My holiday ulcer by SCOTT C This time of year gives me a pain in my stomach that the people at Pepcid AC would have a hard time with. I'm no Scrooge, and I'm not going to bore you with a spiel about what Christmas has become, or what it should be--I just want to know where all this stress came from, and how I can lose it before it's too late. I called my mother the other day to break the news that I was staying in Mtl for Christmas (a task I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy). While I waited with my eyes closed for her to explode into wrath and resentment, she very graciously approved of my decision. So everything's cool with Mom, simply because she can't stay mad at me forever (especially at this time of year). And no, I haven't started shopping yet. I've just been carrying around bags for all of my shopping friends. My holiday shopping habits are flat-out retarded, and usually left right down to the wire by normal Christmas shopping standards. It's all very simple, though; get in and get out as fast as you can, while at the same time maintaining the cheerful spirit of giving. Have you seen some of those bugged-out people tearing their way through Eatons, trying to bumrush the free giftwrapping line? These people are crazy, but I suppose their work is done. Choosing a gift for one person can be a harrowing experience, let alone shopping for 12. Never leave your dad's present until the tail end of your shopping adventures, because the look on his face Christmas morning contains enough evidence to put you and your shopping crimes in jeopardy (i.e. ties, gloves & slippers). Also, don't buy your mom kitchen stuff unless she specifically asks you for it, or you may be in trouble. I try to shop for my parents first, so they'll have a fighting chance when I start to run out of money. What am I doing New Year's Eve? As usual, my own plans probably won't be made until the day before, but you have some choices. Get blown away at Sona where BLAST1999 features performances by Shades of Culture, Rainmen and Les Architeckts, plus DJs Ray Ray and Red Dredd. Jazz Pharmacy takes the plunge for the second New Year's in a row at Le Swimming's first night. The boys at Heavyweight have a New Year's jam on the back burner as well, which will come to a boil in a matter of days, so stay tuned. If you're looking for a blowout-style bash, you should probably check out Celebration 99 at the Université de Montréal's Cepsum, where Richie Hawtin and John Acquaviva get down with at least a dozen local DJs, or lastly Stereo 1999, who'll pack them in nicely with Steve Furley and Liz Torres. Wherever you happen to be when the clock strikes, be certain to have your sweet potato pie and eat it too. Happy New Year.