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Clone zone >> Man Or Astroman? prove they can be in four places at once by ADAM GOLLNER
Let's start at the beginning. They used to be a normal surf band from another planet. They created a buzz in '94, finding a core audience amongst math-wiz social outcasts, the only putzes backward enough to buy into the outer-space schtick. Their popularity spread like wildfire through the dense underbrush that is the Internet. Computers around the world linked like-minded four-eyed fans who traded rare MOA? 45s for megs of ram. The rest of the world remained pretty much unaware. It will probably stay that way. MOA?, however, are determined to make a dent in the Teflon of mass-consciousness with their latest harebrained scam, a musical footnote destined to be filed under "bizarre publicity stunts by surf bands," right next to the Pyramids (of "Penetration" fame), who, back in '62, rode a herd of elephants down Atlantic boulevard to play a show at a huge skating rink in New York City. Try to follow the folly: Step 1) After they made the move to the Touch and Go label, most of their fans realized that they liked the earlier efforts better. But hey, even Phil Collins had trouble releasing 15 quality albums. Step 2) To rectify the situation, they booted the singer, Star Crunch, whose limp whimperings were one of the more obvious shortcomings. Dexter 3 (the other guitarist) also left the spaceship. Step 3) The remaining members came to the conclusion that nothing really exists anyway, so they surfed full-speed ahead into complete nonsense, forming ("cloning") three new bands to use the Man Or Astroman? moniker and play their music. Consisting of no-accounts from other garage bands, these clone groups are currently touring North America while the "real" MOA? tour Europe. One of the three is all-female... the Gamma clones. We let the ladies speak: Mirror: First off, what's your name? Tweety-Tone: You're talking to Tweety-Tone. Chromita Starita is also here. The other two members are Coco-Active and Carol. M: How did this whole cloning deal come about? Chromita Starita: All I remember is waking up in a laboratory somewhere in Georgia. They put a guitar in my mouth to teeth on. M: Your main purpose here is research, right? How do you plan to alter the course of Western science? TT: Our dads are doing the research. That's their job. We're doing the hard work. We just travel around the country playing music... and searching for parts of the spaceship. M: You crash-landed? TT: No, our dads did. We're looking for parts for their spaceship. They crash-landed about six years ago and have been trying to get back to Venus ever since. I kind of hope they'll take us with them. Hey, Chromita, do you wanna go to Venus? She wants to go, but I sort of like it here. I mean, I have no memory of space, but I might wanna check it out, you know? M: What's the weirdest thing that's happened on this tour so far? TT: We were driving down route 66 in New Mexico and a huge meteor barely missed us. We started getting paranoid that someone actually sent it to get us. It landed a couple of yards--no, two inches --away from us. It took all the food in the van and gave us bad sunburns. M: Are you peeling yet? TT: Nah, I mean, it only happened four days ago. M: What does it feel like to be a MOA? clone? TT: I don't know any other feeling. What does it feel like to be a human? M: Fantastic. TT: OK. CS: It's kind of like what you humans call being a work mule. M: So, what do you guys do when you're not clones? CS: We listen to MOA? music. We've also been researching the street performers. Freaks. M: Like just weirdos, or jugglers and mimes? CS: Human oddities, circus dog tricks. In fact, there is a circus dog staring at me right now. Its tongue is hanging out. M: And what has this research taught you? CS: That people will buy anything. Man Or Astroman?'s Gamma clones play Jailhouse Rock on Monday, October 5, 9pm, $10, with the mighty Bomboras and the Treblemakers
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We are about to go where no man has wanted to go before. We make this journey in an attempt to find the solution to the absurd riddle that Man Or Astroman? has become over the past few months.