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Blackie's back >> The biggest jerk in '80s metal, Blackie Lawless, shares some delightful anecdotes by JOHNSON CUMMINS
Mirror: Hey Blackie, love the new record (do they have a new record?)! First off, what's the most property damage you've ever done? Blackie Lawless: Well, I can't take credit for this one but our guitarist Chris Holmes did set the record. We were staying at the Chicago Hilton and Chris thought it would be a good idea to buy $7,000 worth of fireworks. Well, he got the fireworks and brought them back to his hotel room, but couldn't wait to set them off in a field the next day. So he just started setting them off in his room, except for all of the fireball shooters he saved for the 75-yard hallway in front of his room. All these people started coming out of their rooms to see what the commotion was and almost got killed (laughs). Now here's my favourite part: Chris's ceiling in his room is completely black and he left spent fireworks casings from the hallway to his room like a breadcrumb trail. After surveying the damage, the hotel security asks him if he has been setting off fireworks and he just looks them in the eye and says he doesn't know what they're talking about. M: Wow! That sounds like Home Alone 3. What about groupie stories? BL: There's too many to tell, but my favourite groupie story was from the '70s. Well, one time Ron Asheton from the Stooges had this party off of Sunset Boulevard--and he was known for really wild parties--anyway everybody is getting pretty crazy and this girl keeps coming up to me and Ron and she keeps saying she wants to sleep with both of us. We're like "leave us alone," y'know, because we're having a conversation, right? She keeps pestering us over and over so we finally drag her to the balcony and hang her from the top floor of this seven-storey apartment building by her ankles. She's screaming away and after we pulled her in she didn't come near me or Ron again. I always wonder what would've happened if we let her slip. M: Yow, I guess that's one way of getting rid of them. Do you ever sleep with women who track you down? BL: Oh yeah! We call those special breed of groupies "squatters." I was at this MTV award party and there was this contest winner there who MTV flew in and she got to go to the after-award party and stuff. Anyway, we got to talking and she says she wants to go home with me. I said OK and we're in a limo back to my place and I'm keeping her busy, if you know what I mean. So I'm pretty sure she doesn't know where she's going and I live out in the boondocks. Everything is hunky-dory until she shows up two weeks later with a suitcase in her hand. I explain to her that this isn't going to fly and she just starts wailing on the street in front of my house. Now my affluent neighbours are all coming out to see what's happened to their sleepy neighbourhood. So I call the cops to get her out of my street and I end up giving her $200 to get on a plane and get out of my face. Most guys got to pay for it and I'm paying to get rid of it. M: Well, Blackie, I'm no saint but don't you think you should be slowing down a bit? BL: Fuck, no! I've always been the fat kid who worked in the candy store and now I own the whole store! Why the hell would I want to slow down now? W.A.S.P. "gig" with Iron Maiden (minus Bruce Dickinson), Dio (minus Dio, apparently) and Dirty Deeds (an AC/DC cover band) at the Metal Mania show at the du Maurier Stadium, Saturday, July 4, 6pm, $26.50
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What tales of rock 'n' roll debauchery having been hitting the headlines lately? George Michaels "pulling the goalie" in a L.A. public toilet? Ginger Spice posing nude? Big deal! Our insatiable hunger for rock 'n' roll Babylon goes unsatisfied! Pondering the issue got me so riled up I nearly had an aneurysm. I turned to my underlings and screamed, "Get me the king of rock 'n' roll partying on the phone! And if Keef isn't home then get me W.A.S.P.'s Blackie Lawless!"