>>Highs

Celebrity bios #6 Tupac's former bodyguard has written a biography about his DEAD boss called "I've Got Your Back." Funny or what?

"Tits through the ages" A certain Mirror editor also has a book idea! Whaddaya think? Great, no?

Dicks through the ages Oscar Wilde: man of the moment; been dead for almost a century. The new Jane Austen, although there ain't much room for Alicia Silverstone in this guy's story.

Vinylistics Ruffstyle Hip Hop Vol. 3 Producers! This CD of stuff to sample includes a series of "dirty" sounds. Which means now you can make the newest loop sound like a crackling mess of vintage hard-to-findness. Fool us!

H2O Fat Ameri-punk with lotsa la-la-las. Great summer stooopidness.

>>Lows

Britpop decline As the Brits would say, it's gone all "a bit pear-shaped." Listen to a band called Embrace? Get real.

Those new fancy dessert bars Great idea. Portable wedding cake on a stick.

Macintosh You've just blown half a year's rent on a G3. Guess what? The I-Macs coming out in August with a zillion times the capabilities and half the price. And it's translucent green. Fuckers.

Men with purses You can call it a "mini record bag" all ya like. Use your pockets

Image-crazed Canadians We were gonna put something about the new, heavily designed Richie Hawtin here, but pot calling the kettle black and all that...eh, forget it...