand that he can't sue the league if some guy who never made it as a decent ice hockey player decides that he's going to prove to his girlfriend that he's still a man by imitating Suter on Kariya. For two years now, I've played in the Dollard Montreal Ball Hockey League, run out of the Dollard Civic Centre by two non-buttheads, Michael Woodall and Norm Plouffe. The league is the largest (over 100 teams) and most statistically comprehensive summer ball hockey league in Quebec, offering numerous divisions based on differing skill levels. Overall, Woody and Norm run a pretty good ship. Playing on numerous teams themselves within the league allows them to keep a good eye on things and make sure all the games are fair and well organized. But when winter hits, it gets harder and harder to convince people to run around in their boots instead of lacing up their Super Tacks at one of the many outdoor rinks around town. But if you think your life is lacking some organized ball hockey, then the winter leagues are for you. There are numerous venues around Montreal: if you're a university or cegep student, most institutions run gymnasium intramurals or even night-time leagues, such as the one at Vanier. Most YMCAs offer ball hockey on some nights, so it's really a matter of finding a spot on a team you like, at a time that suits your schedule. Another good bet is to ask somebody already on a league team if they need any extra players, since there are always players missing games for some reason or another. It's a good way to get started in a league and, for the most part, a hell of a lot of fun. But be prepared to sweat like a fat man indoors and make sure you choose the proper skill level. Having played in the DMBHL and a few tournaments, competition intensifies the higher up the ladder you go. Back to the tarmac If you're not interested in league ball hockey, you're not left with much choice. As you get older, you become too big for the streets and are forced to become more organized, hopefully finding a private place to play where cars don't tread and the locals don't bitch--nowadays you just can't be bothered moving the fucking nets all the time or arguing hungover with bumpkins on a Sunday afternoon who scream at you that you can't play hockey in their parking lot. I count my blessings when it comes to road hockey, because I'm fortunate enough to still be playing with some of the same guys I played with when I was six years old. The enjoyment comes from being with friends who know your history. No buttheads, no time clocks and no lines on the playing surface. Sure, the games get competitive, but never to a point of uncontrolled anger. You don't see as many kids stickhandling on the road these days, in the suburbs or the less trafficked streets of rural Montreal. Whether it's a decline in admiration for our overpaid professionals or a lack of interest in the game itself remains to be seen. What is clear is that road hockey is changing and some say change is good. The nostalgics will tell you to leave the game on the streets where it belongs. The Wick is the publisher and Editor-in-Chief of Deek Digest, a highly respected road hockey zine. Contact deekdigest@yahoo.com or send $2 (cheap) to 5181 Jeanne-Mance, Montreal Quebec, H2V-4K2
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I don't think anyone in this country could truly call themselves Canadian without ever having picked up a hockey stick, preferably with no tape on the blade, and joined in some kind of street hockey game.