This week: Cosby kids, Debbie Ramone, Michael Jackson, the Clash, a nearly naked Halle Berry!

Plus: McGariggle spelling controversy!

"edited" by AL SOUTH

sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

F This is to the woman who said that rap came from Blondie. You are just another example of white people trying to claim our culture. Blondie was, like, in the Ramones, for chrissake. A PUNK, goddamn it! Grandmaster Flash was the only one who invented rap. [BLEEP!]

M The original creator of hip hop was Afrikaa Bambatta, who took disco and funk and combined them to create hip hop in 1978. Grandmaster Flash and Blondie took their stuff from him. [BLEEP!]

M Everybody knows that it was Fat Albert and the Cosby kids who first started doing hip hop in the early 1970's. And for the guy who doesn't know what poppin' and lockin' is, poppin' is when the body pops into place and lockin' is when it stays that way. i.e. the joints move, you shift your position and it is very ROBOTIC. It comes from the crews of the early 1980's. You and me and the sun, we are all one. Peace. [BLEEP!]

F Wasn't it the Clash who invented hip hop on their SANDINISTA album? [BLEEP!]

F Yeah, I'm calling about that guy who dances like Michael Jackson at the Lionel-Groulx metro station. He has lots of money in his basket but I think that he would make a lot more if he didn't drink Tropicana orange juice during his breaks. Like me, most people can't afford to buy it, so they don't want to give their money to someone who can. I'd rather give my money to somebody who drinks IGA brand orange juice--just like me! [BLEEP!]

F I'm calling to rant about one of the worst flyers I have ever seen in my life. It has Halle Berry on it, wearing almost nothing and it says, "All about hip hop, part two." Now there's nothing wrong with a NEARLY NAKED Halle Berry, but it has absolutely nothing to do with hip hop. If it's "all about hip hop," then why isn't there a B-boy or a B-girl or a DJ or an MC or something like that on it. Even graffiti art. Anything that at least has something to do with hip hop. This isn't about hip hop, this is about bullshit. [BLEEP!]

M Did anybody see the clash of the TITANS last night on the corner of Guy and Ste-Catherine in that new fugazi park that McGill put up? Two 300-pound bleached blonde freak bitches scrapping it out in front of a crowd of about a hundred people. Screaming and yelling at each other and ripping each other's hair out. I want to know who won the fight. If anybody knows, then call it in to the Rant Line. [BLEEP!]

FAXRANT (with musical notation) "An Ode to McGill"... I got the whole world/Up my ass (repeat 4x)/McGill, you could shove your turrets and your pillars/Up my ass/You could shove your incompetent bureaucrats/Up my ass/Shove your pricks and out-of-town pixies/Up my ass/McGill, you could shove your vegan wieners/Up my ass/I got the whole world UP MY ASS. [BLEEP!]

F I was just wondering if anyone had any information on Valerie Solanis--other than her manuscript--'coz I am really beginning to understand what she was talking about. I am so pissed off. And for anyone who thinks that there are some situations where women are in control sexually and not forced to act like young MARIONETTES, then please spread this ideology. I dare you to stand in my shoes and not have enough rage to kill every man and many women on this earth. [BLEEP!]

M To the girl who wants to kill all of the men in the world. Yeah, that would be nice. A planet full of jealous, vindictive, CONNIVING, back-stabbing girls. I think that maybe you girls need to get it together just as much as we guys do. Don't be pointing no fingers, y'all. [BLEEP!]

M Hey Rant Line, you know what w-o-m-e-n stands for? Let me tell you. It stands for never satisfied, always complaining. Especially that woman who ranted last week. All women should have to live with themselves for at least one week. All women are bitches--especially my ex-girlfriend Rachel. [BLEEP!]

M This is for that big-breasted woman who can't seem to get laid. I know how you feel. I am a WELL-HUNG young man and I can't seem to get laid either. I'm told that the rest of me is pretty ugly but, still, maybe we should get together. [BLEEP!]

M I was just wondering if anybody knows of any cool places for a good-looking guy, who doesn't like drinking, to pick up CHICKS. I don't mind partying and everything else but drinking isn't my scene so bars are kind of out. Loud music, everyone all loaded, it's not really any fun for a guy like me. Can anyone out there help me? [BLEEP!]

F I felt I should mention that I noticed a poster advertising the Kate and Anna McGarrigle concert on December 20 and 21 and their last name was spelled wrong. It was spelled with two g's and one r. I am not trying to curry favour so I can join their family and become a celebrity, too. Unless they want me to join. Maybe Rufus is looking for a WIFE? Thank you. Just doing my civic duty. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum