December

* The risk wasn't worth it: Gus Van Sant's new version of Psycho is released to generally negative critical response and even worse box office.

* U.S. President Bill Clinton's support in Congress begins to fritter away as the impeachment vote nears. Presidential aides are said to be scrambling for last-ditch attempts to shore up Clinton's support among soft Republicans in the House of Representatives.

* The day before impeachment votes are to be held, President Clinton declares war on Iraq. American and British troops carpet-bomb Baghdad in the middle of the night. The impeachment votes are postponed.

* Popular film and TV star Michael J. Fox, currently starring in the sitcom Spin City, reveals a secret he's been keeping for eight years: he's suffering from Parkinson's disease, a debilitating, degenerative illness which leaves sufferers with little or no control over their body's motor functions. Fox spins his story to People magazine, the international journal of celebrity diseases.

* An outdoor installation by two Montreal artists, called "State of Emergency Refugee Camp," gets more than it bargained for. Homeless people flood the camp, which ends up serving over 600 meals per day.

* Finance Minister Paul Martin shows a little backbone and nixes the proposed bank mergers. Canadians look forward to continued poor service from their banks.

* A spoken-word performance by Montreal artist Judge Dread Mathematik sparks a debate on homophobia in the black community.

* The federal government announces its intention to change the way the poverty line is calculated. The change, if adopted, would "reduce" the number of Canadians living in poverty by 1.5 million overnight.

* Premier Lucien Bouchard reveals his new cabinet. Biggest no-brainer: Jean Rochon is moved out of the health portfolio, taking over as Minister of Science and Technology. But his is only the second-worst cabinet demotion. The worst: 32-year-old former wunderkind André Boisclair is moved out of Citizenship and Immigration, taking over the newly created Ministry of Social Solidarity--whatever that is.

* Maurice (Mom) Boucher, leader of the elite Nomads section of the Hells Angels, is acquitted of ordering the 1997 killings of two Quebec prison guards. Shortly after his acquittal, he turns up in the audience of the Alex Hilton-Stéphane Ouellet title bout, which Hilton wins.

* Brian Mulroney is appointed chairman of Forbes Global Business and Finance magazine by Steve Forbes. It is the international edition of Forbes.

* Supermodel Naomi Campbell, 28, is charged with assaulting her personal assistant. The alleged beating took place when the model was filming a movie in Toronto back in September.

* Power pop overlord Alex Chilton fails to make his opening-slot appearance at the John Spencer gig at the Spectrum because he failed to straighten out paperwork concerning his criminal record (i.e. drug record). Another Alex, former Nil Mr. Soria, is the last-minute pinch hitter.

* NDG's hip hop showstoppers Shades of Culture continue their inevitable takeover of the known universe by establishing the Windmill label, with accompanying studio/rehearsal space.

* Back in the saddle again, Kiss deliver the concert of the year at the Molson Centre with 3D movies, flying pillars of flame, a floating litter box for drummer Peter Criss, fake blood, rockets, pyrotechnics and a horrifying bald freak. Oh, wait, that was the singer for opening act Bionic.