The year in trends

by ALEXANDRA SPUNT

Highs

Ice Storm '98 We laughed, we cried, we got some.

The de-deification of models Kate checked herself into a clinic and Naomi beat her secretary with a cell phone... it's hard, eh ladies?

Clinton and Lewinsky America showed its dirty undies and the rest of the world had a good chuckle.

Over-shoulder-boulder-holders Straps poked out of tank-tops and the return of mesh gave bras the full coverage.

Big-boned babes--Christina Ricci became the new indie wonder and Kate Winslet's fame reached Titanic proportions (and she showed those proportions). Sing it girls: "Tits and ass, tits and..."

Noodle bars Cheap, tasty and slippery all over.

Soccer mania The winners waved their flags, the losers danced in the street and we all took to the park to play some football.

TV girls made big in slasher flicks--Neve, Courtney, Katie and Jennifer... we believe in you.

Famous people in Mtl Whether you sipped martinis with Pierce Brosnan at Jello or cut up the dance floor with Dennis Rodman at Cathedral, star spotting spiced up our summer nightlife.

Cargo pants All those pockets!

Crazy for Kiss Still giving the kids the candy.

DJing hits the big screen Modulations, Hang the DJ, Battlesounds... representing.

Lows

Ice Storm '98 We laughed, we cried, trees fell and we got some; oh, the shame, the shame that came with the thaw...

DJ Semantics Listen, we don't give a fuck what you call what you do. Just get the groove going, white boy.

Alanis goes to India Who cares? We liked you better as a jagged little pill, and even better when they dumped that green shit on your head in the days of You Can't Do That on Television. "Heeeey Alanis..."

Changing hair lengths Could the trend gurus be just a little more accommodating: short, long, short, long... look, it just doesn't grow that fast!

Election '98 Whatever. You call that a choice?

Anorexic actresses Calista Flockhart, Minnie Driver, Helen Hunt... girls, girls, your heads are starting to look way too big for your bodies. Welcome to post-post-feminism.

Overselling tickets Massive Attack, Amon Tobin, Neotropic... when "cozy" venues start feeling like sweat baths of snobbism.

CD-only music Screw that, not everyone has a CD player in their car, hell, not everyone has one at home...

Planet Hollywood "Me and my lovely wife here Wendy came all the way from New Jersey for this special event... you folks must be real excited." Piss off, tourist.

Late-'70s nostalgia Took it too far. Now you can get those ugly boa thingies at Cohoes.

Platform flip flops Try to look funnier when you walk. We dare you.

The panini take-over Uhhhh... can I just get a grilled cheese?

Grey clothes Mix it up please--November was dreary enough.

James Cameron and Céline Dion: Canadians to be proud of? Who let that woman learn English, anyway?

Titanic Besides the nudie scene, it just sucked. Please, the whole tragic element depended on DiCaprio being too much of a sissy-boy to handle a bit of cold water.

Toga tank-tops The one strap action can make any woman look like a body builder.

Lolita: Censorship revisited--More than 40 years ago Nabakov's masterpiece love story was banned. Now, in '98, it still took months for Lyne's film version to find a distributor--just too racy. Great to see how society has evolved, no? At least the book was worthy of controversy.

Indigo Because we really need another Chapters in this city.

The ubiquitous Tomb Raider Lara Croft Yeah, she's a wet dream, but here's a little secret boys: it's just a game, a sorta sucky one at that.

Dailies trying to market hip We don't need to mention any names... just stick to supplying the English language, daily, OK?

Shock vs 514 The saga continues and it's getting boring; Roger Sanchez just ain't all that.

Psycho, again We're sorry, we didn't know that there weren't any good ideas left.

Bombing Iraq Just to save your sorry ass.