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Planet Hollywood of the apes >> The franchise has landed in Montreal by MATTHEW HAYS
But I have a confession to make: perhaps it's just the flattery of being invited, but last Tuesday's grand opening of Montreal's Planet Hollywood was loads of fun. There were lots of stars there; Willis must have snatched up virtually everyone available at Rent-a-Celebrity: Cindy Crawford, Wesley Snipes, Sylvester Stallone, Sporty Spice, Daisy Fuentes, Carmen Electra (of Baywatch fame), Dennis Rodman and Anthony Michael Hall, among others, were all in attendance. After taking some heat last week for not complying with Quebec's language laws, Planet party organizers did appear to be trying to make room for the local film culture. There was a francophone hosting the show on the street (where Willis and his band headlined) and several local celebs on hand: Mitsou, who looked quite striking in a white dress, and stand-up comic/actor Patrick Huard. The most conspicuous presence, however, was our dear Mayor Bourque, who apparently had had enough of hanging out with the city's riffraff (as he did last week in Côte-des-Neiges, in an effort to feel the plight of the poor) and was now hanging out with Hollywood royalty in the VIP room. Yep, there was a VIP room, which neatly pointed up Hollywood's rather strict caste system. After the stars paraded across the red carpet, they trounced through the restaurant and got away from the other guests in their exclusive area. Only the big name stars were allowed entry. The second-tier (i.e. local) ones were stuck with the rest of us. I pressed my face up against the glass of a window to try to see what was going on in there, but after a while a Planet employee approached me and asked me to stop doing that because I was leaving saliva and sweat marks all over the glass, and it was a while before the cleaning lady would arrive and it didn't look very nice. I asked him to get me another glass of wine. I did score one divine brush with celebrity, however. As I was unloading my bladder in the washroom, I realized Wesley Snipes was unloading his at the very next stall; we had a nice chat (of course I looked, and yes, he's hung like a mutant ox). There's something delightfully kitschy about the restaurant itself. There are faux animal-hide patterns on chairs and carpets, ludicrously tacky artifacts from movies (their genuineness being entirely dubious), rather annoying big-screen TVs which show trailers (creating the impression that one is trapped in a giant infomercial) and insanely friendly staff. Which brings me to an important point: it's difficult to review our very own Planet after the grand opening party, as it's clear things aren't run this way year-round. The food was superb, and included hors d'oeuvres from one of Montreal's premiere sushi houses, Koji's Kaizen--items which I don't believe are usually listed on P.H. menus. The party was indeed a good time--and the crowds outside were testimony to star power. Thousands and thousands of Montrealers lined up to see the luminaries. I do hope they got a good look at everyone; opening nights aside, celebrities are never spotted at Planet Hollywood--it's a notoriously bad place to starwatch. Planet Hollywood is now open
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I was terrifically cynical a few weeks ago when I sauntered down Ste-Catherine--probably on my way to a movie--and passed by the latest Planet Hollywood resto, opening in the heart of downtown Montreal. This franchise seems to represent the very worst of what Tinseltown has become: pumped-up salaries for actors (co-owner Bruce Willis demands a reported $20 million per movie, and that's even after a couple of flops), out-of-control egos and empty, commercial gestures which are high on hype and devoid of any substance.