Squeegee fines: a tale of bogus accounting

Last week, as I sat in a downtown café enjoying the day's first coffee, I read an article in the Mirror ["A Comedy of Infractions," June 25] about the ticket-happy cops who like to see that Montreal's squeegee punks and panhandlers are fed a regular diet of unpayable fines. As the coffee started to clear some room in my head, I made up a little story, set in Montreal, a few years in the future. Here it is:

"Some years ago, Charlie owed the city $5,000 in fines on account of his job cleaning the windshields of cars, a service for which he requested spare change in return. One day, the municipal court's collection agent told Charlie, 'You gotta pay or your goin' to jail.' Charlie couldn't pay so they sent him before a judge, who sentenced him to 50 days in jail. But the judge told Charlie that he had to serve his sentence on the outside and that, during that time, he was responsible for providing himself with food, shelter (which was free because he lived on the street) and 24-hour surveillance. This way, the judge said, the provincial Corrections Department wouldn't have to spend the $100 a day that it costs to keep Charlie in jail.

Well sure enough, 50 days later, Charlie had saved the Corrections Department $5,000! The department's accountants sent a check for half that amount (it was only fair) to the municipal collection agent. Then the judge (who had hoped to get the full amount) told Charlie that he would have to repeat the sentence annually to cover the rest of the debt and to keep up with any new fines he got on the job. The city was very happy that it had found a new source of income where you wouldn't expect it. And the police were happy because now all the time they spent handing out tickets to street kids was helping to pay their employer's debts. And the accountants at the Corrections Department were happy because they had more money to help pay their employer's debts too. And Charlie, well, he didn't get much, but he did learn how to pay his dues, and I guess he felt good about that."

--Gyde Shepherd

Ramblings of a Dupuis groupie

Thank you for publishing the article on Roy Dupuis ["Inc-ROY-able!", Networthy, June 25]. While his hometown may not be aware of how special he is, we in the States think he's quite amazing. Not only is he a gifted actor but he is above all a wonderful human being.

I feel sorry for those who have not seen his work on TV or in the movies. They are missing so much. He has a rare and unique gift of expressing so many emotions with just a look. Though he is drop-dead gorgeous, once he's in character, you forget about his looks and you are swept up in the magic of the moment. He is truly a natural and I feel blessed that he is gracious enough to share his talent with me and the rest of the world.

Unlike others in his profession, he appreciates his fans and has made himself accessible via on-line chats. Those that I have talked to who have met him say nothing but wonderful things about his behaviour. I have not had the privilege to meet him but I feel as if I know him through his work and the information available on him.

He has earned my respect as an actor and my admiration as a human being.

--Karen Chandler

Baltimore, Maryland

Rant Line™ a crucial public service

To the many complainers who think the Rant Line™ is a useless function of the Mirror [see "Ranting about rants," (e)Mail, June 25]: I would just like to say that it provides a healthy venue to express one's angst. The Mirror offers a public service. Nowhere else can one get published his/her inanities, frivolities, woes, petty vindications and diatribes.

I tried the elitist, accommodative high-brow mainstream media. The vendus, as I call them (the "we-can't-let-immigrants-go-to-English-schools/bleeding-heart-fleur-de-lys-of-the-world), do not represent the populace. I mean, Dennis Trudeau wouldn't read my fax concerning the Brouhaha over William Johnson's victory because my opinion was deemed "irrational and extremist." I merely said that perhaps the English community of Quebec deserves its extinction, because nowhere else did a tribe ever have a hand in its own demise. If the English community had one ounce of collective responsibility and tribal loyalty, the kind that francophones resurrected within themselves, then internal bickering wouldn't exist.

Don't I deserve frivolity? The best element of the Rant Line™ is the anonymity of it all.

--Received anonymously via the Rant Line™