>>Highs

Pedophilia It's hip, it's cool, it's back on the big screen! Er, girl power?!

OK again OK Cola, Coke's "Gen-X beverage," is being relaunched with a new campaign, mainly because everyone now knows that Gen-X was just a crappy excuse for mediocrity and grunge. Watch this space.

Lauryn Hill Still the bestest thing out of the Fugees. Snappy dresser. Good hair. We like.

Flats Hail the return of the short girl. Hail the return of walking like a normal person.

Vice-boy Gavin McInnes' brilliant solution Here is a man who just had the word "WHAT?!" tattooed on the inside of his bottom lip, so whenever anybody says something stupid, he can pull down his mouth and remain silent. Better for everyone, we think.

>>Lows

The MuchMusic Video Awards Only in Toronto will all presenters be asked to dress thematically. This year's theme was "crazy cyber!" Or maybe it was "cool 'n' futuristic!" Anyway, you can imagine.

Dark denims with big turn-ups Now that Smart Set has caught on, dontcha think it's time to turn them down?

Hip Scottish lit Oooh, looky hen, anotha book o' depression' shite that no'un but 'em in Strathclyde can understand, ken?

Sensitive Janet Ms Jackson's "found herself." Maybe she could lose herself again. The interviews are puke-inducing.

Proudly pregnant pop starlets Six months 'til some magazine has a preggy Spice on the cover à la Demi Moore/Vanity Fair. Bet you.